: Regency AU :

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek Thelyss was used to being primped and petted.

He was a Lord and the Heir, but not an ideal one, after all Dynasty protocol favored women over men and always had. He had no real power and he would never have minded too terribly much if not for the fact that he was ultimately treated like a pawn by the Duchess Thelyss-- and with Essek desiring his studies more than society, he knew how to play the game albeit that he did not enjoy it and wished for the moments where he was left to his own devices.

There was a betrothal being brooked between himself and Lord Tasithar, handled by his mother.

It was not one that he particularly desired, but he had little say in the matter-- he merely had to be seen allowing the Lord to woo him, whereas the idea of it appeared distasteful to him. But as he stood there underneath the glimmering lights of the ballroom, holding his mask to his face, he found that there was a strange hollowness to this evening.

All of these people, they all meant very little to him.

Not that he did not have his share of dance partners, he would dance with them. But this was not something that he was well versed in, he did not enjoy the frivolous empty flirtations that was expected of him; cool politeness was the only thing that he could give and even that was as sparse as snow in the marquesian desert. And so he stood there in the corner, waiting for those to sign his dance card and ultimately realizing that he was nothing more than chattel for them.

He raised a glass of wine to his lips, and then ducked behind a potted plant once he saw Adeen approach. ]

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[zauberdecke]

[ Essek gasped breathlessly at the thought of it; at exactly what Caleb spoke of-- of a warm kitchen, a smaller house-- perhaps one that could fit into his bedroom at his Den Manor, and Caleb there dancing with him like so-- except it was slower and far more intimate. The scent of hearth filled the house, of parchment and ink, and perhaps even a little bit of cat fur here and there.

And him far happier then he had any right to be.

He found that strangely he wanted that, but he did not know how to ask for that-- not when he already knew the expectations that were laid out for him. ] It is a lovely thought, I can see it clearly in my mind-- and not only cats and books, but the finest tea splurged on, and a garden? There would have to be a garden, but not one that is meant to be seen; one meant to wander within.. to tend.

[ A garden that was not the cultivated wellspring that was his mothers.

It was hubris that he allow himself to help Caleb weave this dream. ]

[ausgebrannt]

Ja. A quiet garden where we can read in the shade among the trees and flowers. A bed only just big enough for two, because in my wildest dreams I always seem to have you in my arms. Even in sleep.

[A wistful smile, and his hand tightened around Essek's briefly, the closest to an embrace that he could come to with so many eyes watching them.]

I know it is destined to be only a dream... but I wanted you to know, that even if it is only a dream, even if all there is to be between us are a single line on a dance card and mornings with books and tea, that you have my heart, Essek Thelyss. No matter what may come, it is yours, and will remain yours. Though it is the only thing I have to offer.

[zauberdecke]

[ This was how Essek fell downward into a spiral of love, consumed in the whisper of flames and gravity-- how his throat constricted even as his heart beat painfully fast; he was very warm and that was nearly a feat within itself. But he could not cast his eyes away from the other man.

What Caleb spoke of was scandalous and yet, he danced into those words like a whirlwind of butterfly wings as they beat and flapped, surging emotion through his veins.

And suddenly he felt just as much with this surge of elation, something more. The words were sadly melancholic coming from Caleb Widogast. He could feel his words form on his tongue, slow and heavy; not as crisp as normally they came. ] The time that I have spent with you in the mornings have been the most beautiful mornings of my life, you've given this pretty bird a taste of freedom.

[ And he did not know how after this reveal, how he could go back to other men dancing attendance on him when all he wanted was right here in those soul-searching ocean blue eyes. ] I should rebuke you for that but I would not trade this association for anything.. would you be my dearest friend? You could have my heart that way, it would be only yours-- kept safely in the safety of our sanctuary. [ It was perhaps what he could offer, more mornings spent at the bookstore-- he wanted more, he wanted so much more but he knew that they could have mornings with tea and books, of standing in front of a shared tome as they read through it together.

The soft breath of Caleb's cologne as it teased at his senses. ]

[ausgebrannt]

You should rebuke me, my Lord. I have no right to the things I am saying. To the things that I desire. And you deserve so much more than I can give.

[At least while Ikithon still lived. To step back into his true name, his true title, it would put everyone around him in danger. He would not risk that, not for his friends, and not for Essek. Gods he couldn't live with himself if he lost him that way, if he lost any of them that way.

He'd broken before. That would shatter him.

