: Regency AU :

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek Thelyss was used to being primped and petted.

He was a Lord and the Heir, but not an ideal one, after all Dynasty protocol favored women over men and always had. He had no real power and he would never have minded too terribly much if not for the fact that he was ultimately treated like a pawn by the Duchess Thelyss-- and with Essek desiring his studies more than society, he knew how to play the game albeit that he did not enjoy it and wished for the moments where he was left to his own devices.

There was a betrothal being brooked between himself and Lord Tasithar, handled by his mother.

It was not one that he particularly desired, but he had little say in the matter-- he merely had to be seen allowing the Lord to woo him, whereas the idea of it appeared distasteful to him. But as he stood there underneath the glimmering lights of the ballroom, holding his mask to his face, he found that there was a strange hollowness to this evening.

All of these people, they all meant very little to him.

Not that he did not have his share of dance partners, he would dance with them. But this was not something that he was well versed in, he did not enjoy the frivolous empty flirtations that was expected of him; cool politeness was the only thing that he could give and even that was as sparse as snow in the marquesian desert. And so he stood there in the corner, waiting for those to sign his dance card and ultimately realizing that he was nothing more than chattel for them.

He raised a glass of wine to his lips, and then ducked behind a potted plant once he saw Adeen approach. ]

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[zauberdecke]

[ There was a thread of longing that went through Essek at those words; and Caleb-- oh how did this man manage to say the most beautiful things that made him want more? He had everything his social status could grant him, he had wealth and a title, he had prospects but...

He did not have the one thing that perhaps his heart wanted, and wasn't that a shame?

He thought for a moment, playing with his glove lightly, twisting the fingers lightly as he thought about what to say in response to that. ] I do not think that it is a spell per se, just that ah.. perhaps there is something within us that attracts?

[ With just enough of a similarity to make it compelling. ] The laws of gravity and all..

[ausgebrannt]

[Caleb knew longing, felt it too, a deep yearning in him that wanted to know what Essek felt like in his arms beyond simply on the dancefloor. He wanted to know the taste of those lips, to bury his face in the juncture of shoulder and neck and taste that silken skin, breathe in the soft perfume he'd come to associate with the drow.

He watched Essek, though he couldn't tear his eyes away from the other man if he wanted to. The lights of the city had nothing in comparison to the way that Essek shone.]

Gravity? Ja... it feels like that. Like all of me wants to fall right into you.

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek turned so that he could look upon Caleb, and then his presence cheated ever closer, resting his glove hand upon that forearm lightly, unknowing of the scars that lay just underneath. But regardless his touch was soft and it was gentle. ]

I would not mind it if you did.

[ he should not be encouraging this, he had a duty to fulfill, there would be displeasure from his mother, and yet all he wanted was what he wanted-- he wanted to know the taste of those lips, the warmth of that body pressed close to his own.. and he felt shy for it. ]

It is not something that I should express, but ah.. I have grown very fond of you over the past two weeks. [ And Essek knew that he should not admit this, that it was hubris to do so, but there was a part of him that was vulnerable and needed something more than the superficial glittering that surrounded the Ton. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Generally Caleb would have balked at the touch to his forearms, for the reason of those hidden scars, but Essek's touch felt welcome, like a balm to old wounds. Was this what love felt like when it took root and began to bloom? He remembered the way his father would look at his mother, how it softened something in the otherwise stoic man, how his mother would glow under that gaze.

Was this what it was like?

He found himself shifting closer unconsciously. Gravity indeed.]

You are not the only one. I have grown fond of you. More than I have any right to. I find myself thinking of you in those hours I am not in your presence, wishing for the morning to come sooner.

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek should've been mindful of where they were, that there was no true privacy in the Ton but he his gaze was caught by Caleb's, nearly sinking into that gaze and glowing in a way that both Caleb's own ardent gaze and the subtle affection that washed over him. Very gently he kept his hand there on the forearm. ]

I feel the same way, I have always wished for the morning for it meant peace and quietude with the things that I love the most.. but now, there is something new to look forward to.

[ This felt like a love confession, perhaps it was in not so many words. They could never be-- hadn't they admitted that to themselves in private? And yet here they were and ignoring those words they spoke on the dance floor. And here was Essek being impossibly romanced by Caleb underneath the starlight. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Caleb shifted that arm beneath Essek's touch turning it over so that he could brush his own gloved fingers along the drow's forearm -- a touch he should know better than. That he did know better than, but he couldn't help it. There were forces at work here that he had no chance of standing against, no power to overcome. And no desire to.]

