Baby, it's cold outsid

[ausgebrannt]

[It was Caleb's first Winter's Crest in Rexxentrum, in the small cottage that he had taken to calling home now that the Nein had taken a step back from the more intense part of their adventuring. Lucien and Cognouza were dealt with. Trent Ikithon was imprisoned. The war between the Dynasty and the Empire ended. Jobs well done, he supposed.

He had Essek had plans to travel back to Aeor, to seek out the T-Dock and the other mysteries of magic that lingered there, but the trip had not yet been undertaken. After all, Caleb knew that the drow had to be careful. The eyes of the Dynasty and the Bright Queen would eventually fall on him in regards to the stolen beacon. But that didn't mean he didn't look forward to the evenings that Essek managed to drop by to spend time.

He treasured those times, when they'd discuss magic and theory. He'd make tea -- or sometimes break out something a bit stronger -- and they'd talk until all hours.

All that talking but some thing still remained unsaid, unspoken, and lingering on the tip of Caleb's tongue where he could taste the bittersweetness of it, of a longing and a desire that he genuinely believed he did not truly deserve to ever really satisfy. How could he? He was a tainted thing, hands still blood-covered, despite his continued attempts to atone.

But he was still too selfish not to want.

Tonight he was seated in his chair, glancing at the door with an undisguised anxious hope. It had been a while since Essek had come, and Caleb missed him. And with Winter's Crest upon them, well, he wanted to share that with the drow, to show him the traditions he had grown up with.]

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[zauberdecke]

[ But this gift had meaning, there was care behind it, he could feel it in the way that the warm wool seemed to caress his fingertips gently, bestowing it's warmth upon his starving skin. The drow took the two ends of the scarf and held it up before he glanced over to Caleb. ] May I wear it now? Is that allowed?

[ And then another smile as he held it over for Caleb. ] Would you? I do not know how to put one on.

[ He felt rather dumb all told, but it was true that scarves were not something worn by the higher echelons, they had mantles and furred cloaks; nothing like this. ]

[ausgebrannt]

Ja, of course.

[If Essek smiled at him, Caleb would allow him to do anything he wanted. The Wizard was smitten, and he knew it. He rather thought, in his boldest moments, that Essek might feel the same. Still though that quiet voice that he did not deserve, could not deserve, something like love. It was what held him back from speaking it, putting it into words.

Action though? That spoke for him, his heart on his sleeve and in the things he did. He stood and took the scarf and set about wrapping it carefully around Essek, smoothing his fingers over the soft wool, murmuring quietly,] Zuneigung.

[The spell awoke with a soft frisson of arcane energy, a gentle and spreading warmth.]

There. How is that?

[zauberdecke]

[ It was easy to mistake such gestures for friendship. As Essek understood that Caleb had the biggest and most vibrant heart and gave love freely to all of his friends, and now he was included within that sphere; it was not that he lacked perception, he just have very little precedence for what he felt for Caleb Widogast. Once in Aeor, it had been hard not to fall in love with him, to be even a little bit protective of him-- had it not been love that had cautioned the other wizard to keep his eyes on the goal at hand? Had promised to go with him to Aeor.

Love that had cried out when Caleb had fallen on the battlefield and he'd been in view to see it.

But right now in this quiet moment, he felt Caleb's hands exactingly adjust the scarf, and then huff out the enchantment word and then a sweet spiced warmth wrapped around him with the scarf radiating outward rays of heat. ] It is wonderful, I feel very warm already-- [ Even though he knew also that part of that warmth came from how dangerously Caleb's fingertips were to brushing against his cheek, against the lock of hair that kissed his cheek from where he'd not properly trimmed it. ]

It is perfect, Caleb Widogast; I love it.

[ He managed to glance upward at a tree that seemed very tall, undecorated (as of yet). ] And that, is a part of the tradition too? I do not think that it is probably normal to have a large tree inside of a house, even a demiplane house such as this.

