: Saintsmourn - Nicholas & Patrick :

[dangernerd]

Nicholas Kirkland (Nicky to those who he considered friends) was at this moment finishing up the last of his reading for his college classes. In the little dorm-room that himself and Patrick shared, it was a muddle of books and random objects that they'd collected. Not only that but also bits and bobs of their friendship tied into neat little nostalgic notes.

The last rays of the sun was streaming in through the window and he was poised, feet crossed on desk and balancing barely on the back two legs-- precarious yes, and honestly he knew that he should not really be doing this. Coordination be damned, he'd never worried about it before despite the bumps and bruises he regularly got because he was perennially distracted.

It was almost time for Patrick to come home from his late evening classes and then they'd start their foraging for dinner.

After that, well the evening was still young and there was trouble to be had. All of which he looked forward to, after all Patrick had for as long as he remembered, been his favorite partner in crime.. they had grown up together and they had a special bond.

As close as brothers, except not quite-- and honestly? Nicholas was glad for that.

Comments

[dangernerd]

That caused a delighted laugh to go through Nicky, perhaps it was because of such quick-charm-- only part of what endeared Trick to him and yet still precious all the while (also part of it was the fact that Trick was a nice drink of water that he was only allowed to look at); the nerd romance was something that tugged at the both of them and the red string of fate that connected without them precisely knowing.

Nicholas turned away so that he could stuff his notebook into his pack though not without a very furtive look over his shoulder, it was a loaded glance and it happened right as the other man was shrugging into his jacket.

"I cannot imagine a way for .." he reached for his own denim jacket and he shrugged it on, a well worn one that happened to scent of redwood and citrus, spicy scents that were very much Nicky's MO. He then slung his backpack over his shoulder and then did a playful shoulder check. "Let's go then? Time to get into a little bit of trouble.... gods willing."

[giveeverything]

Patrick meanwhile would do his best to swallow back the swarm of butterflies that took flight in him every time that Nicky laughed. He was in so deep over his head for his friend, and he'd spent years now convincing himself that was fine this was fine. It was enough. What they had was more than enough.

So what if Patrick occasionally raided Nicky's hoodies (with the excuse that he needed to do laundry) so he could wear one and feel like he was wrapped in the other man's scent. That was a completely normal platonic thing to do.

He leaned right into the shouldering, looking at his roommate with the sort of adoration that literally everyone around them had clocked ages ago but they were still oblivious to. "I have full faith in your trouble-finding skills. Come on."

[dangernerd]

It was not fair when Patrick looked at him like that.

But Nicholas had seen it so many times that he had come to think of it as a friend-thing; it was the look that Trick specifically gave him; it likely did not mean anything whatsoever. Not even a little bit-- he also tried not to get a little bit horribly jealous whenever a pretty girl or handsome guy talked to Trick, like fair alright-- Trick was extremely amazingly hot and Nicky recognized that. But there was that longing within him, deep and abiding pining that he would probably not do anything about.

"Really, it has not steered us down a path we cannot return yet--" with that being the operative term, they were two that thrived on the thrill of danger which in retrospect probably served other people not so well. "Oh yes, I also packed some supplies for molotov cocktails.. you know, just in case."

Cause a distraction and then escape.

Honestly, Nicky crossed the line between bad boy and nerd every single day. If only he had spatial awareness, he'd be golden.

[giveeverything]

They were such good friends. Just. So friendly and platonic. Bros. They were such bro-ish bros. Because what a bro thing to imagine what your best bro's lips would feel like against your own, to wonder what it would be feel like to fall asleep in his arms. He tried to manage his own jealousy too when he noticed other people clearly flirting with Nicky -- because why wouldn't they? His best friend was handsome and clever and funny. A force of nature.

The bad boy nerd energy was irresistible. God had given Nicky zero proprioception because otherwise he'd have been too powerful.

"Yet," Trick agreed with a shake of his head as they headed out. He full on cackled when Nicky brought up molotov cocktails. "You know for most guys our age, Friday nights involve the non-exploding type of cocktails." Or well, cheap-ass beer. But Patrick wouldn't trade what they had for anything else. "I like your idea of a good time better though."

