Saintsmourn

[giveanything]

"Bless me father, for I have sinned," the words tumbled past his lips, ingrained in the well worn pathways of his memory from the years he'd spent in catechism and as an altar boy. Not that Liam was devout anymore -- how could he be, given what he'd become, given what he did and continued to do. The confessional booth was small and dark, light filtering in only dimly through the door and its screen that kept him hidden from the sanctuary beyond and from the priest he assumed would be on the other side.

"It has been... a very long time since my last confession."

What was he doing here? This was ridiculous. He couldn't possibly expect forgiveness and absolution. There had to be true repentance for that, real contrition, and Liam knew he couldn't manage either. He hated what he did, despised every moment of it, but he wouldn't stop. He couldn't stop. The price for disobeying was far too severe, and he would not be the one to pay it. The price for his disobedience and his failure would be paid by his brother, and he couldn't live with that.

So William had made his choice, made it again and again, putting that one life ahead of so many others. And oh he was good at what he did, talented at ruining people, in shattering whatever it was in a human being that kept their souls in place, until they were ready to throw it away. His watcher commended him for it, in a sick and sadistic sort of amusement.

Today's lost soul had been... fuck. It had been hard. She was young, barely nineteen, and her road had already been a hard one. He'd played the game with her for the past few weeks, insinuating darkness and doubt into the cracks of that already-battered soul. Today. Today she'd shattered, and there would be no recovering from it. Another soul for the demon who owned him.

He could feel the panic rising up in his chest, cold and hard and threatening to freeze his lungs so he couldn't draw in enough breath. In the dimness and silence of the confessional, all the carefully constructed walls and facades trembled and fell away. Gone were the easy smiles and quite literal devil-may-care attitude, all the charisma and charm that he relied on in his cursed excuse for a job. It was him and his breathing and the silence and the faceless priest in the chamber beside him. Liam wondered if he could hear the panic in his breathing.

"I... sorry. This was a mistake. I should go. I'm sorry, Father, for wasting your time."

Comments

[giveanything]

Liam hadn't realized that his phone had betrayed him yet. He hadn't exactly thought to pick it up to look, not with Gregory there. And Gregory had been there far too long this time. But thankfully, by the time Riley was pounding at his door, the demon had finished with him and taken his leave. Honestly Liam didn't know what he would do if Riley had arrived while his keeper was still there. The very last thing he wanted was for Gregory to even have awareness that the priest even existed; nothing good came from the demon's attention falling on someone good and kind like Riley.

He heard the pounding on the shop door. A floor below, but it was loud and frantic enough that he couldn't miss it. Frowning, he considered ignoring it. Whoever it was couldn't possibly need an antique that bad, right? He was tempted to just burrow further under a blanket on his couch and wait for the world to forget he existed. Instead he made his way from his apartment down the back staircase into the shop proper. Night had fallen, and the streetlights had kicked on not long ago now, and in their dim light even through the frankly torrential rain, he could make out the figure standing there. His eyes went wide and his step quickened to bring him to the door, fumbling with the bolt before jerking it open.

"Father? What are you doing here? It's hellish out there. Get inside before you get washed away." He stepped back enough to let Riley inside and out of the weather. The shop was small but neatly kept, scented of wood and varnish and the unmistakable scent of old leather and paper, only the lights that Riley had flipped on as he hurried to the door shedding any light. It was enough to see by anyway. Liam looked a mess. His hair was damp still from the shower he'd taken, mostly standing in the spray as hot as he could stand it until the hot water had run cool. He'd pulled on a pair of flannel pajama pants and an oversize hoodie, his feet bare and just now noticing the chill of the floor beneath them. Even with the hoodie, a bite mark was visible on his neck -- and not a playful love bite. Teeth had both bruised and broken the skin and thensome, a deliberately visible and ugly thing left with him as a reminder. The dark circles under his eyes seemed darker tonight as well. Though perhaps stranger still, and more alarming, was the fact that in the low light shadows seemed to swirl behind him, emanating from his shoulders like tattered spectral wings. Piece by piece, he was losing more of his humanity. Eventually there'd be only the parts of him that had been twisted into something demonic left. Liam didn't seem to be aware of this, or at least he was far too busy looking at Riley in concern.

