: Saintsmourn - Nicholas & Patrick :

[dangernerd]

Nicholas Kirkland (Nicky to those who he considered friends) was at this moment finishing up the last of his reading for his college classes. In the little dorm-room that himself and Patrick shared, it was a muddle of books and random objects that they'd collected. Not only that but also bits and bobs of their friendship tied into neat little nostalgic notes.

The last rays of the sun was streaming in through the window and he was poised, feet crossed on desk and balancing barely on the back two legs-- precarious yes, and honestly he knew that he should not really be doing this. Coordination be damned, he'd never worried about it before despite the bumps and bruises he regularly got because he was perennially distracted.

It was almost time for Patrick to come home from his late evening classes and then they'd start their foraging for dinner.

After that, well the evening was still young and there was trouble to be had. All of which he looked forward to, after all Patrick had for as long as he remembered, been his favorite partner in crime.. they had grown up together and they had a special bond.

As close as brothers, except not quite-- and honestly? Nicholas was glad for that.

Comments

[giveeverything]

"You're making me blush, Nicky." Patrick laughed too, because that was safer. Much safer than dwelling on all the feelings that were roiling in him, always roiling in him, directed at Nicholas.

It was the forbidden part that really made it, right? Both in the hypothetical priest scenario and in wanting to kiss his closest friend utterly breathless. Because oh that was entirely forbidden, wasn't it? He could ruin so much between them with one misstep.

And yet, he could never quite manage to talk himself out of those feelings. On the contrary, they continued to grow each day. Maybe it was hopeless. Who could know Nicky and not wind up falling helplessly in love with him? That thought flustered him, and in typical Trick fashion, flustering meant that the floodgates on his mouth opened wide.

"But honestly, like... if I became a priest... it'd be weird, right? And I'd die a virgin? Which seems like a really crappy deal." Confessing, unprompted to being a virgin. Doing well. Nailing it. He should stop talking. Stop talking stop talking stop talking. But somehow Patrick felt like a helpless bystander watching a slow motion trainwreck, and somehow he was also the one driving the train. The words kept coming. "And then I'd feel like such a cliche on top of it. The gay son becoming a priest instead of just coming to terms with his sexuality." And randomly, unprompted, coming out to his best friend. ...coming out period. He hadn't said any of this out loud just yet.

[dangernerd]

Actually Trick was not 'nailing it', in fact within his virgin state he was not really nailing anything.

"Actually you do not have anything to worry about I guess? I am a virgin too-- in case you have not noticed, I am much too busy with coursework to do any of the precursors to the whole sex thing." Nicholas said, as way to make his best friend feel better about his own virgin state. "But I feel you, I do.. I have never considered my sexuality really, except that the world is full of pretty people and.." none of them he really wanted, though aesthetically they were pleasing.

"Well.." he gestures as best as he could while holding a styrofoam box, it happened to be the Friday night fish and well, there was coleslaw in there too and he did not want to get the fish soggy. "But I mean, if you are worried about.." why did it feel like ash in his stomach? "..your virginity, I am sure that there are scores of guys that would like to take it off your hands."

Listen Nicky was reminding Trick that he could get that taken care of BEFORE the seminary.

[giveeverything]

"Never?" What a sad and shattering confirmation to the fact that his attraction was so desperately one-sided. Maybe he really should become a nun. Priest. Whatever. Trick tried not to look quite so defeated as he felt, all the more so at the mention of scores of guys who would take his virginity off his hands. He supposed that was a compliment really, and he appreciated the faith that Nicky had in him.

But the problem was, Patrick didn't want scores of guys. He wanted one, a very particular one who was currently carrying cafeteria fish. It took him a moment, but he summoned up a close approximation of his usual laugh. "Scores is a lot. I probably ought to pace myself. Maybe do some stretching and cardio." Haha because it was funny and not utterly heartbreaking.

"Besides, I kind of want it to be someone special. ...shut up." Just to cut off the inevitable teasing about his clearly being a hopeless (so utterly and completely hopeless) romantic.

[dangernerd]

"Not really, I suppose I have always been far more intent on my studying." studying to forget his very sizeable crush on his best friend, which he was on the same track as Patrick-- it was like they both had honest-to-god blinders on where they could not see what was right in front of them. The idiots in love trope was a real thing, and currently these two guys were the epitome of them.

But you did not just mention the raging hard-on you had for him, right? He was not sure that even constituted appropriateness even if it was requited, just not something you dropped casually into conversation.

Oh, hearing those words made the breath squeeze out of his lungs-- his beautiful Trick who, of course, wanted it to be about love, and he deserved nothing less than that. "I was totally not going to say anything." He held up one hand in demuring. "You deserve that, you know-- you deserve someone special, you deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them."

