Saintsmourn

[giveanything]

"Bless me father, for I have sinned," the words tumbled past his lips, ingrained in the well worn pathways of his memory from the years he'd spent in catechism and as an altar boy. Not that Liam was devout anymore -- how could he be, given what he'd become, given what he did and continued to do. The confessional booth was small and dark, light filtering in only dimly through the door and its screen that kept him hidden from the sanctuary beyond and from the priest he assumed would be on the other side.

"It has been... a very long time since my last confession."

What was he doing here? This was ridiculous. He couldn't possibly expect forgiveness and absolution. There had to be true repentance for that, real contrition, and Liam knew he couldn't manage either. He hated what he did, despised every moment of it, but he wouldn't stop. He couldn't stop. The price for disobeying was far too severe, and he would not be the one to pay it. The price for his disobedience and his failure would be paid by his brother, and he couldn't live with that.

So William had made his choice, made it again and again, putting that one life ahead of so many others. And oh he was good at what he did, talented at ruining people, in shattering whatever it was in a human being that kept their souls in place, until they were ready to throw it away. His watcher commended him for it, in a sick and sadistic sort of amusement.

Today's lost soul had been... fuck. It had been hard. She was young, barely nineteen, and her road had already been a hard one. He'd played the game with her for the past few weeks, insinuating darkness and doubt into the cracks of that already-battered soul. Today. Today she'd shattered, and there would be no recovering from it. Another soul for the demon who owned him.

He could feel the panic rising up in his chest, cold and hard and threatening to freeze his lungs so he couldn't draw in enough breath. In the dimness and silence of the confessional, all the carefully constructed walls and facades trembled and fell away. Gone were the easy smiles and quite literal devil-may-care attitude, all the charisma and charm that he relied on in his cursed excuse for a job. It was him and his breathing and the silence and the faceless priest in the chamber beside him. Liam wondered if he could hear the panic in his breathing.

"I... sorry. This was a mistake. I should go. I'm sorry, Father, for wasting your time."

Comments

[giveanything]

One night. How completely could one single night shatter the very foundations of a person? They'd find out, wouldn't they?

But those thoughts were a million miles away. The only thing he could think of at all was this moment and how perfect it felt, how perfect Riley felt. Any further words he might have spoken were quite effectively caught by those lips, and Liam was all too happy to give up any attempt at speaking and allow himself to be pulled closer.

He couldn't help an almost reflexive roll of his hips against the other man, a soft and needing sound as the ache of his arousal found friction and purchase. And oh he could feel the answering hardness of Riley's prick against his own. Liam nearly jumped in surprise at those hands beneath his shirt, the feeling of fingers directly against his skin warm and welcome and feeling like they might set him on actual fire.

His own hands could not keep still, dropping to catch the fabric of the shirt he'd loaned to the other man and urging it up so he could let his hands roam as well to feel warm, soft skin beneath his touch. There was something of a desperation in Liam, as if he expected this to be taken away from him at any moment, in the very next breath.

[eblouissant]

It was with a type of reverence that Riley moved his fingertips against each patch of skin revealed, it conveyed not the profanity that Liam was used to but the same way that one would handle a sacred relic. With infinite care and gentleness, it directly mimiced the slow deep way that Riley's mouth met Liam's in that case, welcoming him in like a church found to be welcoming sinners.

But really, Riley knew that he was not without sin either.

He did not think about that too much in detail, he could think about it come the morrow.

Riley ripped his mouth away from Liam's lips but only so that he could brush his lips against the jawline, graze there and scratch his own smooth skin against the facial hair there-- and then downward still until his mouth pressed right to the pulse, to a few inches shy of the bruising mark-- and then he placed his own benediction upon it, upon the skin there as if a single kiss could purify the skin there.

[giveanything]

This was not something that Liam had ever experienced, being touched like he was something precious, something to be wanted and not just something to be put to use. It was overwhelming, and if he wasn't careful he might drown in the sheer thrilling rush of it. If he wasn't careful, he'd put a name to the feeling that the other man stirred in him every time they spoke, every time he saw Riley's number come up on his phone or his text messages. And wouldn't that be a dangerous thing, to voice it even in the silence of his own mind.