"Did you need an end table to go with the bookcase this bad?" It was a thin joke, but it was his best attempt at acting like himself. "I've got a few I can show you, but first we're going to get you a towel and something hot to drink. Come on." He apparently did not expect to be argued with, since he reached back to grab a hold of Riley's hand and start to lead him to the rear staircase and up to his apartment so he could get the priest dried off.

[eblouissant]

He was not okay.

There was nothing okay about the dark circles underneath those eyes, and his eyes strayed downward until it hit where the bite lay bruised and ugly, with little streaks of blood still dried from where teeth dug in and broke skin. Riley took this in with those disassociated blue eyes, though the swirling miasma-- he caught that, and he wondered if it was his imagination, except they looked far too real and pressing to be a figment of a nightmare.

His hand was caught and then he was dragged up the stairs.

But he stayed there, stayed there rooted and did not follow him, not yet. He had rain dripping from every point on his face, and he looked a mess as well but that was not important, no of course it was not.

"You are not okay." He spoke this and it had an almost hollow sound to it, "Are you?" this was a question, but he knew that Liam likely had his pride as well, he tried to get Liam to turn around and face him, there on the steps leading up to the apartment. From where they were standing, Liam's face was in shadows, and Riley's held the outline of the light that backlit Liam, like a nimbus around him.

He reached with his free hand and dug into his pocket, finally remembering it was there-- and then he clicked the play button. After all, he had not tabbed away from their texting messages. In the desolate staircase it played, first Liam talking to Maurice, and then Gregory-- for a long moment it played before the message was ceremoniously cut off.

Then Riley spoke and it was quiet. "You deserved none of that." and even more quietly, a whisper. "I do not think I should leave you alone tonight."

[giveanything]

Liam stopped in his tracks when it became clear that Riley was staying rooted to the spot in the staircase. He sighed "This isn't some ploy to get you up to my apartment, I promise. You're soaked, and it's cold and--" He cut off at that statement. Question? Whatever it was. He still had Riley's hand and was still facing up the stairs here he was headed. Slowly he turned, not sure what to make of the question, of how to answer it, his brow furrowed and concern for the priest replacing some of that emptiness in his eyes, and as that concern grew, the shadows retreated, still overpowered by what small shreds of his humanity remained. "Me? I'm not the one out in a nor'easter without a coat. I'm fine." Liam was very decidedly not fine, but Riley couldn't actually know that.

Except apparently he could. His voice started playing in the empty staircase and he could feel a cold weight drop in his stomach. Liam visibly flinched at the first sound of Gregory's voice, staring in wide-eyed horror at Riley before looking away. It wasn't something he'd have wanted anyone to hear, any of it, but especially how small he sounded, how damaged. "I... I didn't know... it wasn't supposed to... you weren't supposed to..."

What must the priest think of him? He couldn't bring himself to look at the other man's face to find out, too much of a coward to actually face it. "I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to hear any of that." He almost missed those last whispered words, but they were what finally snapped his gaze back to Riley's, dark eyes plainly startled, confused by the statement.

[eblouissant]

Riley walked up to the step just below Liam while he jammed his phone back in his pocket-- then once there he released Liam's hand put only so that he could place first one palm and then the other against cheek, pulling him down until they were forehead to forehead, until Liam could feel the wet plaster of hair.

He did not attempt to look further into Liam's eyes, he knew the vulnerability there and did not want to intrude upon those secret and personal windows to the soul. "You deserve so much better." He repeated as if it was a litany that he could offer the other man.

He crossed the very small distance and brushed his lips against Liam's-- trembling and soft, as if the other man was a precious and priceless treasure; the priest tasted of rain and also sugar cookies and he gave that comfort to Liam in this moment.

Without any expectations of being given anything back.

This was not about sex or lust, it was about intimacy-- about becoming the balm to be wrapped around Liam's soul; tendrils of healing as if it could reach the darkness and sweep it away.

