: Hanahaki - Guess I'll Just Die :

[blackradley]

It was truth that Alec was not as restless as Seregil was; their little place on Half Moon Street was well lived in, though the treads in the carpet were not from Alec, not even remotely. Alec could be content to just sit in a wing chair and read, in dreaming-- in moving through books and ideas all of the ways that the world had not opened up for him before his first meeting with Seregil.

Though he did miss Seregil's presence, the chaos in the other side of the room; in all of his soliloquys and ramblings, his plotting and scheming.

The rain pattered outside, and Ruetha had found a good thing in his calmness. Her goal of comfort was to spend days in Alec's lap, and then cuddle in with Seregil at night and he supposed, as he scritched just behind her ears, that it must be a very sweet deal indeed. Thankfully she allowed him just enough time to turn the page before he returned back to his ministrations.

A lock of blonde hair fell in his eyes, those blue eyes that managed to convey so many emotions-- both wonder as well as stubbornness; but this time calm. Occasionally he would have to let out a cough which he covered with his hand-- not precisely noticing the petal that disguised itself within his palm before it fell casually and wedged within the couch cushions where one would find a veritable sea of them hidden underneath.

He thought about getting up to go search Seregil out, though he thought perhaps the other man did not want to be disturbed. Tried not to think about if Seregil was at the Avenue of Lights, perhaps in the arms of his green eyed boy. No, best not to think about that, he'd only be setting himself up for a long train of thought that he was not prepared to board.

So he sat there, whiling away the moments.

Comments

[rhimineecat]

Seregil would prefer it if Alec did not get his head on straight so much as get his head on bi, given the matter at hand. It was fine. So he was not going to stop the touching unless Alec gave him some sign he wanted it to end, which did not seem to be the case at the moment at least.

If Alec paid good enough attention he might realize that Seregil was just tracing the letters of his own name over and over again in various directions and areas on his chest. His. His Alec.

There was a flicker of relief on his face at the I did, though when Alec continued, his brows knitted briefly in uncertainty. "No? But you do with... me?" And then, quieter, the real uncertainty that lingered here in him, "But not because you feel like you... owe me somehow?" Because he had played the part of mentor, teacher, after all, and he did not want to think that clear imbalance of influence was part of this.

It had taken him long enough in the first place, long before thoughts of being in love had ever occurred to him, to get Alec past the fact that he had nothing to repay him for, not for saving his life, not for providing him with the supplies and weapons he needed to exist in this new life.

[blackradley]

There was not an indecisive bone in his body, what there was however was a tendancy to weigh things carefully and thoroughly. There has been too much attraction there, too much of himself being jealous of men that got to have a part of Seregil that he did not. He did not make moves unless he'd made his mind to do so.

"No, this is not some sort of debt repayment-- you would not ask that of me because despite what you claim, you do have honour." He knew how self depreciating Seregil could be when he got into his head." He reached up to curl his fingers through locks of unbound hair.

"What I meant is that I do not want anyone else because I love you. Also I felt comfortable with you, and that made it very enjoyable because I trust you completely." He furrowed his brows at Seregil and then he continued.

"I think I felt like I owed you at the beginning but now, there is a partnership between us which has no place for debts and accounting."

[rhimineecat]

That seemed to be what Seregil needed to hear, some line of tension leaving him and allowing his lips to curve into a smile, with nothing to stop him from leaning just slightly into the touch through his hair. "Now, don't go extolling my virtues, tali. I've worked very hard to have precious and few of them."

So yes, self deprecating as if it were reflexive habit at this point in time.

But he let his own fingers lift to first brush Alec's hair back from his forehead, then trace a fingertip down along his cheek where he curled his fingers and caressed lightly with the back of his knuckles. "I love you too, deeply and wholly, and I always will." There was no way it could possibly be otherwise.

