Saintsmourn

[giveanything]

"Bless me father, for I have sinned," the words tumbled past his lips, ingrained in the well worn pathways of his memory from the years he'd spent in catechism and as an altar boy. Not that Liam was devout anymore -- how could he be, given what he'd become, given what he did and continued to do. The confessional booth was small and dark, light filtering in only dimly through the door and its screen that kept him hidden from the sanctuary beyond and from the priest he assumed would be on the other side.

"It has been... a very long time since my last confession."

What was he doing here? This was ridiculous. He couldn't possibly expect forgiveness and absolution. There had to be true repentance for that, real contrition, and Liam knew he couldn't manage either. He hated what he did, despised every moment of it, but he wouldn't stop. He couldn't stop. The price for disobeying was far too severe, and he would not be the one to pay it. The price for his disobedience and his failure would be paid by his brother, and he couldn't live with that.

So William had made his choice, made it again and again, putting that one life ahead of so many others. And oh he was good at what he did, talented at ruining people, in shattering whatever it was in a human being that kept their souls in place, until they were ready to throw it away. His watcher commended him for it, in a sick and sadistic sort of amusement.

Today's lost soul had been... fuck. It had been hard. She was young, barely nineteen, and her road had already been a hard one. He'd played the game with her for the past few weeks, insinuating darkness and doubt into the cracks of that already-battered soul. Today. Today she'd shattered, and there would be no recovering from it. Another soul for the demon who owned him.

He could feel the panic rising up in his chest, cold and hard and threatening to freeze his lungs so he couldn't draw in enough breath. In the dimness and silence of the confessional, all the carefully constructed walls and facades trembled and fell away. Gone were the easy smiles and quite literal devil-may-care attitude, all the charisma and charm that he relied on in his cursed excuse for a job. It was him and his breathing and the silence and the faceless priest in the chamber beside him. Liam wondered if he could hear the panic in his breathing.

"I... sorry. This was a mistake. I should go. I'm sorry, Father, for wasting your time."

Comments

[eblouissant]

Perhaps that was because of the pull between them, curiosity that it was hard to resist. He did not know what had possessed him, but it was a testament to how much the subconscious within him recognized Liam as someone magical, someone special. The priest tried to push it down, tried to make it so that it rendered itself into a packaged ball of repression.

Just the touch sent shivers down his back, and he leaned forward-- sending his cheek even more firmly against the palm, his eyes slid to Liam's where their gazes collided. And then his tongue slid out to wet his own lower lip, and that gesture was nearly done unconsciously. "Only one kiss."

Speak it more than once, to make it the truth.

[giveanything]

Who was Riley trying to convince right now? Liam couldn't help but wonder. Still he smiled at the words, nodding. "One kiss."

So he planned on making it count.

One more caress of his thumb along Riley's cheek and he closed the distance between them, finding those absurdly beautiful lips with his own. It started soft and tentative, but that pull was impossible to resist and he moved to kiss him more certainly, claiming that mouth like he'd been yearning for it for far longer than he'd known the priest.

His fingers slipped back, to sink into blond hair, curling and gripping at soft strands.

[eblouissant]

Riley was trying to convince himself, it was himself that needed that little push of remembrance. The softest touch of fingertip to his jawline, against check and then the flutter of lips against his own. He'd almost been tempted them to fall back and to retreat. Every cell within him screamed it, and yet he remained there and their mouth collided them on purpose.

It was like the indecent rush of alcohol running through his blood on a face track to his brain. Parted mouth against his own and he was almost impossible to resist his. His lips were moistened because of his tongue, casting beautiful pliancy to the kiss and then there was his hand which was clenching while he attempted to resist the urge to rest his hand against a shoulder.

Gods, thankfully he did not disgrace himself by doing that.

Oh indeed, it was fire and it was gravity rolled up in one. Everything a kiss should've been, a world that had nearly crashed on it's axis and hurtled into hubris.

[giveanything]

One kiss Liam repeated to himself silently, a mantra that he was trying to cling to because the first touch of those lips made something warm explode in his chest, racing through him like the blood in his veins. No kiss had every felt this way before, had never had his heart facing and butterflies fluttering madly in his stomach.

He lingered though. He lingered as long as he could, learning the taste and feel of those plush lips on his own. It took all his self control not to wind his arms around Riley and lean into him, or just straight up invite himself into the priest's lap. So far that willpower held at least.