[giveanything]

Liam did not know what to expect when Riley moved closer, immediately jumped to the worst when the priest released his hand, only to be bewildered in the next moment by the way those hands cradled so gently at either side of his face. He did not resist though, letting his forehead rest against the other man's, a sudden unsteady beat taking grip on his heart as if it couldn't decide whether it needed to calm or panic.

"You're wrong. I don't. I..."

He'd done awful things, and he deserved every consequence that came his way. Somehow he'd tricked Riley into thinking better of him than he deserved. He would have argued more, but then those lips were against him and they were so soft and so gentle, and he'd never known a kiss could be like this, could nearly knock his feet out from under him with how warm -- and yes treasured -- it made him feel. He could taste the rain, could taste that something sweeter, and this must have been what Heaven tasted like, a Heaven that he would never know but oh he'd take this glimpse of it.

Kissing the priest back, he couldn't hold himself back from wrapping his arms around Riley's neck, molding himself up against the other man. He didn't even bother to break from the kiss before he spoke, the words a hushed, trembling whisper. "Please don't leave."

[eblouissant]

The softest scratch of facial hair, the press of mouth to mouth-- and then the almost desperate whisper begging him not to leave. And all he could think of, could convince himself was that he was providing Liam with something, that this was not a lie. He fortified himself, he knew that if he wanted to-- if he felt he needed to he could leave and Liam would understand.

The thing was? That he did not want to in the slightest-- not when he had something to share with the other man.

"I won't." he promised with a bedraggled chuckle against Liam's lips before he was dragged under again, into the kiss.. into that embrace He did not let go of those cheeks, pressing open mouthed kisses with the barest hint of tongue while he stood there a step down from Liam. "Whatever you need.. I am here." like a guardian angel.

[giveanything]

Of course he could leave. Liam wouldn't try to force him to stay, wouldn't stop him from leaving. He was still surprised that Riley was here, that he'd come at all. It was finally dawning on him that Riley had come all this way through the wind and rain for his sake, and he didn't know how to handle that, the idea that anyone would come for him.

He met the next kiss and the next, melting more and more into Riley. His guardian angel indeed. Liam could almost believe something like that, could almost allow himself to hope that there was some part of him worth saving, something in him that could deserve redemption, could be redeemed. His fingers slipped into damp hair, holding, gentle, careful.

"You taste like the storm..." Like a baptism that could wash away every last one of his sins. He leaned back enough to seek out Riley's eyes with his own. "Let's get you into something dry."

[eblouissant]

Riley nodded with that baby blue softness in his eyes and then he slipped his hand into Liam's and then made a nod upward toward the apartment where the light glowed. He felt breathless and perhaps that was just the barrage of kisses that stole all of his thoughts and rendered them a puddle-- he'd never felt this dizzy from a kiss before and yet here he was.

"I barely noticed the cold, to be honest." he said, perhaps it was just rightous indignation and worry that powered through him but perhaps a blanket and some hot cocoa would not be amiss whatsoever. After all he did like sweet things, and he could be easily plied with snacks in an effort to warm up.

[giveanything]

Liam closed his fingers around the other man's and turned to lead him the rest of the way up the stairs, out of the shop and into his apartment. It was small but not claustrophobically so, an open studio with a kitchen just big enough for a two-seat cafe table, a sitting area with a small sofa and his television and an upholstered chair that Maurice had clearly claimed as his own. His bed was tucked away behind a folding screen to separate it at least a little from the rest of the living area.

He led Riley straight towards his bed, but it was an innocent destination which would become clear when Liam released his hand and opened a dresser drawer to pull out a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeve t-shirt. He snagged a towel too and pressed the little pile into Riley's hands. "Bathroom's that way. Get out of those soaking wet clothes before you do notice the cold."

If Liam could keep fussing over Riley, then he didn't have to wrap his mind around the fact that the other man had really come all this way for his sake.

"Tea or hot chocolate?" Either way, he was already turning to head to the kitchen to start on whatever the answer was.

[eblouissant]

"Hot chocolate..."