"And you're right. We are partners, friends. And even if you decide you no longer want me as a lover, we will be friends. If you want to take a wife, I will dote on your children and teach them all my best tricks and mischief so your hair will turn gray before its time." Seregil would, of course. He wanted Alec to be happy, but his dearest wish was that the other could find that happiness with him.

[blackradley]

There was Seregil, leaving him an out-- a way to be sad, though he did not think that it was dramatic. there was a part of him that wondered how that would work, them going from lovers and back to friends. Alec did not very much like the idea of thinking of that especially when he'd made his decision right here and now.. and yes, discovered that he liked what Seregil had done.

Quite a bit, in fact.

He gave the Aurenfaie a look that Seregil knew quite well by this point.

"I forbid you from thinking of anything beyond this moment, and maybe the next hour." Alec said simply as he curled his fingers at the back of his lover's neck and drew him back downward so that he could press an open-mouthed kiss to Seregil's. "I won't have you complicating the moment with things that may not happen but which you wish to think about as if it is some divine penance for goodness that you don't think you deserve."

Bullseyes did not always have to be pierced with physical arrows. "You are better served to kiss me, Tali."

[rhimineecat]

Leaving him an out, yes. And it was very dramatic, because it was Seregil, but it wasn't meant that way. More it was a protective reflex for him. He wanted Alec to have that escape if he needed it because, well, Seregil couldn't help but worry about being an albatross around his neck. But while he was quite certain it would shatter him if Alec moved on, he was reasonably sure he could at least survive that heartbreak as long as he could keep some piece of him, some small sliver of Alec's heart that would still allow him in it.

He might have abandonment issues. He probably ought to talk about them and work through them. But that wasn't going to happen, so here they were.

Except, here was Alec indeed firing killing shots without a bow in hand, piercing straight through the heart of the matter. Seregil opened his mouth to say something, but honestly, he found himself with no words coming to mind. Because Alec was exactly right, and how did you argue with that? Unfair. Entirely unfair.

Seregil loved him desperately for it, too.

"You forbid me, hmm? Quite the nerve you've gone and developed." He liked it. A lot. "You probably ought to keep my mouth occupied then, or else I might transgress..." So yes, the kissing, please and thank you, which Seregil was happily leaning in to do exactly that, half purring at the way those fingers curled against his neck, like Alec knew, rightly, that Seregil belonged to him.

[blackradley]

Alec would not keep something like a newly developed lover-like fondness from telling Seregil exactly what he needed to hear when he needed to hear it, even if it was not welcome. He was not blunt, and most of what he said usually was painted rather circumspect all told-- there were other people who could've gunned at the Aurenfaie far worse.

This came from a place of regard of which he was certain that Seregil did not consider for himself.

For such a peacock, Seregil was quite praise-averse and maybe that had everything to do with context, but still did not keep Alec from holding back.

"The nerve I have is the nerve you've encouraged in me." so yes, this was al Seregil's fault. Alec was himself, but parcel of that was a monster of the Night Runner's own creating. Mouth to mouth though as he drew Seregil back onto the bed, against him and then quite brazenly pressed his body close. For someone who was still exploring such things, he sure was a greedy thing-- which yes, also a good thing. "Best, yes." and then his tongue dived within, past those lips and he was curling his fingers in locks of hair as he wrapped his slender leg against one thigh.

[rhimineecat]

And thank Illior for that. Seregil had not known how much he needed Alec before the other man had come into his life, but oh he did need someone who could and did and continued to call him out on his not-infrequent bullshit. Oh yes, he'd still fuss and bristle about it at times because he was himself, but not so deep down he realized it was good for him. He was a better man for Alec's presence in his life.

Seregil breathed a laugh to those lips and all their damned audacity. "Mm... I'm ever the architect of my own undoing," he conceded before letting himself melt into the kiss, lips parting to welcome, to encourage Alec to explore, to take whatever it was he wished because Seregil was not only willing, but horribly eager to give it.