I have... there were many years that I was lost. I have come far from that, but I have not felt truly found until I met you.

[He'd found his heart in Essek's hands and decided that was where it belonged.]

[zauberdecke]

[ Cheating into him, Essek raised his hand from Caleb's forearm but only so that he could press his gloved fingers against a jawline, he could not precisely feel the skin but he knew the skin was warm, and the perfectly groomed bristles of beard were slightly raised. If Caleb were to look to the side, he'd see the smallest sliver of skin between cuff and hand, where Essek had been playing with his glove nervously. ]

What do we do about this.. Mister Widogast?

[ He honestly did not know what to do with these feelings that engulfed him; he wanted to be nearer and nearer, he wanted to orbit this sun and it felt like he would ache the moment that they parted. ]

We meet at the bookstore, I will want to embrace you in the shelves-- I do not think that I could very well resist you, and I am not sure if I want to.

[ausgebrannt]

I do not know, Lord Thelyss. I know what the appropriate answer is. I know what I want to do. And those two things are not the same.

[Because propriety would have him stepping back and away with a polite bow and exiting Essek's life so as not to do anything to ruin the beautiful, titled drow's courtships. He's selfish though, and can't bring himself to let him go so swiftly.

Instead as his gaze flicks to the side, he catches that brief peek of skin peeking at him from that delicate wrist.]

I have only barely resisted so far. And now knowing that you feel the same, I do not think my willpower is strong enough to resist...

[Hells, his willpower was not strong enough to stop him in that moment, as he turned his head, a far too bold action of brushing his lips along that sliver of bare wrist.]

[zauberdecke]

[ The brush of lips against his wrist, how warm it felt; a spark of something that caused him to involuntarily shiver, this was not a moment that was filled with propriety; but rather something forbidden. A thrill ran through him as the kiss lingered against perfumed wrist, sweetly smelling of night-blooming jasmine.

He watched; the gesture was not someone that anyone dared when they accompanied him; Adeen had tried but Essek would've never given the other man ready access to his hand to begin with.

The gold flecks within his eyes seemed to illuminate and his breathing hitched, and then he leaned upward, his hand curving until it cupped Caleb's jaw and then he leaned upward and brushed their lips almost softly together, the barest lingering hit of a kiss before he pulled away an inch. ]

It is too late for me, Mister Widogast.

[ausgebrannt]

[He could lose himself in that perfume, his drug of choice from this moment until the day he drew his last breath. The addiction was immediate. He'd never be the same, and he didn't want to. For all that he knew this would hurt, that this would only end in pain, he'd fling himself into this freefall over and over.

Then Essek was leaning in and he felt the universe itself hold its breath in that eternity of a moment before their lips met. This. He wanted this. This man, this moment, everything that they could be if only everything about it weren't impossible.]

My Lord...

[Aosft, half a prayer.]

Then we are both lost.

[He chased those lips to steal another kiss, just as soft and brief, sweet but flavored with the unmistakable hint of longing for something more.]

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek found those lips against his own, found his mouth being chased and he leaned up into it because he was the moth to the flame, he was the one who could not pull himself away from the whirlpool of Caleb's presence and those lips that worshipped his own so reverentially.

It was natural that he slip into those arms, and he lightly huffed against lips that treated him so gently, huffed but in a pleasant way so that they shared breath between them. He could feel his heart utterly squeeze in his chest and for some reason he could not draw himself away nor back.

They were both lost and there was no saving either of them. He had never had anyone of his own before, something that wasn't fueled by his mother's ambition. There were books of course, his own pastime and his own futile ambitions within them, but this man right here was only for him and he leaned into the kiss, was guided by it's inevitability and pulled into it's axis. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[The world made sense in that moment, in Essek finding his way closer and Caleb's arms finding their way around the drow. This was where he was supposed to be, with this brilliant, beautiful man whose lips tasted like home. This was not a private, safe place. It was a meager illusion of privacy.

Caleb was too lost to think better of it though, to do anything but sigh softly in utter bliss against those lips.