Liam's breath trembled past his lips as the kiss broke, head falling to the side with a soft, wordless sound of appreciation and encouragement. Riley's lips felt like absolution, as if each touch could wash away another sin. Heaven knew he had so very man staining his hands and what remained of his demon-held soul. He realized with a breathtaking clarity just where the other man's lips were touching so gently, had tried to avert his eyes from the ugly mark left at his neck in the mirror earlier. Of course Riley had seen it, but somehow he graced it with that gentle, sweet touch rather than taking it as further reason that Liam was a damaged, tainted thing that he ought to run from as fast as his legs could carry him.

His fingers slipped into soft strands of long hair once more, holding like the priest was his lifeline. Another slow roll of his hips, another quiet gasp of pleasure. "Riley..." and then his name, just his name, the first time he'd spoken it rather than calling him by his title.

[eblouissant]

Right now they were equals in this bubble of personal safety, and it never rang true more than when Liam called his name like a mantra-- the whisper that filled his own heart with such unspeakable tenderness. This was not a sin, it could not be could it?

Not for him in this moment where touching Liam was like a whispered prayer furled ever upward toward the heavens.

"Tell me what you want?" The path of mouth wound around that neck from one side to the other, "Tell me if I hurt you.. or do something you do not like." It was perfectly clear that this night Riley was heaven-bound in seeing to Liam's comfort and pleasure in the way Gregory had not.

[giveanything]

These were questions that Liam had never been asked, words he'd never heard spoken to him. It was overwhelming, but in the best way that he could possibly imagine. Even if it was only one night, this was what it was like to feel cared for, wasn't it?

Something felt like it pulsed inside him, quickening and stirring to life from a long, cold torpor. Whatever seeds still remained in his heart were reacting to Riley's warmth and light, unfurling and remembering that they were meant to be alive, to grow.

"I want you..." A soft breathless and tentative start, as if he was uncertain if he could really be so plain about what he wanted. It was the truest confession he had ever made, head leaning to the side and fingers running through Riley's hair in encouragement. "I want your hands on me, your lips. I want to touch you, all of you. I want to make you feel good." Liam wanted that more than anything, to know that he had been the one to give the other man pleasure. "Fuck me, Riley?"

He wanted to actually give himself to someone for once, instead of just having it taken.

[eblouissant]

Oh gods, those words stirred something within him-- being wanted and being given permission to want in return and the sheer desperate need of the other man.

This was a one time thing, this could not happen again-- how to fit all the touches in the world into a single night, a single encounter? Was that even possible?

He would have to try though.

Riley's mouth slid against shoulder while his palm pressed flat against chest, stroking downward lightly until a light and delicate fingertip could find a nipple and brush the burgeoning ridges around the peak.

"I want that as well.." he breathed in Liam, the scent of him while he arched himself upward and caught friction there which caused a near shattered moan that echoed over skin.

[giveanything]

Then they were both in tune with the idea of fitting an entire lifetime into a single night. Liam had meant what he said earlier. They couldn't be friends. He wouldn't be the reason Riley got hurt. This was a goodbye as much as anything else, a precious stolen memory that Liam would cling to as long as some shred of his humanity was left in him.

But he didn't want to think about parting and goodbyes right now. He didn't want to think at all, only feel.

A shiver raced through him, an electric thrill over the surface of his skin and deep into the heart of him. He arched towards the touch, fingers tightening their grip in hair. "Come to my bed?"

His lips found their way into a smile, playful and just the slightest bit wicked. "I think I'll need my clothes back from you sooner than expected." Because he very much needed Riley naked now, thank you.

[eblouissant]

For someone who had as a child dreamed of something close to friendship and love, before he had decided that there were many people who needed his unselfish love and compassion, he had wanted someone to marry and a white picket fence. It had gone well beyond the realm of physical to something far more metaphysical.

But it could still be something pure and holy, it could be reverent like a prayer.

He nodded with the tickle of his blonde locks lightly brushing against shoulder and then he tried to push the other man up from his lap, but only so that he could pull upward at the shirt and then graze his mouth against the spot just above a bellybutton, an inch downward to the navel.. and then his eyes slid upward to look at Liam.

"Now?" his own hand twitching at the fabric of the shirt that covered his own chest. "Because if you want your clothes back that bad, there is no choice for it."

[giveanything]

Liam had those dreams too, of love and a family, kids and a dog and maybe a cat or two. A small house with enough of a yard to play in. He'd had to put them away, wrapped carefully in tissue paper and stored like heirloom china, in the crawlspace of his mind.

