gremlinhaus | Saintsmourn

Saintsmourn

"Bless me father, for I have sinned," the words tumbled past his lips, ingrained in the well worn pathways of his memory from the years he'd spent in catechism and as an altar boy. Not that Liam was devout anymore -- how could he be, given what he'd become, given what he did and continued to do. The confessional booth was small and dark, light filtering in only dimly through the door and its screen that kept him hidden from the sanctuary beyond and from the priest he assumed would be on the other side.

"It has been... a very long time since my last confession."

What was he doing here? This was ridiculous. He couldn't possibly expect forgiveness and absolution. There had to be true repentance for that, real contrition, and Liam knew he couldn't manage either. He hated what he did, despised every moment of it, but he wouldn't stop. He couldn't stop. The price for disobeying was far too severe, and he would not be the one to pay it. The price for his disobedience and his failure would be paid by his brother, and he couldn't live with that.

So William had made his choice, made it again and again, putting that one life ahead of so many others. And oh he was good at what he did, talented at ruining people, in shattering whatever it was in a human being that kept their souls in place, until they were ready to throw it away. His watcher commended him for it, in a sick and sadistic sort of amusement.

Today's lost soul had been... fuck. It had been hard. She was young, barely nineteen, and her road had already been a hard one. He'd played the game with her for the past few weeks, insinuating darkness and doubt into the cracks of that already-battered soul. Today. Today she'd shattered, and there would be no recovering from it. Another soul for the demon who owned him.

He could feel the panic rising up in his chest, cold and hard and threatening to freeze his lungs so he couldn't draw in enough breath. In the dimness and silence of the confessional, all the carefully constructed walls and facades trembled and fell away. Gone were the easy smiles and quite literal devil-may-care attitude, all the charisma and charm that he relied on in his cursed excuse for a job. It was him and his breathing and the silence and the faceless priest in the chamber beside him. Liam wondered if he could hear the panic in his breathing.

"I... sorry. This was a mistake. I should go. I'm sorry, Father, for wasting your time."

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That was the catalyst to his own orgasm, and how it felled him. He felt those walls tighten against him and then there was the heat of seed as it splattered against his stomach; he was caught by surprised though perhaps he should not have been; this was to be an expected. But it was also elation too that he had caused the other man to come undone underneath him.

Pushing in, first once and then twice.. finally a third time before he came; filling the other man with seed and his own orgasm powering through him, it was the sort of trembling that was like a cataclysm, a natural disaster as it enacted itself right upon both their bodies.

And then he closed the distance until he was resting atop Liam, pressing soft kisses against his forehead to sooth him in the shadows of their climax.

Liam was shattered by it, by the pleasure in his release, vision gone blinding white as if his senses were too overwhelmed to handle sight for the moment with all the other physical sensations watching over him. But he still held close to riley, something in his body going lax as the priest settled atop him, the weight of him warm and comfortable and oh so perfect. He loved this man, and he had no right to love him. He wanted Riley and knew he'd only ruin him.

But for the moment at least, he let his eyes fall shut as those lips left those blessings against his forehead. His hands ran slowly up the other man's back, over sweat-damp skin.

"That's... I didn't know it could be like that. Could feel like that..." It never had before. Nothing about this bore a shred of resemblance to the sex that Liam had known previously, and it had undone him to the core, heart and body and soul.

"Mmmmhmmm.." he said as he allowed himself the beauty of the afterglow, nuzzling against Liam while he attempted to catch his breath, he'd not had that much of a workout in a while but it was nice, it was very nice. And there was no guilt too, whatsoever-- all he could feel was at peace with all of this.

"Neither did I?"

Such a thing could've been addictive as well and therefore he pressed more kisses against forehead, the tip of nose and yes even that mouth that he could feel exertion breath puff out of.

Afterglow was new to Liam too, but oh he could get used to this, to the warmth of Riley, the soft touch of those lips falling over his skin. His eyes shut, and he turned to nuzzle back at him, distracted enough as his thoughts reordered themselves that his walls were still a crumbled mess and the affection he so desperately wanted to give was given with soft and unguarded freeness.

He tilted his chin up to meet Riley's lips, a slow and unhurried kiss, less heat and more sweetness in it. Being with Riley like this, this moment stolen out of time, a dream they'd both agreed could happen only for tonight, it made Liam feel truly human for the first time in a very long while, like maybe the entirety of his soul hadn't been ripped out of him by the deals he'd made with demons and the things he'd done in their employ.

