Baby, it's cold outsid

[ausgebrannt]

[It was Caleb's first Winter's Crest in Rexxentrum, in the small cottage that he had taken to calling home now that the Nein had taken a step back from the more intense part of their adventuring. Lucien and Cognouza were dealt with. Trent Ikithon was imprisoned. The war between the Dynasty and the Empire ended. Jobs well done, he supposed.

He had Essek had plans to travel back to Aeor, to seek out the T-Dock and the other mysteries of magic that lingered there, but the trip had not yet been undertaken. After all, Caleb knew that the drow had to be careful. The eyes of the Dynasty and the Bright Queen would eventually fall on him in regards to the stolen beacon. But that didn't mean he didn't look forward to the evenings that Essek managed to drop by to spend time.

He treasured those times, when they'd discuss magic and theory. He'd make tea -- or sometimes break out something a bit stronger -- and they'd talk until all hours.

All that talking but some thing still remained unsaid, unspoken, and lingering on the tip of Caleb's tongue where he could taste the bittersweetness of it, of a longing and a desire that he genuinely believed he did not truly deserve to ever really satisfy. How could he? He was a tainted thing, hands still blood-covered, despite his continued attempts to atone.

But he was still too selfish not to want.

Tonight he was seated in his chair, glancing at the door with an undisguised anxious hope. It had been a while since Essek had come, and Caleb missed him. And with Winter's Crest upon them, well, he wanted to share that with the drow, to show him the traditions he had grown up with.]

Comments

[zauberdecke]

[ Inordinately pleased with the kiss, still in wonder of it even as they both decorated the tree in companionable silence, he suddenly saw the mistletoe everywhere, in every little corner. Aware of it, and the memory of lips upon his. Essek was careful with the decorating while the lights started to shine on the tree. It looked beautiful and cozy, he thought that this was a tradition he would've liked as a child, but he was being shared with by Caleb-- better late than never.

He floated down and then took the star with both his hands, the way that it illuminated the two of them. A glance toward Caleb, impossible softness there and then with his hand underneath it he started to rise, ascending to the very top and then he placed it at the peak and made sure to affix it securely, using a frisson of gravity.

Then he descended, his eyes catching sight of a little sprig of mistletoe, a wave of his hand-- that too was discreet, bringing it to align over the two of them; it floated with magic-- would slip over them just as Essek reached the ground right in front of them. To steady himself, the drow's hand came to rest on Caleb's shoulders just before he was to touch down, and a laugh sweetly fell from his lips. ]

It looks beautiful--

[ Essek's eyes slid upward, watching the mistletoe mysteriously float just over their heads. ] It appears that.. there is a mistletoe there.

[ The drow was not being too subtle, it was clear by the way that it was floating that the dark elf put it there with only one purpose in mind, to kiss Caleb. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Caleb watched in a soft wash of awe as Essek placed the star atop the tree, the gentle light of it mingling with the other lights scattered throughout the tree's branches. It was lovely, dreamlike in a way, and what a dream to stand there with Essek with the taste of the other wizard still on his lips and preoccupying his thoughts.

He turned to face him as the drow alighted back to earth beside him. And his eyes were very much fixed on Essek as he agreed,]

Ja. Very beautiful.

[But oh? More mistletoe. Caleb followed that gaze upward. How strange and inexplicable, floating mistletoe. The Dunamancer was not being subtle, but Caleb was a fan.]

It appears you are correct. It seems we're bound by tradition again...

[Oh woe. Tragic. He lifted a hand to cup lightly at Essek's cheek. Kissing?]

[zauberdecke]

Hmmmmhmmm.. it would be a shame to flout tradition.

[ Says the Dunamancer who had been doing everything to flout the traditions within the Dynasty to the point where he was willing to commit high-level treason against them. But that wasn't mistletoe, and it wasn't Caleb Widogast who was standing there before him, cupping his cheek lightly.

He leaned in to that hand that cupped his cheek, tilting to press a kiss to that palm; which did not count for a mistletoe kiss, it was almost like a cat who was rubbing up against someone to scent mark them. Then he stood on his tiptoes and brushed his lips against Caleb's once again, finding that the Transmuter's lips were highly addictive, the brush of facial hair against his chin, all of these things which made the other man perfect for him.

How had he ever thought that kissing was inconvenient and troublesome? Especially when Caleb's mouth was so warm and inviting, and tasted like spiced wine. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Caleb had never loved tradition more than he did in this moment, as Essek's lips found his once more. He was quickly realizing that he could all too easily lose himself in kissing the other wizard, and he was all too happy to do exactly that. There was still that voice at the back of his mind that insisted he did not deserve this, that he was too stained by his sins.