He let himself be shifted upwards, no arguments at all with what those hands were doing. His stomach caved, ticklish but hot, a molten pressure pooling as those lips played at his navel. Oh. That was not fair, Riley looking at him like that.

"Now," he agreed, fingertips catching beneath Riley's chin. "You look good in them, but I am convinced you'll look even better out of them."

[eblouissant]

The shirt was pulled up and over his head and then he threw it off to the side, revealing a surprisingly well-toned torso; he had did not have a noticeable six pack but if you got in you'd see a subtle delination therein. Definitely the mark of a swimmer.

He rose up from the couch and then he wrapped one arm around Liam's waist with the other hand moving up to clasp Liam's to press fingertips to his lips.

"You know this means that you have to keep things fair..." it meant that clothes needed to be off for Liam as well, he wanted to see that form in all it's beautiful and if it would be just one day he wanted to be able to enjoy that one time.

[giveanything]

The true sin here was Riley hiding all that under the vestments of a priest because Liam could not take his eyes off that newly bared skin, that swimmer's body, strong-shouldered and strong and lean. Without realizing it he found himself biting at his bottom lip, utterly enjoying the view he'd been presented.

Then Riley went and did something sweet and romantic again, and it set Liam's heart to aching. Such a simple thing, the gentle touch of those lips at his fingertips.

"Mm... I suppose fair is only fair." He was eager for there to be nothing left between them anyway. He was still securely within Riley's embrace even as he wiggled enough to pull his own shirt up and off over his head. Liam was, in the apparent shared tradition of the Leary brothers, built like a runner, lithe and lean. Dark hair was generously dusted across his chest, and then a trail of the same dark hair lower running from below his navel to where it disappeared beneath the waistband of his pants.

With his shirt off, the evidence of Gregory's presence was more noticeable, another bitemark against his chest, bruises that looked suspiciously like handprints at one bicep and his hips.

[eblouissant]

As if it truly registered to Riley that he was built like he was, he had not focused too hard on such things when he was a teenager; his physique or his dateability. But he was not going to lie, the way that Liam looked at him gave him a thrill of something-- it was potent to be wanted by someone you wanted as well; much more than he had ever thought possible.

He was learning quite a bit about himself in the process.

There'd be much thinking about it when he had time to. His eyes softened as he took the time to look at Liam, taking in the way that the other man looked-- the slender frame that still had structure to it, and then other things that caused his blue eyes to blow wide with desire.

The gaze sharpened though as he saw the marks left all over that body, and so he pulled the other guy to him, nuzzled his lips against a jawline and then breathed against skin. "Let me wipe the memory of him from your body?"

[giveanything]

Liam was powerless to stop himself from reaching out, to letting his hand press flat against Riley's chest, trailing down slow and deliberate, skin warm and soft beneath his fingers. Oh yes, Liam wanted him very much, down to the deepest reaches of his heart. He hadn't realized yet how he had stepped past the point of no return already, that Riley would now have a permanent claim on his heart.

He liked the way that Riley was looking at him too, like he was worth looking at, like he wanted him. It was intoxicating, and he wanted to chase that high.

Riley was so deliciously warm, Liam noted to himself as the other man pulled him in close, eyes slipping mostly shut, right in time for those words to simultaneously melt his heart into a puddle of yearning in his chest and ignite his arousal all the sharper. Fuck. Did Riley have any idea how sexy that was? How sweet and beautiful and thrilling? "Please..? Give me a better memory to hold onto?"

[eblouissant]

"Lead me to your bed."

Riley murmured even as he leaned in and brushed their lips together, something open-mouthed and sweet but also simultaneously hot and with the barest whisper of lower lip against lower lip, the sprinkle of tongue as it glided against a partner. He could whisper into that mouth everything he felt in this moment and he'd hope it would reach Liam's soul through any cracks held within.

Heat suffused him while they pressed chest to chest, he could feel the chest hair scratch against his far smoother chest, if there was hair-- it was light and slightly golden in nature, exceedingly fine and delicate.

He was ready to take that hand offered to him, take it and be led to the bed where they would make a heaven of it.

[giveanything]

Liam hummed a sound that was as close as a human could manage to purring to Riley's lips, soft and low. He wondered for a moment if he could vanish into the other man entirely, sink inside this feeling of being desired and cared for. He wondered if the priest knew how completely he was undoing him, already, more and more with each passing moment, each touch, each sound.