So maybe that was where the boldness of his next question came from. "Stay with me tonight? Like this?"

The thing was that Riley was a mess for such kisses as they dripped from those lips, he was a sucker for softness and perhaps it was that hidden romantic within him that could appreciate a good love story, but perhaps had decided that he would always read about love and never truly hold it in the palm of his hand but here was Liam showing him that it was possible.

A dangerous thought.

He melted, the subtle sound of their mouths colliding, the languid tongue and only half-starved feelings that were now cloaked in a feeling of satiation. He had not expected that invitation, he had expected to leave after this moment and return back to the emptiness of his own dorm room. But then he nodded and settled in beside the other man while he draped his arm over his torso.

"I do.. want to stay with you tonight, if you will have me."

This, the night, the way they'd taken each other apart so sweetly, it would be a treasure of a memory that Liam would cling to as some last desperate hope of holding onto what remained of his humanity, before he inevitably lost all of it. He'd miss this, miss what it was and what it could become if the world were a kinder place and they'd walked different paths.

For now though he deliberately put the thoughts of how transient and temporary this was in favor of turning into the other man and winding his arm around him in turn. He smiled, soft and pleasantly tired, lazy. "I'll have you, with pleasure. I'll even cook breakfast in the morning."

Anything to prolong this, to steal another few moments before it ended.

A grin came to Riley's expression, those eyes crinkling at the corner and his hair which had been wet was now starting to dry up a little bit, he rested his head against the pillow and enjoyed the moment for what it was, and tried not to think far past these pillows and blankets. Such would probably bring him a bitter sprig of melancholy.

"Oh yes?" and then he allowed himself to settle into the circle of those arms. "What are you intending on making?" If there was anything that Riley had, it was an appetite (as well as unremittant sweet tooth, which if Liam played his cards right would have him absolutely blissed out.. he was not one who could resist the urge of french toast whatsoever.

Riley looking like that when he smiled was unfair at the cosmic level. Liam felt it like an arrow straight to his heart, and he couldn't have stopped the answering smile from tugging over his lips if he wanted to. This man and that smile, they made something dangerously like hope threaten to blossom in his chest.

"Mm... well we have some options. But I make the best cinnamon raisin french toast."

Clearly Liam knew the key to Riley's heart, even if he as unaware of it.

So did the cooks at the Saintsmourn Cafeteria, they always knew what he preferred the best and they usually passed some cookies here and there to Father Walsh furtively. This was clearly going to end come the time when Riley walked out that door and Liam would not be appearing at Riley's door late at night.

No siree--

"I think that sounds like a very delicious breakfast indeed." and then because he was feeling playful, and it was a good look on him, considering that he very rarely allowed his playful side out for just anyone else; he very lightly nibbled at a jawline. As if to put across the point that he was a fan of all things delicious.

Yup. Just totally going to end cleanly no intense yearning and feelings and being drawn back together again and again despite each time being one last time. Flawless plan. They were both genius masterminds.

Or absolute idiots who had both never quite stepped straight into falling hard and fast and irrevocably before now.

Liam dissolved into a laugh at that ticklish feeling of those teeth nibbling at his jaw, fingers sliding into Riley's hair. "Is this your way of telling me you need a snack now?" he teased, open and at ease in a way he hadn't even known he still remembered how to be.

There was no one smarter than these two, it was true. It appeared that the supernatural activity within Saintsmourn had an affect of dumbing down all of their men and prohibiting them from seeing what was right before their very eyes. But no matter, for the time being they were caught up in blessed afterglow which was causing them not to overthink anything.

"No, I do not need a snack.. I just enjoy nibbling on you?" that was a question but it also wasn't.

He settled against that side, the blonde silk of his hair then lightly tickling against the scruff of Liam's chin and perhaps getting caught within bristles. You know, very romantic things. "Are you feeling bettter?" he said as he then peered up with those blue eyes that held such compassion within them.

"Nibble away then, sweetheart. I enjoy it too." Very much, actually. He loved it, loved the way that Riley fit against him, warm and solid and so achingly human. He wanted the night to go on, wanted morning to stay away. But the dawn would come. They'd have breakfast and Liam would pretend his heart was breaking when he watched Riley leave.

He ducked his head to nuzzle into Riley's hair that was indeed rather caught up in the scruff of his beard.

The question startled him, and he wasn't entirely sure how to answer at first. His fingertips touched along Riley's cheek. Those damn blue eyes. Liam could feel himself on the brink of falling into them yet again. "Yeah, I am." His hand moved to cup gently at the other man's cheek. "I'm fine. I'm always fine." He was a survivor, again and again, even when he sometimes thought he didn't deserve it.