A clear of his throat. "When you find them.. errh He... him." he was starting to only lightly stumble over his words, "Bring him around so I can give him the 'talk'."

[giveeverything]

"Nerd," Patrick accused softly, out of habit more than any real weight behind the word. Nicky and his studies, of course. Not that Trick was any different. They were both ravenous for knowledge, creatures of books and seeking out the mysteries in the world that hadn't been captured in printed pages just yet. After all, here they were on their Friday night off to go try to find spirits in a haunted house. Nicky deserved someone who could see him for the brilliant force of nature that he was -- and who would be there to (quite literally) catch him when he fell.

Which was often.

But there was Nicky saying sweet things that he couldn't know broke Trick's heart into smaller and smaller pieces as he continued. He didn't know what he deserved, not really, but he did know that the only person he loved that way, the only person he expected he could ever love that way, was standing right beside him telling him to bring some future lover by for a shovel talk. It would have been funny in its irony if it didn't make him feel like a frozen knot of weight had settled in his chest where his heart normally beat.

"You deserve it too, you know. So if anyone ever does catch your attention enough to get your nose out of your books, they'd better treat your heart right or I'll have to deal with them."

[dangernerd]

"That is not for a while yet." If at all.

In the waning sunlight, they walked side by side. Both privy toward secrets that the other dare not reveal, because they thought it was best that way or that it was unrequited. He focused on the task at hand of course, of what they were going to do-- seizing the day, or the evening so to speak. And at his best friend's side.

A gentle shoulder check.

"You likely will not be getting rid of me that easily, no matter where you end up I will be there. Do you think a seminary or a significant other is going to keep me away so easily? There will be a bunch of priests trying to toss me out, but I am slippery and they'll find that they won't be able to catch me."

Because he'd trip over everything in his wake and thereby put all sorts of things in the path of his pursuers.

[giveeverything]

Trick would never begrudge Nicky dating someone, loving someone, marrying someone. He wanted Nicky, desperately, but more than that he wanted him to be happy. Even if it wouldn't be Trick making him happy, whoever it was, as long as they treated Nicholas right, then Patrick would be content.

Or he'd tell himself he was anyway, pretend his heart wasn't aching.

But that time apparently could wait. The shoulder knocking against his own drew him out of that rather gloomy mental spiral. He looked over at Nicky as the other man kept talking. And now his heart was aching because it felt entirely too full.

He stopped walking and moved -- precariously given the takeout container in one hand --to wrap his arms around Nicky from behind. "Like I'd ever want to get rid of you. You're stuck with me too, got it?"

[dangernerd]

Oh no, this gave Nicky so many indescribable feels, especially when he felt the arms wrap around his waist. The two of them were dumb, but would never call the other out on being dumb, likely just being super smart about everything in particular. If he focused carefully, he could feel the beating heartbeat at his back-- while the container seemed to dig precariously into his stomach.

And he would not have traded this moment for anything. "So it is a mutually established thing then, god damn it Trick." Oops, he took the Lord's name in vain, someone call the Nun Brigade. "We've had this discussion before, we know that we are probably going to die sneaking out of the old people's home while we attempt to hunt ghosts."

It had been agreed upon.

[giveeverything]

Patrick didn't want to let go just yet, didn't want to give up the proximity in the moment. Even if it meant balancing his dinner and jabbing Nicky with it, he was in no hurry to let him go. This close he could feel the way the other man's chest rose and fell with each breath, could smell the warm spiced scent of his cologne.

Like always seemed to happen over and over again, Trick found himself once more falling a little more in love with Nicholas. No help for it. He'd figured that out by now.

His shoulders shook in a laugh at the image, both of them in their walkers in a Scooby-Doo-esque ghost chasing montage. "We can dream. But nah, someone will come along and steal your heart away from me." ...ignore that from me that slipped in at the end there it didn't mean anything.

"Anyway, right yeah. Come on, ghosts aren't gonna hunt themselves."

[dangernerd]

'No, the will not.' Nicky thought to that statement, invariably his heart belonged to Trick even as he inhaled the warm bourbon vanilla of his best friend, a scent that awakened longing within himself that could not be contained. Oh he enjoyed moments like this where Trick was close, and it made him throb like right now.

Wanted to be wrapped up by Trick forever, and those thoughts were dangerous and they were filthy and he was halfway ashamed of them, even as he knew that they were also wrapped up in love.

Another shoulder nudge and they were off and down one of the dirt lanes shrouded in mist, a place that was very much off the beaten path-- thankfully they never left the dorm without their flashlights and compass.

[giveeverything]

They were both torturing themselves with mirrored thoughts, opposite sides of the exact same coin. But there was no way either one of them would know it until one of them just came out with it.

Or until the people around them got fed up and locked them in a closet together.