His chest ached at that soft tone, the melancholy of it.]

I would be anything and everything you wished of me. All that I am allowed to be.

[A smile, soft and sad but genuine.] I would take a world with you in it even in stolen moments, gladly.

[zauberdecke]

[ The thing that Essek felt that he needed after this dance was air, he needed air else his head felt like it was going to float up from his neck and away from him. It wasn't precisely a feeling that leant itself to the wisest decisions. But it was clear that they were set upon doing some fairly ridiculous things because of the fact that they were like fire and gravity. ]

After this dance, would you please accompany out for a bit of fresh air, Herr Widogast? I am feeling a bit lightheaded.

[ His voice solemn but it was the subtle plum flush of his cheek and the way that his gaze all but caressed the other man-- the fact that it was clear that they may make a very bad decision because of the longing, and gods he felt it like lightning coursing through him, with each crackle rippling at every single point of contact bext them. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Caleb felt light headed too, as if he'd ceased making contact with the earth and was walking on air. That was not his trick, however. It was Essek's, and yet another thing about the other man that was so entirely charming. He was smitten, and it was beyond all hope or help now.]

Of course, Lord Thelyss. I believe I could use the air as well.

[He did not miss that little bit of Zemnian, and it drew a smile over his lips. How was he supposed to resist him?]

[zauberdecke]

[ There was no help for it, no resisting each other. Essek softly allowed himself to be drawn up into the circle of Caleb's arms, dancing and actually enjoying the company. It was not a chore whatsoever and he slowly swayed into the rhythem.

His eyes were only for Caleb.

They talked about inconsequential things, and yet Essek still felt himself being flirted with those blue eyes, his heart a whirlwind and wanting to gravitate ever further. They could not be and yet in the heat of the dance, it was impossible to to think that this was doomed never to be. Because the possibility that welled between them was bigger than the both of them. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Eventually the song ended, and the dancefloor would clear for a brief interlude. Caleb glanced own at Essek and oh so reluctantly released him from the posture of the dance, offering his arm.]

The balcony, Lord Thelyss?

[One of the quieter little alcoves that would hopefully capture them another moment of privacy where it was only the two of them. A few more precious stolen moments. There would never be enough. A lifetime would not be enough, and gods Caleb knew that was not what they were fated to have.

To hells with fate though. He'd never liked it anyway.]

[zauberdecke]

[ There was a precious fifteen minutes while the musicians took a breather, usually it was allowed so that the dancers could gather refreshments. In a way it was another way for couples to make small talk-- he took Caleb's arm and then nodded in a manner that was rather imperious. It was a front of course, it was a front because he needed to let the other people know that he was deigning to give this man his time.

When really he ached to give it.

Very quietly and quickly they slipped away from the bustle of the ballroom floor and through the crowds with as much ease as could be expected. There was a little set of glass double doors that would lead out into the balcony where the air was cool especially after such a swirling dance. ]

I have never been much fond of people.

[ Essek spoke with an almost lilting laugh; the moonlight cast it's spell over the area and in the distance one could see the Capital City with lights aglow-- it was actually a rather beautiful tableaux. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Caleb would play his part as well, the picture of propriety, of a man who knew he was being humored and graced with the presence of someone so out of his league that this may as well been a moment of charity on Essek Thelyss's part. But he also did not linger, moving to find some small moment of escape.

The cool air was indeed welcome, and for a moment he allowed himself to take a breath, to shut his eyes and gather his thought. When he opened them he turned to see Essek shining like a gem in the moonlight, a perfect dream with that laughter dancing sweeter than any music could have hoped to compare to.]

Neither have I. My anxiety gets the better of me, more often than not.

[More so since what had happened to his family. But that was complicated and a story not one he could currently tell.]

[zauberdecke]

You too? I tend to hide it rather well, but it is always there underneath the surface-- I am not fond of being touched, nor do I enjoy small talk as I communicated to you earlier. I suppose you could say that due to my position, I've learned how to 'fabricate' many things including enjoyment of the season.

[ Essek did not move away from the touch of Caleb Widogast, as if that was the exception to the rule. He tilted his head to the side and then moved over to the railing where they could have a clear view of the moonlight, while they enjoyed the breath of air. Beyond the doors, the music lightly lilted through to reach them delicately. ]

You seem very confident from what I've noticed from you.

[ausgebrannt]

Books are far easier than people. They always have been.