[dangernerd]

"Well, you are in luck-- I have that covered." Because Nicky thought of everything, you never bring matche with a bit of 'lighter fluid' and in this case it was aged cask bourbon that had somehow managed not to get confiscated in room inspections-- they really lucked out with their assigned Dorm Father this year.

Sometimes he went home to visit on the weekends and his older sister happened to have an extensive collection of liquor. He'd knicked a flask of it here or there.

Jella was petted and then the room was locked and secured before they madw their way down the hall, and with Nicky's bag full of contraband and him without a care in the world as if it merely contained study materials. "Well I would not trade you in for any other partner in crime, not even when you snore."

Said the honk-shoo-mimimi'er.

[giveeverything]

"Excuse me, Mr. not-even-quiet-when-he-sleeps, which one of us is the snorer?"

Both. It was both of them. But this was the usual with them, comfortable banter that followed a choreography they'd perfected years ago, dancing around one another in perfect step. "But back at you. You and me against the world, Nicky." Both the seen and unseen world.

God what would he have even been if it weren't for Nicky's presence in his life? With the wreck of his relationship with his brother and Trick's determination to stop Liam from whatever path he was on, he would've lost his mind and all the brighter parts of himself if it weren't for Nicholas.

[dangernerd]

Nicky had not had a terrible life, his sister was a bully but then again she was one of those people that you just did not cross, all six feet of her, a scant inch taller than Nicky which he thought perhaps was a bit fitting all things told- that she could still fist check him when needed.

But his friendship with Trick had been built on trust and an understanding that when they had met as children, they both knew they would be friends for life, something for life. It was only with the onset of puberty that things had started to change for Nicholas though perhaps he'd always been a little bit crushy of the other guy.

"Together we are unstoppable." Nicholas said as he held up his fist, so that they could bump.

"Also together we could keep the sawmills of dreamland alive and operational."

That was indeed the truth.

[giveeverything]

Trick knocked his fist against Nicky's in the old familiar gesture, ignoring the way his fingers wanted to uncurl and tangle together with the other man's and hold his hand instead of just the quick momentary contact. He took that urge and tamped it down with the other feelings, stuffing them deeper and deeper into the back of his mind.

Instead he laughed. Okay yes, Nicky had a point. They were both log sawyers of the highest caliber. It was fine.

Food was up ahead anyway, and proved a good distraction for Patrick and his thoughts and feelings. It didn't take too long to snag some takeaway and be ready to head out to the real purpose of the evening.

[dangernerd]

Feelings were such inconvenient things with the intensity that they wrapped around the bearer of them. There were always sparks, always that frisson of something more between them, but Nicky played it off-- perhaps because he did not want to draw attention to what he felt, he did not want to draw attention to an adoration that could not be returned.

So Nicky felt, and Nicky pretended that everything was normal and fine.

Once they had their styrofoam boxes in hand, it was out of the sacred halls of Saintsmourn and into waning afternoon light. The scent of fall was touching around them and would cause them to wrap their jackets around them tighter. But Nicky was prepared, had hand warmers in his bag alongside gloves. Everything they could need for an evening spent chasing ghosts.

And then afterwards they would run to the cafe like they usually did, evading curfew and talking excitedly over their experiences over mugs of coffee.

[giveeverything]

Always sparks. Always. They left Patrick wondering at the way every moment with Nicky seemed to lead to his best friend filling his universe with even more constellations. Every star in his sky was hung by Nicholas Kirkland, and Patrick steered his ship by them above any other compass or map. He wondered sometimes if Nicky understood how much light he flooded into Patrick's world, knew how bright he shone. Somehow Trick doubted it. His roommate did not understand how incredible he was, not by half.

Off into the autumn evening, takeout in hand, off to look for hauntings and trouble. It was a perfect moment. Well, almost perfect. Trick allowed himself the briefest imagining of reaching over and slipping his hand into Nicky's, into finding out once and for all how their fingers fit together. God he loved him -- which was why, of course, he had to make sure that Nicky never found out.

Because that was sound and flawless logic from a pining idiot.