Riley called as he took the sweatpants and the t-shirt and then moved to the bathroom to strip right out of his own soaking clothing, it peeled off him like onion skin though thankfully he did not smell like an onion-- thank the powers above for small mercies. He draped first his button down shirt over the shower stall door, and then followed with jeans.

After that left his boxers which he.. well there was no sense in keeping those and so he followed suit with those and over they went. He dried himself off thoroughly with the towel provided and once he was satisfied with that, he dumped it into hamper and then pulled on t-shirt and sweatpants. Ten minutes elapsed before he walked out, his hair was still damp but no longer plastered.

"Thank you." he said as he wandered over to where Maurice was napping on the chair and then he gave him a pet. "How is the kept cat life treating you?"

[giveanything]

So his priest had a sweet tooth, did he? Liam couldn't help a faint smile to himself. It was cute, endearing really. Should he be thinking that about a priest? Nope. But he also shouldn't be thinking about what it would feel like to spend a night wrapped up in Riley's arms.

Oh well.

By the time Riley emerged from the bathroom, Liam had the hot chocolate ready, two mugs steaming away on the coffee table by the sofa, with a small bowl of mini marshmallows next to them -- a scoop of which he'd already dropped into his own. He was settled on the sofa, looking up at Riley greeted Maurice. The cat chirped a sound that seemed like an actual answer to that question as he lifted into that touch to see if he could coax more petting out of the priest.

Liam found himself jealous, and wondered if that move would also work for him. He may have been trying for normalcy a little too hard right now, trying to prove (to himself as much as to Riley) that he was fine. This was fine. He wasn't on the brink of shattering apart.

[eblouissant]

This was not how Riley expected that he would spend a friday night to be honest but that was fine, he normally would have spent it reading in his room and then doing the occasional rounds. He realized that he probably should be back at the dorms, but the thing with Saintsmourn Dormitories was that there was very little in terms of accountability so the dorm would be fine.

There was also the ghost who would likely check in on them? I mean he hoped at least.

A few extra scritches underneath the chin for Maurice, then the top of the head. It was the Cat Tithe, alright, suitable attention needed to be paid to the cat-- finally he turned around and plodded over to sit on the couch beside Liam, reaching for the mug of hot chocolate.

Then he saw the marshmallows, and he very carefully dumped two scoops in.

Much better.

"Thank you for the clothing, I hung my clothes over the shower rod if that is alright."

[giveanything]

Maurice was eating up the attention. Clearly being a housecat agreed with the former stray, though he did worry about his new human who had moments of being too sad for even a purring cat to solve. The priest who smelled like sugar though, seemed to make it better, so he was clearly welcome.

Liam shook his head. "You looked like you swam here. I couldn't have you shivering yourself into an early grave in my apartment." And focusing on Riley and fretting over the soggy blond had pulled him out of the worst of the disassociation he'd slipped into after Gregory's visit.

"Sorry you came all the way here through that. I don't know how that message sent. Maurice headbutted my phone. He must've nosed the screen I guess." If he acted like it was just a silly thing, maybe it would be. Maybe Riley wouldn't see him as broken and damaged as he was.

[eblouissant]

Even now Maurice was making his way over to sit between the two of them which he had determined the prime spot for pettings; clearly and by Riley's determination, he likely concluded that there was no shame in being opportunistic, but also there was comfort in furry little ones.

Though the frown grew as Liam attempted to justify everything, from the phone to trivializing everything. He was not going to bring the phone up unless Liam did and even now he decided to play into whatever Liam said. It was mainly so that he did not bring any horrible memories to the forefront. "Maurice seems very precocious, it does not surprise me?" he offered as he rested his hand the back of Maurice's neck to give a nice kneading massage.

"I had a english sheepdog by the name of Samwise. I miss having a pet."

[giveanything]

"He's already figured out how to open the cabinet I keep his treats in. Precocious is about right."

He couldn't help a twitch of his lips into a smile. "Oh. You're a nerd. This explains so much. But... mm. Trick and I had a black lab growing up. Her name was Shirley. ...technically it was Sherlock. Because I am also a nerd. But Shirley seemed more appropriate for a girl dog."