[ausgebrannt]

I am very glad. [Caleb's expression softened -- relief and affection in equal parts, that Essek seemed to like the gift, and that the drow was not put off by the gesture of the gift giving to begin with. He didn't want to be presumptuous in any way, didn't want to put any more of a burden on Essek's shoulders than the Shadowhand already carried. And what if that was what his feelings and affection were, just another burden to be borne?

Still there they were in his gaze, all the wordless love he was too much of a coward to speak.

He followed Essek's gaze and the change in topic. Amusement found its way to spark in his eyes once more.]

It is. We decorate an evergreen tree. It is a bit of a centerpiece in the whole thing, really. When I was a boy we would have to chase the cat out of it frequently as he thought it was meant as a gift for him.

Essek Thelyss | Critical Role | M/M

[zauberdecke]

[ Just as love flooded Caleb's eyes, laughter flooded past Essek's lips at the thought of a small child Caleb chasing after a cat, as he was certain that it was Caleb who had done it. The tree though was massive, easily 9 feet tall.. he approached it and then turned to rest his hand lightly on Caleb's forearm as he asked a question.

The touch was gentle, knowing the wounds that lay just underneath the surface of shirtsleeves. ]

And what do you decorate the tree with? It seems rather barren at the moment, are we to decorate it right now? [ All of these words were tinged with curiosity and no small amount of wonder; he'd never seen such a tradition before in his life-- it did not seem like one that worshipped any sort of deity, or if it was-- it was very subverse. ]

I do not mean to brag by any stretch, but I could float up and decorate the top. [ Perish the thought that he would shove off for the other wizard with his ability to reach high ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Essek was not wrong. He was frequently on cat wrangling duty as a boy, which was not something he had ever minded. The cat was more likely to listen to him anyway. He followed along with Esesk, glancing over at the other wizard at that touch.]

Ribbons and garlands and lights -- candles when I was younger, though you must be careful with fire on a tree, of course. Magic is less hazardous in this case. But ja. Also small trinkets and ornaments, baubles. Sometimes berries strung together with popped corn.

[Another smile at the not bragging.] You could. That would be very handy actually to reach the higher branches. And at the very top, we will put a star.

[And already the cats were trooping out with various ornaments and decorations for the two wizards to make use of.]

[zauberdecke]

[ This was a new experience for him, one that he was excited to take part in-- but that excitement was tentative, not used to showing excess of emotion; the energy that he gave off though, the faintest sparkle in his eyes, that was enough of course to tell the tale, much like if Essek had seen a particularly wonderful book filled with information.

This was information of another sort. And well, Essek did have questions for the other wizard. ]

Berries and popped corn?

[ He walks over to look through through the boxes that had been presented for inspection, he took out glass ornaments, a few little round balls with cats painted upon them, and then he glanced upward at the top--- a star, hmmm. ] Is there a particular way or an order that you must do this in?

[ Essek was trying to do the fun thing, it was hard when he had such an analytical mind.. of course, but he relied on Caleb as the provider of his information. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Caleb thought he knew Essek well enough to interpret the sparkle in that gaze, that there was a frisson of excitement beneath the drow's self-contained surface. He'd seen it in him when they were discussing magic, and watched that incredible mind latch onto something new with intensity and interest that Caleb quietly marveled at.]

Ja. Strung together into garlands.

[He picked up a few ornaments himself, stepping forward to hang one from a branch. A glance back at Essek and he shook his head.]

Not really. Except the star will go on last. Other than that, it is up to us to decide.

[For a moment Caleb fell silent before he spoke again, voice quieter.] Thank you, Essek, for indulging me in this. It has been... many years, since I have had space or cause to celebrate like this. And I'm grateful, to have someone I care for to celebrate it with me.

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek picked up a an ornament and then followed suit, moving over to a part of the tree three feet from where Caleb was, and he settled the brightly coloured orange ball there amid the boughs, hanging it with the little ribbon; his ear did twitch though, just the hint of as he heard the gratitude in Caleb's voice.