He eventually stepped back enough to take Riley's hand and lead him back to his waiting bed. His apartment was small and familiar enough to him that he kept his eyes on the other man as he walked -- mostly backwards -- stopping at the moment the back of his legs touched the edge of his mattress.

"You're beautiful, you know. All of you..." Inside and out. The glow of the priest's kind, sweet soul. The swimmer's body and that face that would make angels cry.

[eblouissant]

It was not that he had ever set out to actively save Liam, but there was a striking and sincere part of himself that desired a way to bring Liam back from the edge that he was poised upon with this Gregory. As if he could use his light to chase away that darkness, even a lantern looking for Liam.

A light in the window to guide him home.

And right now he was guiding him home with his lips, with the trust that denoted that he understood that Liam would not guide him astray. He hooked Liam's fingers against the borrowed sweatpants and said with a flush to his cheeks. "It appears I have not given you your pants back." just a pull downward but he was allowing Liam to do that, to edge the pants down and to finally reveal all of him. "And I think that you are just as attractive as me... your eyes are beautiful, even though sad-- I know that they would be radiant if you were happy."

[giveanything]

Liam had been so long in the dark that any light at all felt near blinding, but he still wanted to bask in the glow of Riley, wanted to follow it home indeed, a lighthouse to lead him out of the storm that he'd been lost in for years. Could he be saved? From Gregory? From himself? He wasn't brave enough to give into hope just yet, but despite that a seed had been planted, had started to take root in the very depths of him.

He let his fingers curl into that waistband. "You haven't. But that's very easy to fix." And Liam would fix it here like he was opening the most thrilling gift that he'd ever been given. He tugged at those pants until he could slide them from Riley's hips, freeing the other man's arousal and letting his eyes take him in. Oh he was right. Thoroughly beautiful, all of him.

Liam could not resist letting his hand palm at the priest's prick, letting the head of his arousal drag along his palm, a smear of slick precome making the slide effortless. But he was surprised by those words, looking up at Riley in surprise that he couldn't quite hide. Liam was good at selling the lie, that everything was fine, a mask of charm and affability, as if he didn't even know the meaning of the word worry. But Riley had seen straight through him again and again.

Stepping in closer, he brushed his lips along a collarbone. "This is the happiest I've been in a long while." It was remarkable how feeling like he wasn't entirely alone, even for one night, could help.

[eblouissant]

He pressed a kiss to Liam's hand, making sure that it was a very felt tribute-- and strangely enough, for this he did not feel guilty. It felt right, like what he was meant to do, as if every single step he'd ever taken was only to lead to this.

Nothing like that camping trip before seminary, that had ladled him with guilt. There was a difference here which he was not prepared to focus on just yet.

His eyes fell shut at the reverent touch while he listened to Liam, the shivers that erupted through his body, though he tried to get himself together enough to step out of the loaned sweatpants, then he moved to sit down on the edge of Liam's bed, his hand moving to reach for it's partner.

"You... come here." He breathed with more than a bit of lovely shyness. His heart swelling with the beauty of the moment. "Though maybe you should take your pants off first..."

[giveanything]

How unfair that Riley could be so sweet and shy at the same time he was devastatingly attractive and ruining Liam's ability to think of anything that wasn't the handsome face and gentle voice of the man in front of him.

"Maybe?" A gentle teasing of his own even as he was shimmying his way out of his pants, stepping out of them and leaving where they lay to reaching out and catch Riley's hand with his, slowly and deliberately lacing their fingers together securely. Another step and he was standing between Riley's legs. His free hand found its way to brush the priest's hair back from his face so he could see him better.

He smiled then, and there was a genuine glow to it that was absent from so many of his usual expression, reaching his eyes. "You're amazing, Riley. I hope you know that."

[eblouissant]

This was near holy, the moment between the two of them-- not something carnal but almost like a religious experience-- because to Riley, it was not so much about the sex but rather the connection that they were forging together. The sex was a means to that end and to illustrate that, Riley leaned in to press a kiss against Liam's heart-- the soft tickling of chest hair that caused a glimmer to come to his eyes.

And then ceremoniously he tugged Liam to come straddle his lap, this time far more naked, where they could be thigh to thigh and chest to chest. "I am just myself and I have been myself for far longer than I can remmember." He said with a chuckle. "Do not put me on a pedestal, I would not be comfortable up there I don't think."