He shifted closer, like he fully intended on not allowing a single sliver of space to exist between their bodies if he could help it. His own arousal had not diminished even with Alec quite expertly putting him in his place, and he slipped an arm around the other man to press against his back, insistent and only mildly (okay, a little more than mildly) possessive.

[blackradley]

Oh, Alec did like that.

Also because of the pleasure he had experienced, he was rather pleased by the sign of Seregil's own arousal, reaching between them with his unoccupied hand so that he could stroke Seregil gently as they kissed, tongue sliding underneath tongue while he allowed sensuality to pass between them.

There was no denying the way that Alec had become more pliant in Seregil's arms, certainly receptive if the way that Alec's hips thrust upward in response to Seregil's hand possessive drawing against his back.

He was going to blush for even suggesting this but he'd try gallantly. "I want you..." and then quietly. "Inside me"

Alec was clearly going for throwing himself into things as he was wont to do-- right to the point, his own reasoning was that he wanted to try all aspects to evaluate if he found them pleasurable. For Seregil's sake just as much as his own; he rather thought he would enjoy being the penetrator all the time but it was important for him to KNOW if he would enjoy being on the recieving end.

Which he did not know yet.

[rhimineecat]

And there went his Alec as per usual, throwing himself headlong into everything he did. The boy did not have any option between think about it from every angle possible and all or nothing. He'd never seen Alec approach anything by halves, so really, why should he be surprised this was any different? Yet here was Seregil, who was distracted and breathless from that delightfully sensual and consuming kiss, trying to wrap his mind around what his lover had just said to him.

Oh. That. Well, yes. He had rather thought it would be best to ease Alec into things, start with what would be analogous to the little experience he'd had with women, but yeah nope, apparently full speed ahead. His own face was flushed as he drew back to look at him. "You're sure, tali?"

Because Illior save him, he very much wanted that. Then again, he wanted everything with Alec. Seregil himself was a fan of being on both ends of the act, his own sexuality coming down to the fact that he enjoyed giving pleasure, enjoyed receiving pleasure, liked pretty people of any or all genders -- and was discovering just now that having a deep bond of love made everything so much better, so much more. Being with Alec made it so much more.

[blackradley]

It was a translocation spell of the mind that was periodically cast, that allowed him to go from 0 to Instant Decision in as little time as possible and with absolutely no middle ground. He had a feeling that Seregil had been ready to ease him things, but Alec balked profusely at being at a disadvantage for very long. This was a disadvantage in his education, and now Seregil looked at him with a bit of incredulity in those storm cloud eyes.

"I've never been more sure in my life, Tali." he assured Seregil as he stroked his fingers through hair, allowing the touch and closeness to infuse the area around them. "You'll know if I don't like something." Alec assured Seregil, hoped that Seregil trusted him to know his own mind.

"And I also trust you to understand that if I don't like something, it is not a personal failing on your part." that was spoken with a warning, because even right here and now while they were both love-drunk, Alec meant business.

[rhimineecat]

There were several incredibly unfair things about this moment. First and foremost, the way that Alec was running his fingers through Seregil's hair was very distracting and wonderful and it made him want to do whatever Alec asked of him, and there would be no peace for Seregil if Alec realized that. Secondly, he clearly knew Seregil too well, calling him out so accurately. Third, he did all that looking like every boyhood fantasy Seregil had ever had about desire and love and forever.

He had no defense to any of it, at all, and he sighed softly, nuzzling his nose along Alec's. "You're a monster, I hope you know." His own personal precious monster.

With another stolen kiss, shorter and gentler but with no less passion laced through it. "But I want to be inside you very much, to make you mine this way..." And any other way he could think of. With that he shifted just enough to reach to fumble around on the cluttered chaos that was his bedside table, quite expertly and deftly snagging up a sweetly perfumed oil.

