: Saintsmourn - Nicholas & Patrick :

[dangernerd]

Nicholas Kirkland (Nicky to those who he considered friends) was at this moment finishing up the last of his reading for his college classes. In the little dorm-room that himself and Patrick shared, it was a muddle of books and random objects that they'd collected. Not only that but also bits and bobs of their friendship tied into neat little nostalgic notes.

The last rays of the sun was streaming in through the window and he was poised, feet crossed on desk and balancing barely on the back two legs-- precarious yes, and honestly he knew that he should not really be doing this. Coordination be damned, he'd never worried about it before despite the bumps and bruises he regularly got because he was perennially distracted.

It was almost time for Patrick to come home from his late evening classes and then they'd start their foraging for dinner.

After that, well the evening was still young and there was trouble to be had. All of which he looked forward to, after all Patrick had for as long as he remembered, been his favorite partner in crime.. they had grown up together and they had a special bond.

As close as brothers, except not quite-- and honestly? Nicholas was glad for that.

Comments

[giveeverything]

Yeah no, not quite brothers. For multiple reasons. Patrick's relationship with his brother was, well, fraught to put it mildly. Also he had never woken up breathless and, erm, sticky from dreams about his brother. Nicky on the other hand? Yeah, that had happened. More than once. Would undoubtedly happen again.

Anyway, that wasn't on his mind (mostly) right now as he made his way back to their dorm room, backpack slung over one shoulder. Nicholas would hear him fumbling for his eyes outside the door, cursing under his breath as he patted down all his pockets and searching in the front of his bookbag. Then his pockets again -- which was, of course, where his keys were in the first place -- before finally making it through the door.

"I really should've made you take this class with me. Walking back on my own is boring." He fixed a pout on his roommate-and-best-friend-forever before a grin chased it right off his features.

[dangernerd]

That earned quite the grin in return, those blue eyes sparkling before he slammed his book shut and tossed it on his desk. Raking a few fingers through his auburn hair, and then he attempted to right himself as gracefully as possible which arguably it did not come off as smooth as was intended; perhaps it was the godawful noise of squeak against the wooden floor.

Then the clang as the front legs slammed down rather inelegantly.

"You should have made me take it, but I would have distracted you-- you know that I get a bit bored when people talk about religion unless it is ancient and the people are wearing togas." a whistle as he got up from the chair and stuck his hands in the pockets of his blue jeans. "And when I'm bored, you suffer for it-- remember?"

[giveeverything]

Patrick could feel his heart give what was by now a familiar little flip in his chest when Nicky turned the full force of that smile on him. Then he was wincing as his roommate nearly proved why he was a danger to himself. But the chair landed, nothing fell over. Safe enough.

"Yeah, Nicky. I know all about your toga fetish." He wrinkled his nose at him before laughing. "That is true. I do suffer. Greatly. Unimaginably so." Clearly it was a terrible hardship. "Lucky for you, I've got a masochistic streak." Or apparently not.

He shifted enough so that he could half-heartedly nudge at the other man's foot with his own. Ha. Kicked. Take that.

[dangernerd]

"You are the grand emperor of suffering, I do not know how I put up with you; you should wear a toga and grape leaves, but would that be too pagan of you?" The powers that be had 'tried' to put them in separate rooms one year, then they had driven their respective roommates crazy with the lack of privacy that had been given (Nicky never stayed in his room, even after curfew) and thus they were never split up again after that.

The kick of foot against foot reminded him in the most neurodivergent way of plans for tonight, it was a friday which meant that they had the weekend all to themselves. "So, I think tonight we should check out an old graveyard or a 'supposedly' haunted house.. that is after we eat."

They had to be back by 11 on a Friday but that had never stopped them before. "What you say, up for it? They say the old Hollister place has a poltergeist or two-- we could search for residue." this was clearly a nerd-to-nerd mating call.

[giveeverything]

"See? There it is again. Toga fetish. Alive and well. Niche as all fuck, but hey. We don't kinkshame in this dorm room."

It would be too pagan of him, but he lived in a world where he was aware of magic and demons and all manner of other things. All religions were valid and important to be aware of because you never knew where the answer to solving some hideous dangerous problem with some creature or another would lie.