A brief brush of his tongue along Riley's lower lip before he reluctantly drew back to break the kiss. But he did not go far, resting his forehead against the other man's to linger in that proximity, eyes drifting open to seek out Riley's.

[eblouissant]

His own mouth felt the graze of tongue, lightly glazing his lower lip with the glisten of saliva. A deep sigh, lips parted so that Liam could taste the agony there. Oh gods, this was a mistake, this was such a mistake and he was almost keenly aware of it.

Because he could not become unaware of any time before having kissed Liam.

The mouth was a promise of poetry against his own, it was everything that had been written about by all the grand poets. It made his heart surge painfully and his heart constrict. He could not-- he should not, he jerked back because his entire world had been shaken and then upended. And those chocolate honey eyes, he could become lost in them.

A cookie clattered on the ground, breaking into two parts and then he tried to put at least some distance between them. He looked like a dear in the headlights, that had been caught doing something forbidden.. not permitted. His cheeks flushed and he poured himself something to drink to whet his throat-- but the taste of Liam still lingered.

[giveanything]

Liam could feel Riley drawing away, that quick jerk back enough that he released his grip and let his fingers slide free of Riley's hair. For his part, Liam did not move, instead just watching the other man with a soft sort of wonder playing over his features. He could still feel the ghost of the warmth of Riley's lips on his own.

Unconsciously, he lifted his hand to touch his fingertips to his own lips as if trying to prolong the memory. A smile, soft and almost shy, and he looked back to the priest who was looking very much on the teetering edge of some sort of panic. He felt bad for that, truly, but still, they'd both quite clearly been affected.

"Wow," he murmured the word quietly. "Thank you. You know, that was my first time kissing someone human."

[eblouissant]

"What do you mean, human?"

Riley said after a few moments, and at this moment he did not see the look on that face because he dared not look at him, fearing that if he looked at him again they would kiss again.. a second kiss.

His fingers gripped the glass even as he regarded the contents. His heart pounded like it had run a marathon and all the while the taste of lemonade was nothing next to the feel of Liam's mouth against his own. He thought that he'd been strong.. but clearly.

[giveanything]

Liam very much would like a second kiss. Maybe a third. And a fourth and then maybe more, but Liam was trying not to be as greedy as he felt when it came to wanting the priest. That kiss had been a match to dry tinder ready to become a conflagration, and it had done exactly that.

He looked over to Riley at the question. "I mean human. Not a demon. I mean, they're generally human-shaped most of the time. But it's different. They're empty, and there's no warmth there." At least the demons he had known. One shoulder lifted in a faint shrug. Somewhere deep down in himself he realized that what he was saying was not even remotely normal, but it was all he'd known. Normal was relative.

Another moment where he couldn't quite stop himself from reaching up to brush his fingers along his lips, the sensation of that warmth already fading back to memory, where he expected he'd treasure it.

[eblouissant]

It had to be a cookie crumb trail to temptation, though honestly he would be thinking of how he felt with the other man's lips on his own-- it would figuratively haunt him in the depths of sleep, and out of it.

Just enough moments like that and he may just cap-size like a boat, regardless of intentions.

And was his eyes drawn to the way that Liam touched those lips, so much that he had to look away once again. He had learned however that normal was not often times the case, he set the glass aside and then he clasped his hands together. "So you've kissed people who have been less than human?" kissed was probably not the right word at all.

[giveanything]

Step by tiny step. Liam could be patient, after all. But he was already fully in over his head, and he recognized that. Maybe that was why he was acting so recklessly about it, bolder than he had any right to be.

Or maybe he was just desperately lonely and the spark of connection and attraction and something else that Riley had set to glowing in him was the first warm little light he'd felt in a very long time.

A nod at the question. "Or they kissed me, if we're assigning agency here." Among other things yes. The way he understood it, demons drew energy from sexual release with humans, even when the demon wasn't specifically an incubus. For incubi it was a much more pressing need that fed their very survival.

[eblouissant]

It was something that would pull between them until they acted on it-- the Priest so close to sin, his soul so ripe for the taking; he had taken vows and that bright pure flame within him was like candy to those who seeked to devour it. At this moment, there was nothing to be done-- they were on a collision course like two asteroids who would eventually crash, and then twining flames to the ground within their own hubris.