Or until Nicky got possessed by an incubus and the choice came down to fucking or dying. Definitely one of those things.

Either way, he fell into step with his best friend down the appropriately spooky road. "So. What do we know about this location? Poltergeist? Imprint? Actual spirit?" Something less ghostly and more sinister? Either way, Patrick was here for it.

[dangernerd]

The jury was definitely out when it came to which one of those it would be. The thing that remained constant was that they were perpetual idiots when it came down to it, and that nothing short of smushing each others dumb skulls together would likely work.

Ah, now here is where Nicky would get excited as this was one of his special interests; it was both of theirs really but he had a large collection of paranormal books and he hoped one day to be a journalist who traveled around investigating paranormal activity.

"So I've heard a few people who have sneaked into the place, there happens to be a boarded up window in the kitchen that one can pull off and then crawl through, there is reports of ghostly footprints as well as flying debris so when we go in there it's probably best if we keep together sorta back to back."

Words stating that he was pretty sure it was a poltergeist?

[giveeverything]

"Great, we watch each other's asses and see what wants to come out and play. Sounds fun. Watch your head, yeah? These things like to throw the most random shit. Remember the Thompson place?" Trick was pretty sure he'd actually wound up with a concussion. Not that he'd gone to the doctor about it, just stumbled around leaning more heavily on Nicky than he meant to.

A breath and he very deliberately shook free the walls he kept around himself and the strange sense he had for things magical and supernatural. If there was something, he may as well try to be ready to feel it.

Trick was near vibrating with excitement as well, only buoyed by Nicky's.

[dangernerd]

As if Nicholas would ever balk at watching Trick's rear, figurative or literal.

Trick did not see the way that Nicky's eyes slid especially when Trick was on the phone with someone, and walking back and forth as he was wont to do when he was talking, all that restless energy. Arguably, it was not just the form but the features as well-- the play on the light within those eyes, the fingertips that inspired such thoughts within him.

"Yeah, I remember-- I got knocked backward a few feet; that poltergeist had a taste to play dodgeball with two nerdy catholic boys." Nicholas said as he placed his backback on the half brick wall and then he got his booted foot into one of the loose brick wedges sticking out and started to climb his way over. "I should get the EVP Recorder ready before we go inside, especially if it may get spicy."

[giveeverything]

It was remarkable that they both did so much looking at the other and never saw the same in their direction. It defied logic, but love and logic were not close bedfellows. He snickered at the mention of dodgeball. Yeah that summed it up. They'd definitely lost. Of course their opponent had not had a corporeal form so really, it was not a fair matchup.

Trick watched Nicky make impressively short work of the wall, though he stayed close by and on the ground in case the other man slipped. Once Nicky was up and over, Patrick would follow suit, scrambling up the wall after his roommate.

Patrick was decently athletic, a member of the track and field team back in high school. Even now, he started most mornings with a run before class because it helped clear his head.

[dangernerd]

And meanwhile Nicky was built like a nerd, lithe with the slender frame of one who carried an inordinate number of books in his backpack at any given time. However he had always gone to Trick's meets in High School, never missing a beat-- always there to yell the loudest.

If only his frame could be considered graceful. Oh no, it was a wonder he survived this wall but somehow he managed not to trip over his shoes, any random overgrown plants or anything that could potentially trip him up to break his neck.

It was not a light land though, there was a decided thump as all of his weight seemed to be on the dismount. He did then turn to his pack and opened the styrofoam box and then shoveled fried cod into his mouth, chewing hurriedly as he knew that it was very unlikely that they would stop to eat in the house. So may as well get sustenance here. "Unfortunately the house is old enough that I could not find any floorplans on Zillow; it's been abandoned for 20 years approximately, and evidentally Zillow wasn't a thing back then?"

[giveeverything]

Honestly, Patrick was impressed that Nicky stuck the landing too, even if it was not the most graceful. For Nicky it was extremely well done. Bless his favorite klutz. Trick would always be there to catch him when he needed it.

Trying his best not to think of the heights. It wasn't a very high wall, thankfully, but it still set that inexplicable terror in him stirring. He shoved it back deep down where it belonged, and hopped down to join Nicky. Maybe a bit too quickly, because he landed in an unfortunate position that then led to him falling flat on his face.

Right in front of the man he was embarrassingly in love with. It was fine. This was fine. The only thing truly injured was his pride.

[dangernerd]

"Trick!" Nicky exclaimed as he dropped his flashlight in a rather colossal hurry, it hurtled downward toward Patrick's ass, and he reached over so that he could theoretically catch it before it hit his best friend. Unfortunately that was not the best route to go because in the panic, he tripped over Trick and landed right on top of him so that they were a tumble of college boys.

There should be a quantifier for this.

Ah yes, a Disaster of Nerds.