Patrick visibly perked up at the mention of graveyards and haunted houses though. The mating call of the nerd had been herd and was being reciprocated. "I'm so up for it. Let me get a hoodie and my bag." His bag with all his various paraphernalia for supernatural forays.

[dangernerd]

There was that answering grin, it was the 'I knew that you would be down for it but I had to ask' smile that lit up the blue of his eyes, the perpetual call for adventure. Certainly he was not as fire-headed as his sister by any stretch of the imagination but there was something in the Kirkland genes that called to adventure. Perhaps it was in the fire of his hair, or how the same light could turn his eyes into blue flames, further intensified by each smile that directed in Trick's way.

"You would not look so bad in a Toga, let us be real." he said this as he crossed his arms and leaned rather smoothly into what he 'thought' was the bookcase but rather appeared to be thin air, which nullified the whole smooth thing and sent him scrambling to catch hold of anything which happened to be the coat rack; of which he swayed precariously against it as he caught hold.

You did not see that, whatsoever.

On the bed, Jellyroll (Jella for short) meowed plaintively at her big dumb orange cat of a human tripped over something again. Gracefulness? Nicky didn't know her.

[giveeverything]

Not fair to smile at him that way. It hadn't been fair for years now, but Trick wouldn't trade seeing that smile for the world, even if each and every time it pulled painfully at something in him that was stupid enough to want something more than what they already had. How could he be that selfish? Nicky was his closest friend, his partner in it's-only-a-crime-if-you-get-caught.

"I've got legs for days. I'd rock the fuck out of a to-- oh god Nicky..!"

There went gravity trying to tempt the other man to his death. Again. Patrick hung his head as he watched his roommate catch himself, narrowly averting disaster. Again. "I'm gonna buy you a helmet to wear when you're..." He gestured at him. "Existing."

[dangernerd]

"I absolutely swear that the bookcase was there just a moment ago." and then Nicky did which all self-respecting men did when they were seen in near-topple, in that he casually picked up something to distract himself, this was ultimately a pride thing and much like what a cat did when they were licking the tail.

You know, changing the subject.

"Ahem~ well, we can grab a bite to eat before we head out, eat on the way." there was usually a take to the room option in styrofoam containers because at least this was modern enough of a university where they could grab to-go boxes. "We will need energy for hunting ghosts, and lucky for you I have my camera already packed" the one with a special filter attachment to pick up better any irregularities.

He'd been planning this? Of course he had.

And Nicholas was absolutely not imagining his best friend in a Toga, a short one. Absolutely not, this guy did not exist in a perpetual state of horny and disaster all rolled up in one-- there was some things you did not tell your best friend, and that was that you were panting after him like something in heat. He had a feeling(wrong) that it would not be an appropriate sentiment to share.

[giveeverything]

"Bookcases are tricky like that. They're surprisingly fast." Patrick nodded solemnly. Poor Nicky, betrayed by object permanence and gravity. But he was charming just the way he was, and Trick would not change a thing about him at all.

His eyebrows lifted as his roommate detailed a fully planned night. It was, honestly, the height of nerd romance. Be still his supernaturally fascinated heart. A laugh, and he moved to start changing, trading in his clothes for class for something more suited for crawling through a haunted house.

He snatched up his backpack. "Perfect. Dinner then ghost hunting. Can't imagine a better way to spend a Friday night."

[dangernerd]

That caused a delighted laugh to go through Nicky, perhaps it was because of such quick-charm-- only part of what endeared Trick to him and yet still precious all the while (also part of it was the fact that Trick was a nice drink of water that he was only allowed to look at); the nerd romance was something that tugged at the both of them and the red string of fate that connected without them precisely knowing.

Nicholas turned away so that he could stuff his notebook into his pack though not without a very furtive look over his shoulder, it was a loaded glance and it happened right as the other man was shrugging into his jacket.

"I cannot imagine a way for .." he reached for his own denim jacket and he shrugged it on, a well worn one that happened to scent of redwood and citrus, spicy scents that were very much Nicky's MO. He then slung his backpack over his shoulder and then did a playful shoulder check. "Let's go then? Time to get into a little bit of trouble.... gods willing."