But even that voice found itself drowned out by the sheer rush of feeling and thrill of Essek's lips on his own.

His hands found their way to settle against the other man's hips, holding gently. This time he let the kiss linger as long as Essek would allow, a tilt of his chin to slot their lips together more completely.]

[zauberdecke]

[ He wanted to linger in the circle of Caleb's arms, feeling those lips press down upon his own-- the soft indent of tongue against lips, slowly and carefully seeking it out-- his hands cupping that cheek then, feeling scratchy beard against his fingertips before he slipped just underneath ear to bury in the locks of hair there.

If there was only one way for Essek to go, it was this way. It was like if they had been destined to be together, meant in this moment and then he leaned his forehead against Caleb's while the hair teased and tempted his fingertips in a way that was almost sinful. ] You are enjoyable to kiss.. I-- [ A flush filled his cheeks and then another kiss, this one more seeking than the last, wanting this upending of gravity to continue going. ]

How am I ever going to recover from this, Caleb Widogast?

[ How was he to go back to something before this? ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Caleb would have told Essek that he enjoyed it as well, but there was more kissing instead and that seemed far more important to lose himself in the Dunamancer's lips. His arms wound around his waist more securely, urging them closer together.]

Perhaps you are not... perhaps neither of us is. I do not think I want to.

[He would never be the same after this, and that was all right. Love changed people, and gods help him that was what this was. Of course it was. If it had been merely a physical desire, it would not have had him so mixed up.]

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek knew that perhaps now was not the time to talk but likewise he also understood that it felt like they had known each other for ages, Aeor would do that to one-- building such an intimacy between the two wizards born of trust where it had been a tenuous thing at best.

But Essek was mindful that maybe while he could accept it, the circumstance was such that their could be no promises, especially with his visits never scripted. ] I am a selfish creature but also I know that my life is unreliable-- I do not know where I will be from one moment to the next, and I don't want it to be unfair to you.

[ausgebrannt]

[Caleb looked at Essek, nodding in understanding to those words. He knew that was the truth of it. Essek would need to be careful, may need to live constantly in motion to keep ahead of what attention may fall on him for his involvement with the Beacon. None of his was unexpected to Caleb.]

Even before tonight, when you have left my doorstep, my heart has always gone with you. That will not change no matter what we decide this will be between us.

[His hands were settled against the small of Essek's back.]

I am selfish too, Essek. I want you, however I may have you. My heart and my home are yours, if you want them, no matter how unpredictable your life may be. I will leave a light burning in my window for you, always, if you will come back to me.

[zauberdecke]

[ Those words flowed through him, at their ardency. He could feel his eyes fill with some sort of mist that he was unused to, which he burrowed his face against Caleb's neck to quell the heat that went through him, but also because there was still that vulnerability in the mist that obscured his starlight eyes. ]

Then I will come back, Caleb--- Your home will be the first one that I come back to and the last one I leave. [ He tilted his head then, but only so that he could look at that neck, that adam's apple that he could see swallowing in what he could only determine was a bit nervous. It took a lot to put one's heart on the line. ] For as long as you wish it to be, as long as you continue to wait for me and be patient with me.

[ And then a turn, a muffled declaration of that neck. ]

I am terribly in love with you... [ Because Caleb had been candid with him, and thus he would be candid with him in this moment, and perhaps that was the greatest present that Essek could give Caleb in that moment, the gift of admitted love. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Caleb was trying to keep his heart from beating out of his chest while he waited, though how could it do anything but race when it had been turned inside out and spilled out here in the light, confessions made and truth told. His arms tightened around the drow reflexively, holding him close as Essek went and hid his face.]

I will wait as long as you need me to wait.

[And then those words, that were too sweet to be meant for him. Was he really allowed to have something so incalculably precious? His breath caught in his throat and he had to take a moment to try to find his voice once more so he could properly answer.]

I am in love with you too. So completely.

[zauberdecke]

I know that you do not think yourself worthy of ne, but the secret is that I feel the same way that you do, except that I do not think that I am worthy of you.

[ A soft kiss to the pulse of neck before finally he leaned backward so that he could look into Caleb's eyes. ] So perhaps we shall work at being worthy of each other? Hand in hand?

[ it was an offer, because they both had their insecurities and their mutual traumas, their past sins that plagued them. But Essek thought that perhaps one day he could be the man worthy of the love of this bright and wonderfully caring man. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[A momentary surprise at the fact that Essek shared that insecurity, but really it was not entirely shocking. They'd both been defined in many ways, in their own minds, by their worst mistakes.]