No, pleasant discussions over tea between friends would not be enough, not by a wide margin. Now that he had known what it was to have this small taste of more, he would be starved for it the rest of his life.]

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek was lost to the bliss that was Caleb's lips, he had never felt his heart lighter than it was; normally bogged down with cares and worries; with his own personal tribulations-- his lack of freedom and autonomy while he was forced to dance to his mothers whims.

His mouth opened up underneath the other man's, unmindful of their disparity in stations-- all he knew was that this felt right. He did not notice the door opening up, only the soft taste of Caleb's mouth, the inherent sweetness as his fingers curled into the hair right at the nape of the neck.

That was what Essek's mother was coming into; not only a kiss but the nearly scandalous sink of fingers into hair. And then he leaned backward to look up into Caleb's eyes, he managed to breath out softly. ] The bookshoppe tomorrow?

[ Only to hear a clearing of throat, of which then Essek felt a dawning horror as he fastly slipped of those arms. ]

~Oh I do not think you will be going anywhere for the foreseeable future, ust dalharuk~

[ Before Essek could say anything, his arm was caught in a vice like grip and he was yanked away from Caleb, he looked at him apologetically but he was already being herded out from that balcony and away from the other man. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Caleb did not notice either. The world could have crumbled and collapsed to the ground around them, and as long as Essek was kissing him, he wouldn't have noticed any of it. He'd kissed and been kissed before -- brief teenage experiments -- but nothing that came anywhere close to this. It did feel right. Perfect and sweet and his heart ached with the overwhelming swell of affection in him.

His eyes opened slowly as the kiss broke, as he looked into Essek's violet gaze, the blazes of gold swirling therein.]

Ja, I--

[Then that sound, the realization that someone was there, Essek slipping from his hold as Caleb realized who had found them.

Oh. Oh no.

He half started to reach for him, but Essek was already pulled away, hurried from his presence.]

[zauberdecke]

~I would advise, that if you still wish to hold any sort of paltry foothold within the Ton, you cease contact with Lord Essek, he is above you~

[ Those words were spoken as Essek was in fact hurried away, and Essek dare not look back over his shoulder because he knew that it would be the truth, that his mother had the power to ruin people. He could feel his heart sinking into his stomach as he understood what this meant, that his own indiscretion had caused this. He should've been more careful but he'd been a moth and he had sook to kiss those flames that danced so beguilingly.

No blame on Caleb, all on him.

The door was slammed behind them and then he was promptly distributed to his dance partner like a 'thing', the chattel that he was. He tried not to seek out Caleb but he knew that if he had it may have meant bad things for the other man. All he wanted to do was go home, he was so miserable and he knew his mother would force him to stay here at the ball until last call. His mother had taken his dance card to oversee it.

Throughout the evening, his mother told his dance partners to bring him back to her side after each dance, and there was no chance of privacy, of stealing out to see Caleb. Oh no, his every minute started to become managed. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[In another life, one that perhaps one day he cold reclaim, Caleb could have brushed aside her threat with the truth -- Essek was above her, above this woman and the social tool that she would use her son as. In this life, he almost wanted to laugh, as if having any status or standing in this place mattered if it was not a standing within the orbit of Essek's side.

Even his careful positioning and plotting for revenge on Trent Ikithon hardly mattered.

But he was silent, watching the matriarch of Den Thelyss with remarkably unreadable blue eyes -- well, unreadable save for the unmistakable sadness and yearning in them.

Damn it. He should have been more careful, should have known that they were playing a dangerous game of risk. It had all shattered so quickly. He lingered the rest of the night, but he had no chance to find his way back into Essek's orbit or presence, not with the drow's mother keeping him on such a short leash.]

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek was miserable, and thereby he was miserably taken away in the early hours of the morning; there was cold silence the entire way back and he kept his own silence as well. So they were at an impasse-- but she managed to convey to him that there would be no events cancelled, that he would attend every ball still on the roster so as to not give way that anything was wrong.

But Essek was forbidden from the bookstore, would be forbidden until he married one of the men that she had picked as his suitors. Once he was safely married, then he could do whatever he pleased but not until then.