He'd been thinking about it a lot lately, too much, and that was why his mind had also been turning over another idea as well. "So my advisor thinks that after I graduate, I should consider the seminary."

W O W what a bomb drop

[dangernerd]

The stars could not shine unless there was the beautiful palate of a night sky to begin with, and to Nicholas the other guy was the warm velvety darkness that wrapped around him, like a blanket. For all of that he held a certain amount of bravado that he exhibited, there was a healthy amount of anxiety within him.

So Trick was his own grounding point, the person who kept him sane and focused.

The statement came like a wrecking ball but Nicky did not respond right away, rather he processed his way through the revealed information. He did not want to react to it in a manner that was not understanding, but he also knew that entering the seminary would take up a lot of Trick's time. And that meant figuring himself out in the process-- it would separate them because he was not the religious sort, never had been.

The only reason why he was here at Saintsmourn was because it was a long family tradition.. much like Trick's family had been.

"Oh, is this something that you want? I mean removing your advisor from the equation." because Nicky wanted to make sure that his best friend had the autonomy that he deserved.

[giveeverything]

That was the question, wasn't it? Patrick didn't particularly want to be a priest. He wasn't exactly devout. Theology and religion were tools that he wielded in an effort to try to stop whatever the hell was going on with his brother. Trick was still half convinced that Liam had lost his mind, that somehow his brother was possessed even if he could pinpoint no entity actually within Liam.

"I..."

'No. I want to make my brother be normal again and then marry you and chase ghosts and monsters and have babies and live happily ever after.' That would be the truth. And that would be what Trick couldn't possibly ever say.

"No, I don't think it is. But what I want... well, what I want isn't exactly realistic. So I don't know. Maybe it'd be useful?" A crooked smile. "Also I'd be, like, really hot as priests go, right? Like for a layperson, I'm a solid six-and-a-half, but for a priest I've got to be at least an eight. Maybe even a nine depending on how well I rock a roman collar."

[dangernerd]

When it came down to it, Nicky did not think that the other guy would be happy in the seminary. His best friend had the same idea of religion as he did though he studied it, he was halfway convinced that Trick was studying it to be able to dissect it, to root it out at it's source. There was also Liam to be considered-- what Nicky did not tell Patrick was that occasionally Liam would come up and ask him how Patrick was doing, in which case the redhead would be cordial but only reveal the bare minimum such as how he was doing with his studies.

Weather conversation, that is if people were the weather.

A laugh then at Trick's own words, it definitely detracted from the seriousness of it all. Better to play into this, the theoretical discussion of Trick's hotness as a priest. "I would be much more generous, bro-- at least a 9 and then a the roman collar would propel it right off the scale. It's the forbidden part of it that is going to get the stares."

Was he wrong? He was not wrong, but also he was not sure that Trick would be happy-- even if a life could not end for him and Trick being together? Well Trick deserved someone who could cherish him, who would make sure his favorite breakfast cereal was stocked in the pantry and other bullshit domestic stuff which totally was not floating through Nicky's head.

[giveeverything]

"You're making me blush, Nicky." Patrick laughed too, because that was safer. Much safer than dwelling on all the feelings that were roiling in him, always roiling in him, directed at Nicholas.

It was the forbidden part that really made it, right? Both in the hypothetical priest scenario and in wanting to kiss his closest friend utterly breathless. Because oh that was entirely forbidden, wasn't it? He could ruin so much between them with one misstep.

And yet, he could never quite manage to talk himself out of those feelings. On the contrary, they continued to grow each day. Maybe it was hopeless. Who could know Nicky and not wind up falling helplessly in love with him? That thought flustered him, and in typical Trick fashion, flustering meant that the floodgates on his mouth opened wide.

"But honestly, like... if I became a priest... it'd be weird, right? And I'd die a virgin? Which seems like a really crappy deal." Confessing, unprompted to being a virgin. Doing well. Nailing it. He should stop talking. Stop talking stop talking stop talking. But somehow Patrick felt like a helpless bystander watching a slow motion trainwreck, and somehow he was also the one driving the train. The words kept coming. "And then I'd feel like such a cliche on top of it. The gay son becoming a priest instead of just coming to terms with his sexuality." And randomly, unprompted, coming out to his best friend. ...coming out period. He hadn't said any of this out loud just yet.