[giveeverything]

Patrick meanwhile would do his best to swallow back the swarm of butterflies that took flight in him every time that Nicky laughed. He was in so deep over his head for his friend, and he'd spent years now convincing himself that was fine this was fine. It was enough. What they had was more than enough.

So what if Patrick occasionally raided Nicky's hoodies (with the excuse that he needed to do laundry) so he could wear one and feel like he was wrapped in the other man's scent. That was a completely normal platonic thing to do.

He leaned right into the shouldering, looking at his roommate with the sort of adoration that literally everyone around them had clocked ages ago but they were still oblivious to. "I have full faith in your trouble-finding skills. Come on."

[dangernerd]

It was not fair when Patrick looked at him like that.

But Nicholas had seen it so many times that he had come to think of it as a friend-thing; it was the look that Trick specifically gave him; it likely did not mean anything whatsoever. Not even a little bit-- he also tried not to get a little bit horribly jealous whenever a pretty girl or handsome guy talked to Trick, like fair alright-- Trick was extremely amazingly hot and Nicky recognized that. But there was that longing within him, deep and abiding pining that he would probably not do anything about.

"Really, it has not steered us down a path we cannot return yet--" with that being the operative term, they were two that thrived on the thrill of danger which in retrospect probably served other people not so well. "Oh yes, I also packed some supplies for molotov cocktails.. you know, just in case."

Cause a distraction and then escape.

Honestly, Nicky crossed the line between bad boy and nerd every single day. If only he had spatial awareness, he'd be golden.

[giveeverything]

They were such good friends. Just. So friendly and platonic. Bros. They were such bro-ish bros. Because what a bro thing to imagine what your best bro's lips would feel like against your own, to wonder what it would be feel like to fall asleep in his arms. He tried to manage his own jealousy too when he noticed other people clearly flirting with Nicky -- because why wouldn't they? His best friend was handsome and clever and funny. A force of nature.

The bad boy nerd energy was irresistible. God had given Nicky zero proprioception because otherwise he'd have been too powerful.

"Yet," Trick agreed with a shake of his head as they headed out. He full on cackled when Nicky brought up molotov cocktails. "You know for most guys our age, Friday nights involve the non-exploding type of cocktails." Or well, cheap-ass beer. But Patrick wouldn't trade what they had for anything else. "I like your idea of a good time better though."

[dangernerd]

"Well, you are in luck-- I have that covered." Because Nicky thought of everything, you never bring matche with a bit of 'lighter fluid' and in this case it was aged cask bourbon that had somehow managed not to get confiscated in room inspections-- they really lucked out with their assigned Dorm Father this year.

Sometimes he went home to visit on the weekends and his older sister happened to have an extensive collection of liquor. He'd knicked a flask of it here or there.

Jella was petted and then the room was locked and secured before they madw their way down the hall, and with Nicky's bag full of contraband and him without a care in the world as if it merely contained study materials. "Well I would not trade you in for any other partner in crime, not even when you snore."

Said the honk-shoo-mimimi'er.

[giveeverything]

"Excuse me, Mr. not-even-quiet-when-he-sleeps, which one of us is the snorer?"

Both. It was both of them. But this was the usual with them, comfortable banter that followed a choreography they'd perfected years ago, dancing around one another in perfect step. "But back at you. You and me against the world, Nicky." Both the seen and unseen world.

God what would he have even been if it weren't for Nicky's presence in his life? With the wreck of his relationship with his brother and Trick's determination to stop Liam from whatever path he was on, he would've lost his mind and all the brighter parts of himself if it weren't for Nicholas.

[dangernerd]

Nicky had not had a terrible life, his sister was a bully but then again she was one of those people that you just did not cross, all six feet of her, a scant inch taller than Nicky which he thought perhaps was a bit fitting all things told- that she could still fist check him when needed.

But his friendship with Trick had been built on trust and an understanding that when they had met as children, they both knew they would be friends for life, something for life. It was only with the onset of puberty that things had started to change for Nicholas though perhaps he'd always been a little bit crushy of the other guy.

"Together we are unstoppable." Nicholas said as he held up his fist, so that they could bump.