Liam was an animal person since a very young age. He'd made friends with the crows in the neighborhood as a boy. ...and now as well, actually. And several pigeons and chipmunks and a opossum. He was on the verge of being a Disney Princess sometimes.

And now he had Maurice, a prince among cats.

Liam reached out to stroke his hand down the cat's back, quite deliberately catching Riley's and twining their fingers together. Maybe he needed the strength of that connection for asking what he did next.

"Why did you come?"

Liam couldn't quite figure it out, because it couldn't be as simple as Riley just caring about him. Could it?

[eblouissant]

"Good Maurice." he said, applauding Maurice's resourcefulness even as he gave Liam a rather wry smile, "No, I won't deny that, I used to sit alone at the lunch table and read-- though you could say it was because I had five brothers at home so I was not too keen on being social-- and I've read through a few libraries in my childhood." or it felt like it.

His hand was caught and he looked down at it, at their fingers entwined. "I came because I was worried about you, the message ended abruptly and I was afraid that.. he hurt you."

It had sounded like a threat and a promise, those words.

Also a warning. "That is the demon, correct? The one that you sold your soul to?"

[giveanything]

Small nerdy bookworm Riley was a genuinely adorable image, and Liam found himself charmed by the thought of it. Also five brothers earned a quiet whistle. "Five. That's a full house. Trick was more than enough for me, thanks." As if he didn't adore his pest of a little brother, even now when Patrick had (justifiably) come to despise him.

Liam's gaze was fixed on their joined hands as well.

Without consciously intending to, he tightened his fingers around Riley's. He wasn't used to someone worrying about him -- which was in part his own fault. He'd pushed the entire world away from himself, didn't let anyone close enough that they could get hurt because of him.

But here was Riley. Worrying about him. Coming here because of that worry, concerned that he'd been hurt. His free hand drifted up unconsciously to brush fingers gingerly over the bitemark that had been left. It wasn't the only one, only the most immediately visible. Gregory did not play gently with his toys. But pain was something that Liam knew how to deal with. Some twisted part in him figured he deserved it, a penance for his sins that could never be fully paid.

He hesitated before nodding. "My keeper, yes. Gregory. Or well, that's the name he uses anyway." He had trouble believing the demon's true name was fucking Gregory. Greg the demon. Why not.

[eblouissant]

"Dante, Alain, Leander & Lysander-- they're twins, and then finally Orion. My parents were very much nerds as you can tell-- my full name is Cyril please do not laugh." he said with a sheepish smile. "You can imagine that we all go by shortened versions of our name, except for Alain, people just pronounce it like Allen, which makes him angry.

Though once perhaps the laughter subsided he watched all of Liam's gestures and then he furrowed his brows. "Your keeper, I do not like that at all--" he said as he brushed his thumb lightly against the edge of Liam's hand.

It was delicate but fraught with infinite care. "I feel helpless when it comes to this, I do not even begin to know what to do to make this easier for you-- I do not know how to fight demons, Liam."

[giveanything]

"Cyril," Liam echoed with a flicker of a smile. "It's lovely, actually." He meant it. Riley was clearly a Riley, but Cyril suited too.

Even that simple brush of a thumb along his hand was more tenderness than Liam was used to, and it had a fluttery feeling starting in his chest. Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul...

Except anything warm and fluttery immediately turned to ice when the priest kept speaking. Liam was on his feet then, tense and adamant as he shook his head. "No, you don't. And you can't. And you shouldn't. He's... they're dangerous." Riley catching Gregory's notice sounded like Liam's nightmare, the idea of this good, gentle, kind man being hurt because of him was an anathema.

He moved then, to settle himself back on the couch. Sort of. Point of fact, he settled himself in Riley's lap, straddling his thighs and looking him directly in the eye. "Promise me you won't try. I am not worth it."