He took a few steps back, partly to survey his handiwork and the other part was because he was considering how to respond back. ] It is not indulging, not really. You and the rest of the Nein have made me fond and now well, I suppose it is up to you with how you deal with a domesticated drow now. [ He allowed the hint of a pfft, a sideways glance at Caleb. ] I am glad that you have shared this with me however now I am calculating how to make this tree the most aesthetically pleasing, so you probably should curb me before I take over this tree..

[ It was a humorous threat, he would not really go Treezilla on Caleb. ]

[ausgebrannt]

Domesticated is it? I am not sure. There is still something of the wild in you, so far as I can tell.

[Caleb teased. Or was it flirting? Flirting. It was definitely the flirting. He hung another glass ornament on the tree before his eyes strayed once more to Essek. A quiet laugh, as he ducked his head.]

I'll do nothing of the sort. I trust your aesthetic sensibilities much more than my own.

[Essek was far more fashionable and, well, prettier than Caleb could ever hope to be. Of course he'd know better about aesthetics.]

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek picked up a few more ornaments and then at Caleb's prompted words, he smiled and it was one that bared his rather sharpened incisors. ] Domesticated for a few chosen individuals-- it means that I would be very careful that I did not gravity fissure, and I would not bite you.

[ That may be a shame depending on where Caleb's mind was when he saw those teeth, certainly the glory of the drow species was that they still were permitted fangs with which to bare though for the most part the Kryn had become far more civilized.

He adopted a float and started to hang some ormanents at a higher level, at an exact distance from each other. ] You seem to trust me very much with your tree, Chathiu, but I promise I will not lead you astray.. this tree shall be the envy of all other trees.

[ausgebrannt]

No? Das ist schade.

[It truly was a shame, because Caleb looked at those fangs with a definite level of interest. Essek's sharp edges were just as intriguing as the rest of him, the intellect and the polish, that brilliant mind and the hidden vulnerable pieces that he'd been allowed glimpses of.

A tilt of his head in curiosity at that... was it an endearment? Was he being foolishly hopeful to even entertain that thought.]

Of course. You have all my trust. But you are wrong about one particular detail. This is our tree. We are doing this together, ja?

[zauberdecke]

[ Our tree, Essek felt almost impossibly warm at that sentiment as Caleb uttered it, floating a few steps out from the tree, his hand for a moment stilling as his mind turned over the implication: Their tree, he chanced a quick glance at Caleb but he couldn't hold that contact, knowing that if he continued to look at Caleb, perhaps the other man would see the affection in his eyes that radiated so warmly.

Instead. ]

Our tree, indeed.

[ He placed two more ornaments within the boughs and then drifted downward so that he could replenish the ornaments. He attached them to the arm of his robe, seven of them to be exact, hooking them amongst the fabric and then glancing upward at the height of the tree. ] I like doing things with you, Caleb Widogast. This is a very pleasant tradition and I hope to learn more about all of them throughout this evening, if you would continue teaching me.

[ In this, Caleb was the teacher. Perhaps Essek had a hand up on formal magic training, but these warm nuances of humanity was something that he did not have a strong measure of so in this he would absolutely let Caleb take the role of teacher, and Essek would be such a willing student in such matters. ] I do like the idea of popping corn though.. and berries; and there are no birds here with which to I suppose mess it up.

[ausgebrannt]

[Caleb watched Essek decorate himself -- a clever idea for the floating Dunamancer -- with a fascinated smile.]

You are going to outshine the tree at this rate, Schatz.

[Essek was not the only one who could drop endearments with no explanation! Take that. The Zemnian wizard was smiling at the drow with far too much affection seeping into his expression, as if he couldn't hold it back. Really, it was getting harder and harder to hide.]

I am glad you like it. I'm enjoying sharing this with you.

[Very much enjoying it. It felt almost surreal, a soft sort of magical that Caleb hadn't expected he was truly allowed in his life.]