[Caleb though was not touch shy at least. Touch starved, if anything, though Jester and Veth did try to make up for that as best they could, as if those two recognized the broken pieces of him more than he thought he let on.

He wandered after Essek, leaning against the railing beside where Essek stood. A quiet chuckle and he nodded.]

I have noticed that too. It is strange. But you are a talented wizard, so I assume it is that I am caught under your spell. It is a spell I have no desire to break.

[zauberdecke]

[ There was a thread of longing that went through Essek at those words; and Caleb-- oh how did this man manage to say the most beautiful things that made him want more? He had everything his social status could grant him, he had wealth and a title, he had prospects but...

He did not have the one thing that perhaps his heart wanted, and wasn't that a shame?

He thought for a moment, playing with his glove lightly, twisting the fingers lightly as he thought about what to say in response to that. ] I do not think that it is a spell per se, just that ah.. perhaps there is something within us that attracts?

[ With just enough of a similarity to make it compelling. ] The laws of gravity and all..

[ausgebrannt]

[Caleb knew longing, felt it too, a deep yearning in him that wanted to know what Essek felt like in his arms beyond simply on the dancefloor. He wanted to know the taste of those lips, to bury his face in the juncture of shoulder and neck and taste that silken skin, breathe in the soft perfume he'd come to associate with the drow.

He watched Essek, though he couldn't tear his eyes away from the other man if he wanted to. The lights of the city had nothing in comparison to the way that Essek shone.]

Gravity? Ja... it feels like that. Like all of me wants to fall right into you.

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek turned so that he could look upon Caleb, and then his presence cheated ever closer, resting his glove hand upon that forearm lightly, unknowing of the scars that lay just underneath. But regardless his touch was soft and it was gentle. ]

I would not mind it if you did.

[ he should not be encouraging this, he had a duty to fulfill, there would be displeasure from his mother, and yet all he wanted was what he wanted-- he wanted to know the taste of those lips, the warmth of that body pressed close to his own.. and he felt shy for it. ]

It is not something that I should express, but ah.. I have grown very fond of you over the past two weeks. [ And Essek knew that he should not admit this, that it was hubris to do so, but there was a part of him that was vulnerable and needed something more than the superficial glittering that surrounded the Ton. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Generally Caleb would have balked at the touch to his forearms, for the reason of those hidden scars, but Essek's touch felt welcome, like a balm to old wounds. Was this what love felt like when it took root and began to bloom? He remembered the way his father would look at his mother, how it softened something in the otherwise stoic man, how his mother would glow under that gaze.

Was this what it was like?

He found himself shifting closer unconsciously. Gravity indeed.]

You are not the only one. I have grown fond of you. More than I have any right to. I find myself thinking of you in those hours I am not in your presence, wishing for the morning to come sooner.

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek should've been mindful of where they were, that there was no true privacy in the Ton but he his gaze was caught by Caleb's, nearly sinking into that gaze and glowing in a way that both Caleb's own ardent gaze and the subtle affection that washed over him. Very gently he kept his hand there on the forearm. ]

I feel the same way, I have always wished for the morning for it meant peace and quietude with the things that I love the most.. but now, there is something new to look forward to.

[ This felt like a love confession, perhaps it was in not so many words. They could never be-- hadn't they admitted that to themselves in private? And yet here they were and ignoring those words they spoke on the dance floor. And here was Essek being impossibly romanced by Caleb underneath the starlight. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Caleb shifted that arm beneath Essek's touch turning it over so that he could brush his own gloved fingers along the drow's forearm -- a touch he should know better than. That he did know better than, but he couldn't help it. There were forces at work here that he had no chance of standing against, no power to overcome. And no desire to.]

I have... there were many years that I was lost. I have come far from that, but I have not felt truly found until I met you.

[He'd found his heart in Essek's hands and decided that was where it belonged.]

[zauberdecke]

[ Cheating into him, Essek raised his hand from Caleb's forearm but only so that he could press his gloved fingers against a jawline, he could not precisely feel the skin but he knew the skin was warm, and the perfectly groomed bristles of beard were slightly raised. If Caleb were to look to the side, he'd see the smallest sliver of skin between cuff and hand, where Essek had been playing with his glove nervously. ]

What do we do about this.. Mister Widogast?

[ He honestly did not know what to do with these feelings that engulfed him; he wanted to be nearer and nearer, he wanted to orbit this sun and it felt like he would ache the moment that they parted. ]

We meet at the bookstore, I will want to embrace you in the shelves-- I do not think that I could very well resist you, and I am not sure if I want to.