"Also together we could keep the sawmills of dreamland alive and operational."

That was indeed the truth.

[giveeverything]

Trick knocked his fist against Nicky's in the old familiar gesture, ignoring the way his fingers wanted to uncurl and tangle together with the other man's and hold his hand instead of just the quick momentary contact. He took that urge and tamped it down with the other feelings, stuffing them deeper and deeper into the back of his mind.

Instead he laughed. Okay yes, Nicky had a point. They were both log sawyers of the highest caliber. It was fine.

Food was up ahead anyway, and proved a good distraction for Patrick and his thoughts and feelings. It didn't take too long to snag some takeaway and be ready to head out to the real purpose of the evening.

[dangernerd]

Feelings were such inconvenient things with the intensity that they wrapped around the bearer of them. There were always sparks, always that frisson of something more between them, but Nicky played it off-- perhaps because he did not want to draw attention to what he felt, he did not want to draw attention to an adoration that could not be returned.

So Nicky felt, and Nicky pretended that everything was normal and fine.

Once they had their styrofoam boxes in hand, it was out of the sacred halls of Saintsmourn and into waning afternoon light. The scent of fall was touching around them and would cause them to wrap their jackets around them tighter. But Nicky was prepared, had hand warmers in his bag alongside gloves. Everything they could need for an evening spent chasing ghosts.

And then afterwards they would run to the cafe like they usually did, evading curfew and talking excitedly over their experiences over mugs of coffee.

[giveeverything]

Always sparks. Always. They left Patrick wondering at the way every moment with Nicky seemed to lead to his best friend filling his universe with even more constellations. Every star in his sky was hung by Nicholas Kirkland, and Patrick steered his ship by them above any other compass or map. He wondered sometimes if Nicky understood how much light he flooded into Patrick's world, knew how bright he shone. Somehow Trick doubted it. His roommate did not understand how incredible he was, not by half.

Off into the autumn evening, takeout in hand, off to look for hauntings and trouble. It was a perfect moment. Well, almost perfect. Trick allowed himself the briefest imagining of reaching over and slipping his hand into Nicky's, into finding out once and for all how their fingers fit together. God he loved him -- which was why, of course, he had to make sure that Nicky never found out.

Because that was sound and flawless logic from a pining idiot.

He'd been thinking about it a lot lately, too much, and that was why his mind had also been turning over another idea as well. "So my advisor thinks that after I graduate, I should consider the seminary."

W O W what a bomb drop

[dangernerd]

The stars could not shine unless there was the beautiful palate of a night sky to begin with, and to Nicholas the other guy was the warm velvety darkness that wrapped around him, like a blanket. For all of that he held a certain amount of bravado that he exhibited, there was a healthy amount of anxiety within him.

So Trick was his own grounding point, the person who kept him sane and focused.

The statement came like a wrecking ball but Nicky did not respond right away, rather he processed his way through the revealed information. He did not want to react to it in a manner that was not understanding, but he also knew that entering the seminary would take up a lot of Trick's time. And that meant figuring himself out in the process-- it would separate them because he was not the religious sort, never had been.

The only reason why he was here at Saintsmourn was because it was a long family tradition.. much like Trick's family had been.

"Oh, is this something that you want? I mean removing your advisor from the equation." because Nicky wanted to make sure that his best friend had the autonomy that he deserved.

[giveeverything]

That was the question, wasn't it? Patrick didn't particularly want to be a priest. He wasn't exactly devout. Theology and religion were tools that he wielded in an effort to try to stop whatever the hell was going on with his brother. Trick was still half convinced that Liam had lost his mind, that somehow his brother was possessed even if he could pinpoint no entity actually within Liam.

"I..."

'No. I want to make my brother be normal again and then marry you and chase ghosts and monsters and have babies and live happily ever after.' That would be the truth. And that would be what Trick couldn't possibly ever say.

"No, I don't think it is. But what I want... well, what I want isn't exactly realistic. So I don't know. Maybe it'd be useful?" A crooked smile. "Also I'd be, like, really hot as priests go, right? Like for a layperson, I'm a solid six-and-a-half, but for a priest I've got to be at least an eight. Maybe even a nine depending on how well I rock a roman collar."