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek heard the words, including the rather foreign 'Schatz' which he would have to look up later-- if he remembered. He looked down at Caleb, fixing the other man with a very stern look from above even as he methodically started to line the tree with the little baubles. ] You will turn my head if you are not careful-- did we not have a conversation about the egocentricity of wizards?

[ They had but it had stemmed toward mental egoism, not the others including that which stemmed toward looks. He was not vain by a long shot, in fact his own rigorous insistant to take care of himself was because he felt like he had something to prove and wanted to be taken seriously, not that he was actually vain.

He floated down then to just beside Caleb, his footsteps light so that nary anyone would feel it, as if he was alighting from the heavens. ] I wish I had something to share with you of similar, but unfortunately I do not. The holiday of the Luxon is not really a holiday but rather a day full of prayers for your future life, a truly alienating concept. [ He was was hanging more ornaments but at a slower rate ] I find this far preferrable, and the company is very pleasant.

[ausgebrannt]

We did. And yet, perhaps I will risk it, in this case.

[What wouldn't he risk to turn Essek's head? Except the answer to that was their friendship. It meant so much to him, after all, what they had created between them. He had no right to ask for more. He did not deserve more.

But he still looked at Essek as if the drow was indeed some angel who had just alit upon the ground.]

Perhaps in trade you can tell me more about you, ja? You have mentioned a brother, before, I believe.

[zauberdecke]

[ He kept himself on the ground and decided to hang these ones up a little bit closer. He worked deftly as he considered the question. ] I do have a brother by the name of Verin, he is stationed in Bazzoxan where he is the Taskhand that oversees the military.

[ He stood back to quietly assess that the ornaments were spaced evenly a part. ] When we were children, he was always tagging after me, drawing in my books, always climbing things, could never sit still-- and I was the complete opposite, where that I managed to sit quietly and be quite good.

[ A delicate laugh at the memory ] We argued like cats and dogs many a time, and drove the Umavi, our mother, quite incensed at our bickering... but I will miss him, I think.

[ A bit wistfully ] He was the only member of my family whom I think I loved.

[ausgebrannt]

[Caleb has stopped his decorating to watch Essek, watching those careful and precise hands set the ornaments in the branches, as he spoke about his childhood. The Zemnian wizard found himself imagining a smaller still-serious-and-studious version of Essek being tormented by his more active and mischievous little brother. It was a cute vision.]

I think bickering is natural even among close siblings, ja?

[That was the impression that he had of it, even if he'd not had any brothers or sisters.]

Surely you can still find ways to see him? If I am able to help... he is always welcome here in Rexxentrum if he ever desires to sight see in the Empire.

[zauberdecke]

I would not want to endanger him, it would be difficult to do so right at this moment. I would imagine that if he was caught consorting with an enemy of the Dynasty, he would be severely punished, and he is a very good man, he is not like me.

[ Essek said this quietly before he stepped back from the tree. ] So I do not want that for him, I would like him to live his life and live free-- or as free as one may while still living under the strictures of the Luxon.

[ And then Essek lifted his hands to make a shrugging motion. ] I did not mean to bring, as Jester would say, the 'vibe' down. This is supposed to be a happy celebration, yes?

[ausgebrannt]

[Oh see now there went Caleb's heart. He knew that feeling, the weight of knowing the mistakes and sins that one carried on their shoulders. But Essek's own sins were ones he had seen the Shadowhand try to atone for, try to be better than.

He stepped in closer to the drow then, to set a hand against his shoulder, along the fabric of the gifted scarf the other wizard was still wearing.]

You are a good man too, Essek. I have seen you, becoming better than your mistakes.

[The way he was ready to give his brother up rather than chance bringing trouble to him, that was all the more evidence, wasn't it? Caleb knew he was biased, yes, but he didn't think that meant he was wrong. Not about this.]

You have done nothing of the sort. The 'vibes' are still perfect, I...