Ja. Together. We will become better men together, ja? I am already better than I was, for having known you.

[He set a hand against Essek's cheek, thumb tracing along that sharp cheekbone. The affection was clear in his gaze, no attempt made to disguise even a scintilla of it.]

[zauberdecke]

Likewise, Caleb.

[ There was no mistletoe but now? There did not need to be an excuse to kiss him. He realized with sharpened clarity that he could kiss Caleb whenever he desired and wasn't that something to think about? A tilt upward to capture their lips together once again, this time the kiss was questing and seeking while his fingers combed through Caleb's hair, massaging against scalp-- all of those things that he would've been looked askance at if he was still a son of the Dynasty.

But he was not.

He was now a man who could live life on his own terms, and right now he was basking in the gift of what this night had given him, pressing kiss upon kiss on that mouth and with such startling clarity, he would not hide it either; this affection he felt in his heart for the other man. They would go to Aeor now, not just as colleagues, but something more. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Caleb would most assuredly be a fan of this new found permission and ability to kiss Essek when he wished. And when the Dunamancer wished. He leaned into those lips this time, chasing the kiss deeper, a hunger in him but also an unmistakable tenderness. Essek who had become someone he trusted without reservation, who had met him on an intellectual level, who understood some of the worst of the darkness in him.

Those fingers in his hair were deliciously distracting, and Caleb was very clearly remembering just how long it had been since he'd been with anyone. Ages. A lifetime ago. He probably ought to consider taking things slow, but they had been orbiting one another in this cautious dance a long while now.]

I... ah... had prepared a room for you, but I am wondering if perhaps you would consider sharing mine tonight?

so I was reading through this.. and it's christmas.. so....

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek was also a fan of the kisses, they were tender just as he had imagined them to be but also there was that underlying vein of heat, spice that he could taste upon Caleb's mouth and the warmth of those arms. They had made a decision here this day, and it meant that the world had opened up before them, even if that world was just their own hearts.

There was still possibility there.

He looked at Caleb rather consideringly, with those lashes that had no real right to be so soft and long, framing those violet eyes flecked with gold and how they appeared to be knowing. ] I think there would be no harm in that, though I know that I only require four hours of sleep, and I would not want to inadvertently wake you up but I suppose I could be very quiet and there are books in your room for me to read I would imagine.

[ Though Essek had proved to be a rather big fan of kissing up and to the point where he tried to manipulate the system. Maybe he would feel shame over how brazenly he acted, but he had been invited and well.. Caleb enjoyed it, he enjoyed it. So there was a mutual enjoyment and that was fine.. ]

Perhaps that was a roundabout way of saying that I would be honoured to share your room with you, Chathtiu.. [ Essek's bright firefly. ]

YAY CRIMMAS SHADOWGAST

[ausgebrannt]

[There was still part of Caleb that questioned whether or not he deserved something quite so good as love, but that voice had grown quiet -- or perhaps the voice of desire and rightness he felt having Essek in his arms had grown loud -- enough to not question it or doubt it. Life was too short for allowing that sort of doubt in any longer than it had already existed.

Besides, how could he ever resist those violet eyes and the gold scattered galaxies that swirled within them.]

There are few places in this tower where a book or three are not within immediate reach.

[Nerds. Gonna nerd. But. Arms around Essek, he les his hand slide up along the Dunamancer's spine.]

Good. I'm very glad. And honored too. [Though he was, unsurprisingly, also curious.]

Chathtiu. [He echoed quietly, trying out the word.] Will you tell me what this means or must I cast Tongues?

[zauberdecke]

[ As was expected, books easily accessed-- Essek thought that was perfect, to have both Caleb as well as an interesting tome within reach. But he rather thought, and he did not quite know why he was so sure, that this man and him might not get very much sleep when it ultimately came down to it. ]

You could cast Tongues, but I shall not tease you-- after all you were helpful in telling me what the affectionate word in Zemnian meant, so I will return the favor in good faith. [ A tilt of his head upward, how he managed to look up at Caleb in a slightly imperious way, as if he was in fact taller than Caleb (when he was not) was a marvel. ]

It means firefly, in the Undercommon tongue, it means that I consider you something warm and bright in the darkness... you are an eye catch for me, and always have been.

[ Because Essek had seen the beauty within Caleb and he wanted to revel in it, for he was but a moth who desired such warmth; he'd not felt it in such a very long time.. until the Nein, and Caleb ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Yeah there may not be too much reading or sleeping time tonight, given the growing electric energy in the air around them, as long held desire was finally being allowed to come out into the light.