"I.. so you do not choose these things?"

Oh Riley had a temper, normally he was fairly placid and calm but he could become waves upon the sea, crashing in a stormy rage if he was provoked enough. It was rare but it could happen.

[giveanything]

Liam didn't want to do anything to ruin that brightness in Riley. He ought to realize that was exactly what he'd do though. He was poison, the sort of thing that tainted everything he touched. Really, shouldn't he know that by now? But he was blinded by the warm light in Riley and how it called to him, drew him in.

His shoulders rose and fell in a shrug that was far too casual for the subject matter. "It's part of the contract, part of the price of the deal I made." A life for a life. His keeper owned him body and soul. Really, the only thing that was his own anymore was his heart, and that was a battered and broken thing anyway.

[eblouissant]

Riley was instinctively drawn to battered and broken things, perhaps it is because he wanted to assuage the pain of those who needed it-- perhaps because he read so many conflicting things in the weight of Liam's presence. Confidence and yet vulnerability, flirtation and yet-- also something child-like in him, like he'd been forced to grow up far to fast.

Whatever he had to do, with his dubious consent-- it made Riley bite the inside of his cheek.

"I wish you did not have to go through that." he could not save anyone, but he had to try and the sadness made him perhaps even more resolved; beware demon you now had a foe in Riley-- whether that became formidable remained to be seen. "No one should have to go through that."

[giveanything]

Riley would be the first to see through him. That confidence and flirtation and bravado got him through most of life. Even his brother thought that was the real Liam these days, never considered that it was all a carefully crafted defense.

He looked over at Riley in surprise at that. For Liam, while he wasn't exactly happy about any of his end of his contract, at least warming Gregory's bed didn't do any damage to anyone else, as opposed to the soul collecting which tore at him each and every time he ruined a soul and a life and saw the cracks spread through someone because of him. Not that he'd admit that to anyone.

"Don't worry about me too much, Father. I deserve what I have. I have no illusions about that. There are much better places to invest your kindness." More deserving places. More people who could actually be saved.

[eblouissant]

It was words like that which would get stuck in Riley's head, settling there where he would obsess over it as he stared up at his ceiling at night, of ways to save Liam. There had to be a way, there was always a way. He looked over to Liam then and he smiled just a little bit. "I am doing it for Maurice." the orange cat with a single braincell. "He clearly needs a dad, and he has chosen you so..."

In so many words, "Also I have promised to come visit him, have I not?" him and Liam.

They were a package deal, according to Liam.

"You know, animals are good judges of character."

[giveanything]

"Well... I wouldn't want to keep you from Maurice. He's an excellent cat." And Maurice had clearly taken to Riley as well. His gaze flickered to the side, making the beautiful mistake of meeting the priest's eyes, captured immediately in that fathomless blue. Could you drown in the sky? Liam might be finding out in this moment.

For his own self preservation he looked away out over the ocean before laughing. "I'm not sure orange cats count. They're not known for their wisdom."

But generally animals did like him, and Liam liked them. If he'd not had his soul snatched up by a demon bargain when he was too young to know better, there'd been a light in him as well, one that was being strangled and starved moment by moment, though some small spark remained.

[eblouissant]

The Priest could see the goodness in the other man, it was a spark but it was there, as long as there was something he felt like he could work with that. It was temptation to be around this man, but he also knew that he was not bad, just that sometimes he did bad things. He carefully reached in the basket and then pulled out another cookie, offering it to the other man.

"Orange cats have quite a bit of heart so I have determined, even if they are less than wise. Leave the wisdom to other people, just let Maurice's preference for your company count for something." offering a smile that touched at the corner, and illuminating his eyes just a little bit.

[giveanything]

"All right. I'll trust Maurice's taste, but only because he is an excellent cat." Liam had already decided that he had to do some shopping to make sure Maurice had what he needed. Litterbox and food bowls and a scratching post and a cat tree and bed and toys. He would spoil his new stray cat son and his utter lack of braincells.

He leaned back into the bench, letting silence fall between them for a few minutes. He couldn't shake the feeling that Riley saw him in a way no one had in a very long time. It was intoxicating and terrifying in equal parts.

"I can still feel your lips on mine..." he broke the silence with the downright wistful statement.

[eblouissant]

Those words ran through him, and spoke to something deep within him.