The subject of what she considered to be grasping men who only seeked his fortune was only unspoken between them like the presence of a knife. The next day he was confined to the estate, to read and seek out minor amusements, and if he went out it would be in the company of his mother. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Essek was not the only one in misery. Caleb could feel the fragile pieces of his heart that had started to reassemble themselves begin to break once more. He should have known better. And now Essek was suffering because of his foolish choices. That was the part that Caleb hated the most, that the bookstore was empty the next morning, that Essek had been denied even that small escape from the rigid control of his mother.

It was late afternoon by the time Caleb had made a decision of what to do. Some ink and parchment, a bout of letter writing, a burning of incense and the span of a ritual spell later, Essek would hear a soft scratching and tapping at his window.

Frumpkin, now in the shape of a small stealthy little owl, was looking to be allowed entry. And clasped carefully in one tiny talon is a rolled up piece of parchment.]

My dearest Lord Thelyss,

Hopefully this finds its way to you through our mutual friend Frumpkin's aide. I did not know how else to reach you, to try to express my regrets for what has come to pass. I know I have created trouble for you, and I never wished to make your life harder.

Though I am sorry for the turn that circumstance has taken, I cannot say I am sorry for what I have done. Even if I am never allowed in your presence again, that shared moment, the taste of your lips and the warmth of you in my arms, life has never been more worth living than when I had you in my embrace. I miss you, will miss you, but please know that my heart is and will remain yours. Always.

I hope you are not suffering for my hubris and mistakes.

Yours always,

Caleb Widogast

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek had a few books that he could read, and it was not like he could not go to the bookstore just it would have to be accompanied by his mother, and she was a busy woman. It wasn't the bookstore that he missed but it was the man that he had met there in such a cladestine manner.

It was evening when he heard the tapping and his light had come on for the evening. He opened his balcony door and then he saw the little owlet perched there, orange and vibrant. He smiled and then took the little missive and opened it. His hand rising to his heart as he perused it, he read it again for good measure and then after he was finished soaking it in, he took a look at the little owl still perched there. ]

Please, I will write him a letter if you could deliver it.

[ He did not have any owl treats though he wished he did. But he carried himself to his own desk, took out some fine velium, a quill pen and then he started to write as well a followup. ]

My Mister Widogast,

Please do not blame yourself. I had not been acting with propriety, I should have understood that I was always being watched but all I could see was your fire light; it was because I did not act as was befitting my station that I managed to launch the both of us into trouble.

My mother has made it clear that I am not to see you. But, that kiss was so very beautiful and I will treasure it's memory-- it was my first one, I've never allowed my various suitors to kiss me, and if they ever kiss me again.. it will never be the same as the touch of your lips.

I hope you will accept my apologies if I have made your life difficult within the Ton, once again I do not regret the kiss but I regret my indescretion at getting caught.

Most ardently,

Lord Essek Thelyss~

[ He sealed it and then came back out to attach the letter to the little owl claw, a very soft little pet and then a nuzzle before he bid the Owl to deliver it back to his Pactkeeper. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Frumpkin waited, of course he did, watching as if reading along as Essek wrote. He took the letter -- along with the nuzzles and the petting -- and flapped his way silently from the room.

He would return the next day.]

Dearest Essek,

You will have to forgive me the presumptive and likely impudent familiarity. Your mother has rightly reminded me that you are far above me, above my station, my reach. I have no illusions about the fact that she is entirely correct in this assessment.

There is nothing that you have to apologize to me for, now or ever. I have made my choices, and in all the choices I have made where you are concerned, I would make them again, over and over, for the chance to look into your eyes once more. I found myself staring at the sky last night, but the stars seem to have lost some of their glow, paling in comparison to the memories of the constellations I had only begun to chart within your gaze.

If you happen to look skyward tonight, know that I am as well, making wishes on stars for the most impossible things, like your hand in mine once more.

I remain yours, affectionately and achingly,

Caleb.

[zauberdecke]

[ The tap of Frumpkin on his window a second time would ensure a pattern which he would eagerly await. Within the hour a missive would return, scenting of jasmine and snow.. though a cooler comfort with the lack of warmth held within proximity. ]

Chathtiu,

My days have passed, as they are oft to do though meeting you has changed me in such impossible ways. I find myself not so content with things as I had once been; perhaps I was never truly content but complacent, but now that I know that you exist out in the world and I am unable to see you?

There is a growing restlessness within me.