[This was when a soft little jingling of bells above their heads drew Caleb's attention up, in time to see one of the tower's cast finishing hanging a sprig of mistletoe (and accompanying silvered bells) directly above the two wizards.]

Scheiße. Traitorous beasties. [Muttered under his breath.]

[zauberdecke]

[ It was rather kind of Caleb to comfort him like this except he was being practical about this, about the situation with his brother. There was sentimentality within him, he would never be able to look at a jar of jam without thinking of his brother, he would always see that doofy smile on his face, but also the kindness there and the way that he cared for his people enough to want to protect them.

Right now it was better if he kept away. He could survive, they rarely saw each other anyways and perhaps one day who knows. Just not today.

He had been about to say something, to tell Caleb that he was prepared to go back to decorating the tree, when he heard the same thing as Caleb did, he looked up to see the cats were finishing their own decorations. ] Are those bells? How clever of them.

[ He did not know the meaning of Mistletoe nor precisely what it entailed; but he was smiling once again, the wistfulness of the past giving way to the present where he was firmly in the center of with Caleb. He missed his brother yes, but there was Caleb right here. ] Are they not supposed to decorate?

[ausgebrannt]

They are bells. It seems they wished to be noticed.

[Traitors! If a fairy cat had ever looked smug, it absolutely did in this moment. Because clearly, the wizard who had summoned this tower and them -- their wizard -- desperately needed help or else he'd die of old age still pining over the Shadowhand, who clearly was pining in return.

Caleb looked form the sprig of mistletoe back to Essek, the start of a flush turning the pale skin beneath freckles a soft pink.]

Ah... no. They are allowed to decorate as they wish. But this is... it is another tradition. That plant is mistletoe. It is hung in various places, and those who are caught standing beneath it are meant to kiss. [More blushing.] It is a frivolous, silly custom really.

[zauberdecke]

[ Traitorous fairy cat, very good fairy cat.

The mistletoe hung there dangling on little silver bells while paws lightly batted them, likely to draw attention to the incriminating piece of merry greenery to laud the coming season. He watched the plant with entirely too much interest, he also clocked the blush as well as the way that Caleb clearly seemed flustered, perhaps even a bit uncomfortable.

Essek would not mind kissing Caleb but... he noticed that bit of discomfort and he did not want Caleb to do anything he did not want to, even if the thought of kissing the other wizard warmed his heart. ] Is this is not something you wish to do?

[ He was trying to be considerate of the other man, giving him care and consideration as well as respecting his boundaries. ] I would kiss you but ah, I do not want to make you uncomfortable.

[ausgebrannt]

[Uncomfortable yes, but likely not for the reasons that Essek might be imagining. And for a moment Caleb was unsure how to answer. But he could not just lie to the drow. That didn't feel right either.

And those words I would kiss you threaten to stir in him the kind of hope that led to boldness he didn't often manage. A breath and he shook his head.]

It is... not a matter of not wishing to.

[Breathe, Caleb. Remember to breathe.] But the exact opposite. I wish to kiss you entirely too much, more than I have any right to want.

[The secret was loosed into the air and Caleb braced himself for how it would land.]

[zauberdecke]

Oh?

[ He hoped that the cats would hold that thought with the mistletoe and bells for he hoped to come back to that. But he was focusing on words and revealed secrets, on the disarming flush and the note of chagrin; how recalitrant the man look, like he'd been caught with his fingers in the cookie jar. His heart understood that Caleb wanted to kiss him, and wasn't that a curious thing indeed.

A hum even as he very softly tucked a lock of hair behind Caleb's ear, already a gesture that was far too intimate but not one that he cared go follow.

He did not speak, rather he leaned upward and then brushed his lips very softly against the corner of Caleb's mouth, then he whispered ]

I have wanted to kiss you since the Grove-- ever since you choose to prioritize my well-being over that of your previous...

[ Associates, lovers, there were perhaps so many words for them. ] Unfortunately it is easy to act in battle than it is in peace.