Riley would make an attempt to take the other man at face value, to forget that he was as deep and as dark as sea caverns forgotten by time, or a shipwreck forgotten through history. He offered a smile, it may not suffice over long term but in the right now perhaps it would do.

"I am glad." He hoped that he had contributed to it the feeling of relief if only for a little bit-- but at the end there was an unspoken 'for now' which he did not think should be scrutinized until the light of morning.

Because right now he did not want to take this backwards and make things awkward; instead he tucked himself into the other man's side and pillowed his head against Liam's shoulder. "You deserve the world."

That smile would sustain him. Of course it would. This man -- this beautifully kind man who had run here in the torrential rain because he was worried about Liam of all things, of all people -- may be the closest that Liam could come to the light of salvation, and he'd choose Riley's light over Heaven's light again and again. If that was his choice.

Liam settled his arms around Riley comfortably, marveling at how naturally they fit together. This was Liam's first post-sex cuddle, and he was a fan of it.

Those next words startled eyes that had been slowly easing shut to snap wide open. Liam knew that what he deserved was damnation at the end of the day. "Feel kind of like I have it right now..." Liam murmured, ducking his head to press a kiss through blond hair, breathing in the comforting scent of his beautiful priest.

And thus did Riley have his own brand of fluster, burrowing his face against a neck as those words reverberated through him, that he was called the world? Oh now that was a sinful feeling indeed; he understood now why angels had fallen, because of such words as that that moved him and made him feel like perhaps he could reach further and higher.

Instead he attempted to temper that feeling, instead using his figurative wings to wrap around Liam protectively. How sex had happened, well he was still trying to figure that out, but he was a fan of the post-cuddle as well.

It was nice, and it warmed his soul.

But also a bit smug because he had been able to give Liam something that the demon couldn't. It was not that he was jealous of a demon, but he was angry at him nevertheless.

Well. That was adorable. Flustered Riley was now something that Liam had seen, and it would inevitably become some goal to see how much he could fluster his sweet priest -- except, no, he wouldn't. This was not a beginning. This was an end, a mayfly moment come and already near gone.

It had to be that. For Riley's sake.

He ducked his head, pressing a kiss through soft blond hair, laughing quiet and at ease, on the verge of dozing off. "Sleep, beautiful. Morning's gonna show up way too soon."

He wanted to enjoy the other man's presence for as long as he could so when Liam started to tuck into him a bit more warmly, the Priest followed suit as their bodies collided into a blanket of safety.

Right now he was in the perfect position to rest his head against chest and thus he did-- and he found the utter peace and soothing tranquility of being wrapped in the a4ms of his beloved.. and he never wanted to leave.

Liam's entire chest ached with how full it felt, how overwhelmingly warm and flooded through with emotion as Riley rested his head there. If things were different, if either of them had walked a different path, he could imagine this being each and every night and every morning, safe and sound and holding tight to the man he wanted to give his heart to. But things were what they were, so he'd resigned himself to the memory and the memory alone, and to the yearning that would seep in through all the cracks he never knew he had in the walls he'd built around himself.

Fingers teasing at the edges of Riley's hair, an absentminded touch more than anything else, Liam sighed soft and sleepy, quite certain by the quiet and still way that the priest lay tucked against him that Riley had slipped off to sleep. So he murmured softly, a secret he intended to keep, "I think I love you. In a different world, where I wasn't... this... I'd spend my whole life telling you." But this was their world, and those words would have to survive on nothing more than this single, whispered breath.

Perhaps it was a good thing that Riley slipped into slumber quite effortlessly; he had always been like that-- catching the boat to sleep quite quickly, insofar as much that he had always gotten teased by his brothers for the fact that for the longest time he'd not been able to make it to the new year. And he was comfortable, trusting in the person tucked in next to him even though perhaps he should not have placed so much trust on a path that would surely lead to ruination.

But here he was, with the warm spiced soap of Liam's body like some sort of crisp autumn breeze.

And he did not hear those words that could never be taken back, and perhaps it would be easier that way for Riley, or perhaps it would not. After all there was feelings in the other man as well, such intangible feelings that burrowed right in his heart and was still there thrumming underneath the surface.

But the powers that be, he could hear the soft murmur of words, and he snuffled against that neck but only a little bit. As if he was responding in his own way even subconsciously to the radiation of sweetness that the other man bestowed upon him.