I sat near the fire this morning and thought of you, soaked up it's warmth. It is now what I have that reminds me of you-- I wanted to plunge myself within it, not to kill myself but because I felt that it would be the only way I would ever feel something passing for heat.. your lips haunt my dreams, your embrace my waking thoughts. Here I am writing such sentimental things, but you've awakened something in me.

And I don't think I could go back to my dreaming state.

Yours,

Essek~

[ausgebrannt]

[Caleb of course took the time to find out what that word means and it finds its way to the very center of his heart.]

Mein Sternenlicht,

You may have left your dreaming, but you have found your way quite vividly into my own. I dream of you, of your face and your voice, of the scent of your perfume that travels to me with these precious words. I wish I could truly hear you speaking them to me, to see the way your face lights up when something has caught your interest.

Keep yourself from the fire, my dearest heart. I wish I were able to fold you into my arms now, to taste your lips and make all the promises and confessions I am neither worthy nor permitted to make. I am in love with you. There is so little I have to offer you, nothing that approaches what you deserve, but all of me is yours.

Gods, I miss you.

With all my love,

Caleb.

[zauberdecke]

My beloved Chathtiu,

The evenings are so cold and there is no way to warm myself up.

I saw you at the ball this evening, and I wanted to be twirled around in your arms. You were so graceful and dancing with you made me forget myself-- I hope you noticed my eyes upon you, my gaze could not look away from you even as I had to suffer the attentions of Lord Tasithar.

He is not you.

What you have is enough, Caleb Widogast. It is you who I have fallen irrevocably in love with, you-- titles are tiresome, and wealth even more so but you've sparked something within in myself that transcends that; I wish I could feel your lips on mine, I would give anything for one more kiss.

There is supposed to be an announcement in the coming days, I have no choice in my future now-- the only thing I have is these letters which I cherish. I've created a pocket dimension just for them, a wristpocket if you will-- that way no one can take these missives away from me, not even my mother.

I've read all of them hundreds of time, and each time I read it your voice caresses my heart. Please keep yourself safe and well, my dearest.

Yours,

Essek.

[ausgebrannt]

My darling Sternenlicht,

I felt the caress of your gaze, yes, and wished it were more than that. For all the finery and jewels, the glitter and the shine, you are all I can see. You are beautiful, but I am sure you have heard those words before time and again. But as obvious as that beauty is, it only grew with each time we spoke, each precious second I spent in your presence, in knowing you. And it still grows.

Another kiss and another and another, I wish for this too. There is nothing I can imagine I would not do if I could hold you even once more.

Whatever announcement may come, it cannot change the fact that you are so well woven in my soul that nothing can ever remove those traces of my love for you, not without unraveling the entire fabric of my being. I treasure our letters as well, and hear your voice in these words. It is the only sustenance by which I am graced to survive these days.

With this letter, I have enclosed a small gift, for your wristpocket. I trust you will know how to make use of it. Call for me, my love, and I will always answer.

Yours hopefully,

Caleb.

[Enclosed with this letter -- and delivered by a now quite tired Frumpkin since this was a fair bit heavier than simple parchment -- was a small polished stone, engraved with familiar magic sigils.]

[zauberdecke]

[ After reading the letter, Essek took Frumpkin inside to give him a little bit of a rest, a nice little pillow to rest on while he observed the little stone with sigil, it was a Sending Stone, this he had determined. And what a treasure that it was, a beautiful sweet and treasure but one that could not be used unless he was sure that no one else would hear.

He doubted he was being monitored. His mother thought that her household was secured and he was not one who would disabuse her of the notion. And as long as he acted as normal outside of his bedroom, there would be no suspicion.

Be dutiful, that was what he needed to do. After an hour, he had a missive for Frumpkin. ]

My Dearest Flame,

I am thrilled by this treasure, such a boon I never thought I would be able to recieve. Give me a few hours upon reciept of this letter, I would like to make sure that all of the household is trancing before I use this-- but I will call you, tonight. I long to hear your voice whispering these very things into my ears-- it is not the physical feel of your arms around me or your lips against mine, but I am greedy and will take anything I may get.

Please know that I am in love with you and that no matter what happens or how my future plays out, you will have it.

Perhaps upon my impending marriage, I would be able to have enough freedom where I may take a lover, perhaps this time I will be more discreet-- there would be nothing worse then having you taken from me a second time, my heart could not stand it.

Yours forever,

Essek~