As Essek answered, Caleb was certain that he was blushing. He'd never been called something quite so sweet. Warm and bright? Was that how Essek saw him? It was a thought that had his heart feeling fit to burst from his chest as if determined to make its way directly to Essek.]

I am not accustomed to hearing such sweet things... I fear you have me blushing.

[zauberdecke]

[ And Essek was not precisely frightened of it; perhaps he had been wary in the past of growing close to anyone, but the fact of the matter was that he trusted Caleb Widogast. There was no one that he trusted more than him, and knew that the other man understood everything about him and still accepted him.

They were two sides of the same coin.

And he wished that he could show Caleb how beautiful he truly was; Essek could see that the other man was still reluctant to believe it even as he wanted to believe it. ]

I think you deserve to blush a little bit, it brings out the freckles.

[ And perhaps a bit more carefully, maybe even with a hint of a smile. ] Makes them look like golden sundrops across your nose, and well everywhere really... I wonder how many stars I could chart against them?

[ausgebrannt]

[They'd seen the darkest pieces of each other, hadn't they? And Caleb found that he loved Essek for those dark places as much as the light ones, loved him all the more for the scars he'd carried from his past that had led him along the path to being this brilliant, beautiful, flawed, perfect man.

Except here was Essek continuing to say sweet things to him that had Caleb -- pale ass ginger that he was -- turning an even more noticeable shade of red.

So Essek would have to forgive him for tipping his head forward to hide it against the drow's shoulder before murmuring.]

I have told you that I'm in love with you already, ja?

[He felt like he was being wooed okay? And it was super effective and he liked it but also hearing someone say good things about him was not his strong suit and he didn't entirely know how to properly handle it. Never mind good things that were so achingly romantic like charting stars in his freckles.]

[zauberdecke]

Yes, that did come up in conversation.. I recall.

[ Essek said this quite matter-of-factly, even as he felt the forehead against his shoulder, could feel the heated blush as well as the complete and utter emotional wreck that he was making of Caleb. Good, very good; Essek found that he enjoyed that entirely too much.

Now that he knew, now that he understood that his feelings were reciprocated; there was very little he would not do for this man who promised to 'leave the light on' for him, who told him that he would wait for Essek's life to get settled. And now, Essek had something to return to, something to live for and to remind him that he could have a life full of this perhaps-- if he worked hard enough to deserve it. ]

You are not allowed to argue with me about how I perceive you, you are also not allowed to tell me I am wrong.

[ausgebrannt]

I was unaware there were rules.

[Caleb quipped, lifting his head to look at Essek with a smile that ran the strange border between mischievous and shy. The flush still lingering nudged it more towards the latter, even if the tone of his voice tried to tug it back to the former.]

Are there others I should be aware of? I'd hate to find myself in trouble unintentionally.

[Now, finding himself in trouble intentionally? Well. That might be fun.]

[zauberdecke]

Well not too many rules, I have had enough of too many needless rules but...

[ His arms were still wound around those shoulders, and he managed to give the other man a raised eye brow though those eyes held such quiet and pleased mirth-- the ex-shadowhand was enjoying himself, those smiles had become far more used to being on his lips and he looked far different from the slightly dead-eyed drow that held far more secrets then the Nein had been aware of. ]

There are a few rules, only a few.. and one of them is that how I see you may not be what you see.. but it is my truth. [ A fingertip just against the bottom of that chin, tilting it so that he could peer upwards, the tip of the elongated nail only just a little bit biting into bearded skin. ]

And did you not encourage me to live my truth and walk away from lies?

[ Oh yes, he was getting Caleb Widogast on a technicality now. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[See, this was the problem with falling in love with beautiful, staggeringly brilliant wizards; you often got trapped by logic that you couldn't possibly wiggle your way out of when it came to debates. And here he was with Essek handing him back his own words.

Yup. Well played.]

I suppose I did do exactly that, didn't I?

[There was a note of amusement in his voice still, as if he was fully aware of what Essek was doing. There was a note of something else entirely there too, inspired as he lifted his chin at the sharp pressure of that nail because wow holy crap why was that so much a turn on?]

[zauberdecke]

[ Very carefully, Essek leaned upward and pressed a full-mouthed kiss against that lower lip that was encased by the ginger of Caleb's beard, something that Essek was very much enamored of-- yes, Caleb had been very handsome clean-shaven and he had a feeling that was to impress him-- but he rather liked the beard more.

So he allowed his spare palm to move upward until his digits could run through the hair at jawline. ]

You are very very pretty, did you know that?

[ He was testing the other man, to dispute it.

Perhaps he was showing that deep down inside, he was still a little bit calculating and maybe just a little bit evil-- but only in the nice way. ]