[eblouissant]

Only a little shrug to his name, but at least he had an easier time of finding a suitable nicknames, his other brothers were not quite so lucky and had to be very creative with their own nicknames. His eyes widened though when he found Liam straddling him, he looked up at the other man with those blue eyes that almost looked a little bit startled at the proximity.

His resolve was certainly like one of those fairy-tale knights.

"I can promise that I will not go out seeking things unless something occurs to me." he was not hotheaded though, aside from.. well this swimming in the atlantic coast rain storm. "It is unreasonable though to think that if the opportunity to help a friend comes up, that I will not take it."

[giveanything]

That was not the promise he was looking for, Riley, and the frown that tugged at Liam's lips was evidence of that. Really that was not a promise at all with that unless and the caveat for opportunities. His beautiful priest -- though not his, in no way his, even if oh something in him ached for it to be so -- who in another realm and another life would've made a perfect fairy-tale knight indeed. Even in this world, it suited Riley. But he would do to find a better damsel to rescue. This one was cursed and nothing but trouble.

Still frowning, his fingers slipped into Riley's hair, damp strands starting to dry now that he was out of the rain. He brushed it back from his face, quiet a long moment, eyes roaming over the other man's features like he was trying to commit every detail to memory. He couldn't put Riley at risk.

"Then we can't be friends."

His hands cupped gently at either side of the priest's face before he leaned in and kissed him again. This had to be goodbye. But Liam was greedy enough to want tonight. Just tonight. What harm could that do, really?

[eblouissant]

There was quite a bit that Riley had to say to that statement; however, as he opened his mouth to speak -- that was exactly when Liam used that to corner him, to cover their mouths. And those words died on his lips as he felt the pliancy of Liam seeking against his. Fingers through his hair and then his own arms slipped around Liam's waist.

Unfortunately for Liam, the Priest was stubborn and now that he had gotten into his mind to do so?

No promises hmmm? He could not make a promise and the declaration that they could not be friends-- he would think of something later. Right now though the weight of Liam against him filled his body with a heat that he had not felt in a while, but this time it was sharper and far more dangerous. Whatever tension that had held between them out on the cliffs had suddenly unfurled into something that stood to sweep them away, the waves reaching up to touch the two of them.

[giveanything]

Words were complicated. Words could wait. Liam needed this, needed the way that Riley's lips felt against his own, needed those warm arms around him. He needed to be held and kissed and touched like he was wanted, not like he was owned.

The way that Riley kissed him back, the way the arms came around him, it set that heat only intensifying in his blood, as if it might boil it away entirely if he were not allowed to sate it. He wanted to be swept away, wanted to forget everything and let the world fall away, all of it except for this beautiful, brave would-be-knight.

His tongue brushed along Riley's lips, dipping past in a tentative unspoken request for more.

[eblouissant]

Riley forgot everything except for the moment, except for how it felt here pressed back against the couch and with Liam perched upon him, the freedom of mouth-- he forgot that he was a priest, anyone more than just Riley. They had shared too much for this to halt at this moment, and deep inside he knew that Liam needed this, needed the assurance of something good-- it was the promise of something deep and more.

More nuanced than even lust.

His fingertips slid up and down the spine while his mouth parted for Liam to enter, to taste his tongue, his mouth-- gods, whatever he wanted to consume. He was his in this moment, and perhaps he had always had been his and he just did not know it yet? It felt like fate that had drawn them together there in the confessional but weeks ago, and now they were here.

No, there was no way that Riley would fight this, not like had on the cliffs and there was signs inherent in the vibrations of his soul, that dare not disrupt this.

[giveanything]

Liam shifted closer, leaning into Riley, molding his body up against the other man, eliminating any inch of space that might have otherwise crept in between them. It was more than lust, even if Liam would try to convince himself that it wasn't, that whatever was left of his soul wasn't calling desperately to Riley's, wasn't seeking out its other half in the other man.

His hands ran through blond hair, down Riley's neck, thumbs tracing the edge of his jawline. He chased the kiss deeper, a soft whimper of sound as he let his tongue slide slowly along Riley's.

"Please..." he spoke the word directly to Riley's lips, not willing to break the kiss even for speaking.