Sleep was not usually an easy thing for Liam. It was a fitful, fraught experience, lined with nightmares and the echoes of the cries of despair he'd left in his wake doing his owner's bidding. But something about Riley's presence, the solid warmth of the body curled against his, the soft sound of breathing and the increasingly familiar and loved scent of clear water and fresh salt air tinged faintly with the very last vestiges of church incense, lulled him into a peaceful slumber for once.

Dawn arrived, inevitably, splashing light through the gaps of curtains, and stirring Liam rather reluctantly from his rest. A slight stirring and a low grumble of protest as he turned to burrow into the other man as if he could hide from the morning. As consciousness got a more secure hold on him though, he realized that this was not exactly his usual, waking up intertwined with another body -- well, at least one that was warm and human and welcome -- and the night before joined the flood of the morning light, all pleasant memories and their accompanying shadows of longing. Right, yes. He'd stayed. He'd actually stayed the night when Liam had asked, and he was here and real.

And had been promised breakfast.

As Liam shifted, the light would beam down upon Riley's own slumbering visage and dappled the skin here and there, making locks of blonde lighter, while playing against skin that had once been far more tan than it was now. He shifted then and then his eyes slid open in a half-drowsy daze. And then he smiled, and it was a sleepy sort, and he reached up to use his arm to block the sunlight from blinding.

"Morning......"

His voice was sleep-touched, a little hint of gravel to the softness; low and deep. "How did you sleep?" he was going to care, it was what he did the best out of everything in tje world.

He was unfairly beautiful, Liam mused to himself, unable to resist the urge to brush back some of that sun-blessed blond hair from his face, freezing when those blue eyes opened and then easing when he saw the smile spread its way over Riley's face. Funny how an expression could be even brighter than the sunrise itself. Yes, entirely unfair.

"Morning yourself, beautiful" Liam murmured, fingers turning so that the backs of his knuckles could trace along Riley's cheek. The question that his priest spoke next was so innocent and simple, but it still struck right to the heart of him. When was the last time anyone had cared enough to ask him something so simple and basically human? "Better than I had any right to, I think. How about you?"

He knew he should drag himself from the warmth of this embrace and start seeing to starting the day, to making breakfast and (far worse) making his goodbyes to Riley, but oh the selfish part of him didn't want to at all.

This felt natural, being here with Liam looking down at him. The softest brush of knuckle against his cheek, and the way that the eyes looked into his own and did such powerful things to him. He tugged at his lower lip with his teeth though perhaps because the evening came crashing back like waves to the shower, what they had done. And yet, for all of that-- he could not feel guilty about it.

Even this morning felt wholesome and warm, and perhaps it was the light coming in through the window that brought out all of the mahogany tints to those dark locks.

"The fact that you do not believe you should have a good night's sleep is indicative that you are a good person." Riley said as if he could twist the system, though he did reach up where his palm cupped that cheek. "But I slept very good, but then I had a pretty good pillow all told."

The fact that Riley had woken up and not immediately recoiled or retreated after what they'd done the night before set something in Liam's mind at ease. He knew that they shouldn't have, but he couldn't find it in himself to regret it anyway, and god... he didn't want to be nothing but a regret, a mistake, to Riley. So he'd take the gift of the other man's lingering by his side, of the way they both seemed content to draw the moment out, to trade gentle touches that were laden with an affection that was unmistakable. He turned towards that hand at his cheek, eyes shut as he leaned into the touch, lips daring to graze along the inside of the other man's wrist.

The next moment he cracked one eye open to look at him with wry amusement. "I'm not sure about your logic on that one, but..." He appreciated it, nevertheless.

He couldn't help a laugh at the next words. "That's right. I'm a man of many talents. Carpentry, French toast making, being a pillow. Uniquely gifted, that's me."

Riley was extremely practical in the fact that he knew that they could not take it back; and that life was full of those moments. Guilt, especially the Catholic kind, was very prevalent but right now with Liam looking at him as if he was something that he did not deserve, a deity or an angel-- well he liked it.

Though his eyes sharpened as he heard the magic words-- 'french toast' and then he tilted his head to the side with an hopeful eagerness. "I did forget about your promise to make me breakfast." he hazarded, which meant that he was hoping that was still on the table.

There were some other things that he wished were still on the table, but he also knew that it would probably be better not to tempt God too much, a stolen moment-- well perhaps the heavens could turn a semi-blind eye to it.

Saintsmourn

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