That seemed like an apt descriptor.

"Fucking hell" he mumbled against Trick's neck; he was sure though that he had not broken anything., but he did knock his knee against a tree root that dived out of the ground and back within in a little mound. That had smarted a little bit.

[giveeverything]

A flashlight to the ass and then a best friend right on top of him. This was not Patrick's finest moment. It also wasn't Nicky's. But they were at least together in their utter failure. Though now Trick had to contend with the fact that the boy he was pathetically in love-and-lust with was draped all over him, face against his neck. Patrick shivered and swallowed back an embarrassingly ticklish little sound.

Fuck his entire life right now. Fate was testing him is what it was doing.

"Took the words right out of my mouth," Patrick muttered, voice muffled by the fact that his face was half smushed into the ground. He had hoped to be smooth, maybe even a little cool, while Nicky was watching. Nope. Not to be. Instead complete and utter failure. Fuck everything he wasn't going into the seminary, he was going into witness protection, starting a new life.

[dangernerd]

"Fuck me..." he said as he managed to get himself into a position where he was rolling off of Trick, not without a ass full of groin rolling right over him, and then he fell backward except it was against the root that had started this whole mess to begin with and then he reached up to rake his fingers through his hair.

"Once I get up, I'll help you up." he said as he reached for the flashlight and tucked it down his shirt for the time being, he'd jimmy it later. "If your food box had toppled, I would've shared mine with you." but it was sitting on the brick wall, thank goodness.

"Sorry for smashing you into the ground like a pancake, Trick."

[giveeverything]

'Gladly.' The thought flickered through his mind but didn't quite make it to being voiced, thankfully. He might have had the wind knocked out of him, but his brain at least seemed to be firmly in place. Look, he'd had more than one dream about being under Nicky. Or on top of Nicky. Or several other configurations of varying degrees of creativity.

So he took a moment before flopping onto his back as well. "You're proof chivalry isn't dead," Trick informed him at the offer of a hand up and the hypothetical offer of food. He stared up at the sky with a sigh. "This totally tanked any cool points I had left, didn't it?"

He reached over blindly to pat at Nicky's shoulder. "All good. I'm glad I could cushion your fall."

[dangernerd]

"Pssssh." Nicky said as he grasped for Trick's hand and and gave it a pat, his blue eyes sparkling. "I am the last person who should be schooling anyone about cool points-- Tish has been calling me a loser nerd for the last 20 something years of my life." a snort, a shared smile before he found his way finally to a standing position and then he offered a hand up.

"Also, you are the coolest person I know so perish that thought right there. In fact you are not allowed to think that of my best friend, and I will noodle arm at you if you do say to the contrary."

That was absolutely a threat.

[giveeverything]

"Well, she's half right. You're a huge nerd." Trick said with plain affection. "But that's one of the things I like best about you." Nerdy Nicky, especially when he was in his element, excitedly explaining some supernatural nuance or another, was sexy as all hell.

He took the offered hand up, standing, suddenly quite close to the other man, right up in his personal space. His breath caught and he fought a blush as he took a necessary step back. "Oh god no, not the noodles. Have mercy."

Another laugh and he snagged his takeout container from where it had been thankfully left atop the wall.

[dangernerd]

"Oh, she's full right-- I just choose to argue with her most of the time." he jibbed his sibling but it was nowhere near the levels of animosity that hung in the air between Liam and Trick, to which point Nicholas stayed well out of. It was not something he usually wanted to broach when it came right down to it, that was between them.

Then suddenly he was close, so very close to Trick-- so close that he could nearly taste that breath.

It was intoxicating and it took every single drop of willpower not to do anything ill-advised, which of course allowed Trick to take that step backward. Ah yes that was good.. even as he ached for the proximity. He had it down so bad for Trick, and the other guy did not even know-- he hoped that it stayed that way.

Now that he knew that Trick liked guys (he'd suspected) he knew that he was not really a guy, he was the best friend. "Shove some food in your mouthhole, jerkweed." Nicky said with a teasing lilt to his voice, to bring it to their usual banter.

[giveeverything]

Trick and Liam's relationship was, well, complicated. Right until Liam had turned eighteen, they'd been extremely close. Trick had looked up to him, and honestly Liam had been the perfect big brother. The something had changed, and Patrick still didn't understand what had caused it. There had to be some reason for it, but Liam wasn't forthcoming.

But he wasn't thinking about Liam right now. No, Trick was thinking about Nicky and how attractive he was when he was calling him names. Nicky was not really a guy, it was true. Nicky was the guy, which was something that Patrick could never let him know.

He laughed and rolled his eyes as the usual pattern of teasing and banter picked up. "Bite me, harlot."

He did open up his dinner though, fueling up before they dove into their investigation.