He looked out to the sea, in the same direction that Liam was looking-- the windbreaker provided very little true warmth but that was fine, the sun was out and shining on them which helped mitigate it. One of probably the last nice weeks before true autumn settled into the trees and leaves, sea and rocks.

"I can as well."

He admitted, he could not lie.

[giveanything]

And here they both were, sitting at the edge of the world. His heart was still fluttering in his chest, skipping beats and falling out of rhythm. It had never done this before, and this was the moment that Liam realized that he might be in trouble, deeply in trouble.

He couldn't bring himself to care enough to retreat like he should have. Instead he ducked his head with a quiet laugh. "I don't think I'll be able to get you out of my head, Father."

Not a chance, really. "And honestly, I don't want to."

[eblouissant]

He had never questioned his vows until that kiss with Liam, and that shook him to his core.

Honestly, he'd never missed sex-- not really and perhaps that was because he had not felt that spark; he'd felt arousal but that had been such a generalized thing and not attached to a singular person. It was something that woke him up in the morning, hard and demanding. But looking into Liam's eyes, he became increasingly aware of how easy it would be to fall.

That terrified him.

And thus, he would do the retreating for the two of them. It was time that he was strong, he shut the basket and then looked at his watch-- nervously and then he got up from the bench. "I should probably head back, I have to be back at the dorms.."

He did not, but it was easy to say that, because if he stayed here he would not be sure of what could happen-- he was attracted and that was clear, but he was also fighting that attracting tooth and nail. He needed to refortify himself because he felt he could not do anything for Liam with this miasma of sinning thoughts going through his mind, all of them forsaking every vow he'd pledged to the church.

[giveanything]

Ah there it was. Liam didn't move when Riley stood, not at first anyway. It was probably better to let the priest make his escape, to go and put distance and time between them so they could, hopefully, let clearer heads prevail. If they could, if there was any way that he could possibly get the other man out from where he'd settled deep in his mind and his heart.

He should let him go now, let that excuse be enough.

Instead he found himself reaching out hooking his fingers into the pocket of Riley's jacket, to stop his retreat, to urge him closer. "This isn't the sort of sin that stains a soul. I wouldn't risk your light." He looked up at the other man through a fringe of thick, dark lashes. "Let me give you this? Please?"

[eblouissant]

For a moment Riley looked at Liam, into those dark eyes fringed with those equally dark lashes, the scruff that made him look very sexy, and the slightly tousled hair; was that a trait of the family to have hair that looked like it was rumpled due some sort of exertion? He'd never thought of it before, but with Liam he wondered if that was what he looked like waking up with his hair all mussed.

"What do you mean?"

There was a bit of wariness to his voice as he was pulled closer. His heart hammering, and it was like a deer that had the strong urge to run away and to avoid temptation. Riley knew that he needed to run, but Liam spoke in such a bedroom voice and he was nearly stricken speechless with it.

[giveanything]

Liam looked up at the priest still, watching him with dark eyes made darker by the desire that was flooded through him. He knew this was a bad idea, knew he had no business asking for this, but he wanted it. Oh he wanted it, wanted Riley, so much it was making him genuinely stupid.

Another gentle tug at the jacket to urge Riley to turn towards him, to step closer. His free hand slipped beneath that jacket, fingers curling into his belt.

What did he mean? He meant this, Riley. He meant things that were very much against vows made to a church, but were, at their essence, very fundamentally human and divine in their own right.

"I mean pleasure. I mean losing yourself, for just a little while. I mean one night, together." Just one kiss. Just one night. What damage could that really do?

[eblouissant]

Riley could feel his resolve slip and it was not fair, not fair that Liam look at him like that with those dark eyes and not expect him to fold. An almost pained look crossed over his features, as if he was being sorely tempted. He did not try to tug away though his voice was hoarse.

"I cannot...'

But why was there a question mark there, the slightest inflection and raised tone. It felt like he was on the tumbling brink of falling into it especially since he did not tug away. "You are asking something I should not give but I am tempted, you are tempting me."

But he did not blame the tempter, he blamed himself for being so easily filled with something unspeakable, for wanting exactly what the other man promised-- his lips parting and his blue eyes gleaming as if he had to fill his mouth with air and his eyes with light to try to ease the shadows of undeniable desire that tendriled around him. "I want you, but can a single kiss save you? Can one night save you?"