[dangernerd]

When it came down to it, Nicky did not think that the other guy would be happy in the seminary. His best friend had the same idea of religion as he did though he studied it, he was halfway convinced that Trick was studying it to be able to dissect it, to root it out at it's source. There was also Liam to be considered-- what Nicky did not tell Patrick was that occasionally Liam would come up and ask him how Patrick was doing, in which case the redhead would be cordial but only reveal the bare minimum such as how he was doing with his studies.

Weather conversation, that is if people were the weather.

A laugh then at Trick's own words, it definitely detracted from the seriousness of it all. Better to play into this, the theoretical discussion of Trick's hotness as a priest. "I would be much more generous, bro-- at least a 9 and then a the roman collar would propel it right off the scale. It's the forbidden part of it that is going to get the stares."

Was he wrong? He was not wrong, but also he was not sure that Trick would be happy-- even if a life could not end for him and Trick being together? Well Trick deserved someone who could cherish him, who would make sure his favorite breakfast cereal was stocked in the pantry and other bullshit domestic stuff which totally was not floating through Nicky's head.

[giveeverything]

"You're making me blush, Nicky." Patrick laughed too, because that was safer. Much safer than dwelling on all the feelings that were roiling in him, always roiling in him, directed at Nicholas.

It was the forbidden part that really made it, right? Both in the hypothetical priest scenario and in wanting to kiss his closest friend utterly breathless. Because oh that was entirely forbidden, wasn't it? He could ruin so much between them with one misstep.

And yet, he could never quite manage to talk himself out of those feelings. On the contrary, they continued to grow each day. Maybe it was hopeless. Who could know Nicky and not wind up falling helplessly in love with him? That thought flustered him, and in typical Trick fashion, flustering meant that the floodgates on his mouth opened wide.

"But honestly, like... if I became a priest... it'd be weird, right? And I'd die a virgin? Which seems like a really crappy deal." Confessing, unprompted to being a virgin. Doing well. Nailing it. He should stop talking. Stop talking stop talking stop talking. But somehow Patrick felt like a helpless bystander watching a slow motion trainwreck, and somehow he was also the one driving the train. The words kept coming. "And then I'd feel like such a cliche on top of it. The gay son becoming a priest instead of just coming to terms with his sexuality." And randomly, unprompted, coming out to his best friend. ...coming out period. He hadn't said any of this out loud just yet.

[dangernerd]

Actually Trick was not 'nailing it', in fact within his virgin state he was not really nailing anything.

"Actually you do not have anything to worry about I guess? I am a virgin too-- in case you have not noticed, I am much too busy with coursework to do any of the precursors to the whole sex thing." Nicholas said, as way to make his best friend feel better about his own virgin state. "But I feel you, I do.. I have never considered my sexuality really, except that the world is full of pretty people and.." none of them he really wanted, though aesthetically they were pleasing.

"Well.." he gestures as best as he could while holding a styrofoam box, it happened to be the Friday night fish and well, there was coleslaw in there too and he did not want to get the fish soggy. "But I mean, if you are worried about.." why did it feel like ash in his stomach? "..your virginity, I am sure that there are scores of guys that would like to take it off your hands."

Listen Nicky was reminding Trick that he could get that taken care of BEFORE the seminary.

[giveeverything]

"Never?" What a sad and shattering confirmation to the fact that his attraction was so desperately one-sided. Maybe he really should become a nun. Priest. Whatever. Trick tried not to look quite so defeated as he felt, all the more so at the mention of scores of guys who would take his virginity off his hands. He supposed that was a compliment really, and he appreciated the faith that Nicky had in him.

But the problem was, Patrick didn't want scores of guys. He wanted one, a very particular one who was currently carrying cafeteria fish. It took him a moment, but he summoned up a close approximation of his usual laugh. "Scores is a lot. I probably ought to pace myself. Maybe do some stretching and cardio." Haha because it was funny and not utterly heartbreaking.

"Besides, I kind of want it to be someone special. ...shut up." Just to cut off the inevitable teasing about his clearly being a hopeless (so utterly and completely hopeless) romantic.