[ausgebrannt]

I do not know, Lord Thelyss. I know what the appropriate answer is. I know what I want to do. And those two things are not the same.

[Because propriety would have him stepping back and away with a polite bow and exiting Essek's life so as not to do anything to ruin the beautiful, titled drow's courtships. He's selfish though, and can't bring himself to let him go so swiftly.

Instead as his gaze flicks to the side, he catches that brief peek of skin peeking at him from that delicate wrist.]

I have only barely resisted so far. And now knowing that you feel the same, I do not think my willpower is strong enough to resist...

[Hells, his willpower was not strong enough to stop him in that moment, as he turned his head, a far too bold action of brushing his lips along that sliver of bare wrist.]

[zauberdecke]

[ The brush of lips against his wrist, how warm it felt; a spark of something that caused him to involuntarily shiver, this was not a moment that was filled with propriety; but rather something forbidden. A thrill ran through him as the kiss lingered against perfumed wrist, sweetly smelling of night-blooming jasmine.

He watched; the gesture was not someone that anyone dared when they accompanied him; Adeen had tried but Essek would've never given the other man ready access to his hand to begin with.

The gold flecks within his eyes seemed to illuminate and his breathing hitched, and then he leaned upward, his hand curving until it cupped Caleb's jaw and then he leaned upward and brushed their lips almost softly together, the barest lingering hit of a kiss before he pulled away an inch. ]

It is too late for me, Mister Widogast.

[ausgebrannt]

[He could lose himself in that perfume, his drug of choice from this moment until the day he drew his last breath. The addiction was immediate. He'd never be the same, and he didn't want to. For all that he knew this would hurt, that this would only end in pain, he'd fling himself into this freefall over and over.

Then Essek was leaning in and he felt the universe itself hold its breath in that eternity of a moment before their lips met. This. He wanted this. This man, this moment, everything that they could be if only everything about it weren't impossible.]

My Lord...

[Aosft, half a prayer.]

Then we are both lost.

[He chased those lips to steal another kiss, just as soft and brief, sweet but flavored with the unmistakable hint of longing for something more.]

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek found those lips against his own, found his mouth being chased and he leaned up into it because he was the moth to the flame, he was the one who could not pull himself away from the whirlpool of Caleb's presence and those lips that worshipped his own so reverentially.

It was natural that he slip into those arms, and he lightly huffed against lips that treated him so gently, huffed but in a pleasant way so that they shared breath between them. He could feel his heart utterly squeeze in his chest and for some reason he could not draw himself away nor back.

They were both lost and there was no saving either of them. He had never had anyone of his own before, something that wasn't fueled by his mother's ambition. There were books of course, his own pastime and his own futile ambitions within them, but this man right here was only for him and he leaned into the kiss, was guided by it's inevitability and pulled into it's axis. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[The world made sense in that moment, in Essek finding his way closer and Caleb's arms finding their way around the drow. This was where he was supposed to be, with this brilliant, beautiful man whose lips tasted like home. This was not a private, safe place. It was a meager illusion of privacy.

Caleb was too lost to think better of it though, to do anything but sigh softly in utter bliss against those lips.

No, pleasant discussions over tea between friends would not be enough, not by a wide margin. Now that he had known what it was to have this small taste of more, he would be starved for it the rest of his life.]

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek was lost to the bliss that was Caleb's lips, he had never felt his heart lighter than it was; normally bogged down with cares and worries; with his own personal tribulations-- his lack of freedom and autonomy while he was forced to dance to his mothers whims.

His mouth opened up underneath the other man's, unmindful of their disparity in stations-- all he knew was that this felt right. He did not notice the door opening up, only the soft taste of Caleb's mouth, the inherent sweetness as his fingers curled into the hair right at the nape of the neck.

That was what Essek's mother was coming into; not only a kiss but the nearly scandalous sink of fingers into hair. And then he leaned backward to look up into Caleb's eyes, he managed to breath out softly. ] The bookshoppe tomorrow?

[ Only to hear a clearing of throat, of which then Essek felt a dawning horror as he fastly slipped of those arms. ]

~Oh I do not think you will be going anywhere for the foreseeable future, ust dalharuk~

[ Before Essek could say anything, his arm was caught in a vice like grip and he was yanked away from Caleb, he looked at him apologetically but he was already being herded out from that balcony and away from the other man. ]