[dangernerd]

Actually Trick was not 'nailing it', in fact within his virgin state he was not really nailing anything.

"Actually you do not have anything to worry about I guess? I am a virgin too-- in case you have not noticed, I am much too busy with coursework to do any of the precursors to the whole sex thing." Nicholas said, as way to make his best friend feel better about his own virgin state. "But I feel you, I do.. I have never considered my sexuality really, except that the world is full of pretty people and.." none of them he really wanted, though aesthetically they were pleasing.

"Well.." he gestures as best as he could while holding a styrofoam box, it happened to be the Friday night fish and well, there was coleslaw in there too and he did not want to get the fish soggy. "But I mean, if you are worried about.." why did it feel like ash in his stomach? "..your virginity, I am sure that there are scores of guys that would like to take it off your hands."

Listen Nicky was reminding Trick that he could get that taken care of BEFORE the seminary.

[giveeverything]

"Never?" What a sad and shattering confirmation to the fact that his attraction was so desperately one-sided. Maybe he really should become a nun. Priest. Whatever. Trick tried not to look quite so defeated as he felt, all the more so at the mention of scores of guys who would take his virginity off his hands. He supposed that was a compliment really, and he appreciated the faith that Nicky had in him.

But the problem was, Patrick didn't want scores of guys. He wanted one, a very particular one who was currently carrying cafeteria fish. It took him a moment, but he summoned up a close approximation of his usual laugh. "Scores is a lot. I probably ought to pace myself. Maybe do some stretching and cardio." Haha because it was funny and not utterly heartbreaking.

"Besides, I kind of want it to be someone special. ...shut up." Just to cut off the inevitable teasing about his clearly being a hopeless (so utterly and completely hopeless) romantic.

[dangernerd]

"Not really, I suppose I have always been far more intent on my studying." studying to forget his very sizeable crush on his best friend, which he was on the same track as Patrick-- it was like they both had honest-to-god blinders on where they could not see what was right in front of them. The idiots in love trope was a real thing, and currently these two guys were the epitome of them.

But you did not just mention the raging hard-on you had for him, right? He was not sure that even constituted appropriateness even if it was requited, just not something you dropped casually into conversation.

Oh, hearing those words made the breath squeeze out of his lungs-- his beautiful Trick who, of course, wanted it to be about love, and he deserved nothing less than that. "I was totally not going to say anything." He held up one hand in demuring. "You deserve that, you know-- you deserve someone special, you deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them."

A clear of his throat. "When you find them.. errh He... him." he was starting to only lightly stumble over his words, "Bring him around so I can give him the 'talk'."

[giveeverything]

"Nerd," Patrick accused softly, out of habit more than any real weight behind the word. Nicky and his studies, of course. Not that Trick was any different. They were both ravenous for knowledge, creatures of books and seeking out the mysteries in the world that hadn't been captured in printed pages just yet. After all, here they were on their Friday night off to go try to find spirits in a haunted house. Nicky deserved someone who could see him for the brilliant force of nature that he was -- and who would be there to (quite literally) catch him when he fell.

Which was often.

But there was Nicky saying sweet things that he couldn't know broke Trick's heart into smaller and smaller pieces as he continued. He didn't know what he deserved, not really, but he did know that the only person he loved that way, the only person he expected he could ever love that way, was standing right beside him telling him to bring some future lover by for a shovel talk. It would have been funny in its irony if it didn't make him feel like a frozen knot of weight had settled in his chest where his heart normally beat.

"You deserve it too, you know. So if anyone ever does catch your attention enough to get your nose out of your books, they'd better treat your heart right or I'll have to deal with them."

[dangernerd]

"That is not for a while yet." If at all.

In the waning sunlight, they walked side by side. Both privy toward secrets that the other dare not reveal, because they thought it was best that way or that it was unrequited. He focused on the task at hand of course, of what they were going to do-- seizing the day, or the evening so to speak. And at his best friend's side.

A gentle shoulder check.

"You likely will not be getting rid of me that easily, no matter where you end up I will be there. Do you think a seminary or a significant other is going to keep me away so easily? There will be a bunch of priests trying to toss me out, but I am slippery and they'll find that they won't be able to catch me."

Because he'd trip over everything in his wake and thereby put all sorts of things in the path of his pursuers.

[giveeverything]

Trick would never begrudge Nicky dating someone, loving someone, marrying someone. He wanted Nicky, desperately, but more than that he wanted him to be happy. Even if it wouldn't be Trick making him happy, whoever it was, as long as they treated Nicholas right, then Patrick would be content.

Or he'd tell himself he was anyway, pretend his heart wasn't aching.

But that time apparently could wait. The shoulder knocking against his own drew him out of that rather gloomy mental spiral. He looked over at Nicky as the other man kept talking. And now his heart was aching because it felt entirely too full.

He stopped walking and moved -- precariously given the takeout container in one hand --to wrap his arms around Nicky from behind. "Like I'd ever want to get rid of you. You're stuck with me too, got it?"

[dangernerd]

Oh no, this gave Nicky so many indescribable feels, especially when he felt the arms wrap around his waist. The two of them were dumb, but would never call the other out on being dumb, likely just being super smart about everything in particular. If he focused carefully, he could feel the beating heartbeat at his back-- while the container seemed to dig precariously into his stomach.

And he would not have traded this moment for anything. "So it is a mutually established thing then, god damn it Trick." Oops, he took the Lord's name in vain, someone call the Nun Brigade. "We've had this discussion before, we know that we are probably going to die sneaking out of the old people's home while we attempt to hunt ghosts."

It had been agreed upon.

[giveeverything]

Patrick didn't want to let go just yet, didn't want to give up the proximity in the moment. Even if it meant balancing his dinner and jabbing Nicky with it, he was in no hurry to let him go. This close he could feel the way the other man's chest rose and fell with each breath, could smell the warm spiced scent of his cologne.

Like always seemed to happen over and over again, Trick found himself once more falling a little more in love with Nicholas. No help for it. He'd figured that out by now.

His shoulders shook in a laugh at the image, both of them in their walkers in a Scooby-Doo-esque ghost chasing montage. "We can dream. But nah, someone will come along and steal your heart away from me." ...ignore that from me that slipped in at the end there it didn't mean anything.

"Anyway, right yeah. Come on, ghosts aren't gonna hunt themselves."

[dangernerd]

'No, the will not.' Nicky thought to that statement, invariably his heart belonged to Trick even as he inhaled the warm bourbon vanilla of his best friend, a scent that awakened longing within himself that could not be contained. Oh he enjoyed moments like this where Trick was close, and it made him throb like right now.

Wanted to be wrapped up by Trick forever, and those thoughts were dangerous and they were filthy and he was halfway ashamed of them, even as he knew that they were also wrapped up in love.

Another shoulder nudge and they were off and down one of the dirt lanes shrouded in mist, a place that was very much off the beaten path-- thankfully they never left the dorm without their flashlights and compass.

[giveeverything]

They were both torturing themselves with mirrored thoughts, opposite sides of the exact same coin. But there was no way either one of them would know it until one of them just came out with it.

Or until the people around them got fed up and locked them in a closet together.

Or until Nicky got possessed by an incubus and the choice came down to fucking or dying. Definitely one of those things.

Either way, he fell into step with his best friend down the appropriately spooky road. "So. What do we know about this location? Poltergeist? Imprint? Actual spirit?" Something less ghostly and more sinister? Either way, Patrick was here for it.

[dangernerd]

The jury was definitely out when it came to which one of those it would be. The thing that remained constant was that they were perpetual idiots when it came down to it, and that nothing short of smushing each others dumb skulls together would likely work.

Ah, now here is where Nicky would get excited as this was one of his special interests; it was both of theirs really but he had a large collection of paranormal books and he hoped one day to be a journalist who traveled around investigating paranormal activity.

"So I've heard a few people who have sneaked into the place, there happens to be a boarded up window in the kitchen that one can pull off and then crawl through, there is reports of ghostly footprints as well as flying debris so when we go in there it's probably best if we keep together sorta back to back."

Words stating that he was pretty sure it was a poltergeist?