[blackradley]

A few things managed to yeet themselves off of the counter, little drops of chaos that endeared Seregil to him in such a manner that he would never have changed a single bit about the other man, because he was perfect the way he was; his eyes sparkled with softness in those blue eyes and he tucked a lock of hair back behind Seregil's ear.

"And I too.." he was finding that he was very aroused by the thought of closeness with Seregil and he didn't quite care how he got it-- was this love? Wanting to be as intimately close as possible. He smoothed his hand then against that stomach, upward upward until his talented fingers, the same that nocked a bow was now slowly massaging that shoulder.

"If I am a monster, then you are a.. well..." he found himself colouring ever so slightly, yeah.. his mind had gone there but then it stopped before it had quite committed too it.

[rhimineecat]

Seregil found himself already feeling a blossoming addiction for all these little touches, the brushing back of his hair, the way those fingers -- with the faint but unmistakable calluses from bowstring and arrow -- began that kneading at his shoulder. They'd already been fairly affectionate and free with small touches, Seregil having a fondness for ruffling at Alec's hair or slinging an arm around his shoulders. But this had a different flavor to it, all the more alluring.

When Alec started, and then abruptly stopped, in the middle of making a decidedly bawdy joke, Seregil broke into laughter, delight clear in the sound and in gray eyes as he looked down at the blond. "I suppose I am at that, yes. Or will be, shortly."

All aboard the monster fucker express?

Seregil's shoulders were still shaking in now quieted laughter. "You are precious, tali. Beyond any words I have to express it properly." That wouldn't stop him from trying though.

He pressed a kiss to those lips, then his forehead and finally the tip of his nose before sitting back on his heels and settling himself between Alec's legs, urging thighs to part for him.

[blackradley]

There was a huff from Alec, completely Alec in nature, though that was also tinged by the soft affection present in his cerulean gaze, the piece of himself that was inherent in the other. And wasn't Seregil an intrinsic part of him? They were twined by experiences and that was incredibly poignant to him. Alec spread his thighs and then allowed his palms to spread and touch along Seregil as if he was thirsty for absolutely anything.

"You are ridiculous.." however that was said affectionately and with such love in his voice.

Truth be told, he enjoyed touch-- was not sure of public displays of affection but he had a feeling he could grow slowly used to it even given the chance. "Maybe less teasing more action, Tali..."

[rhimineecat]

"I am. And it's part of my considerable charm," Seregil informed him, as he worked on opening up the bottle of oil that he'd snagged, looking down at Alec, entirely unapologetic in his high spirits right now. Don't mind him, he was apparently in peacock mode, preening prettily.

"Which, I admit I already knew was quite substantial, but I've surpassed even my own highest expectations this time, having charmed the most beautiful creature I've ever encountered into my bed. Even more impressive is that it seems I've worked my way into his heart too."

He made a bit of a show of drizzling the oil on his hand, working it in a slick sheen over his fingers, seeing if he couldn't warm it at least a little. A flicker of a grin tugged its way over his lips as Alec scolded him for teasing which, really, how could he have resisted?

"He's exquisite, you see. Outshining any jewel I've seen in any noble's treasury. His eyes alone put any sapphire that could ever be mined to shame with envy. I find myself wanting to write poetry across his skin with my lips. The sweetest music I have ever heard is when he calls me tali." He mused all this quite thoughtfully as he ran his unslick hand down Allec's thigh, urging those hips back just a bit.

[blackradley]

There was yet another snort from Alec though this time coloured by the comfort he felt in this moment; he'd though he would feel self conscious but the trailings of the talimenos bond flowed through him though he had no real word for it. Nakedness was natural in this moment and while he would never undress in public (or very reluctantly) his lover of silver eyes and silver tongue set him as such ease that it barely registered that the air caressed his skin.

Maybe a little flush as Seregil gazed at his body, his entrance and yes, his balls.

"You still remain ridiculous, Tali.. I stand by my words." And then he arched his hips upward while he groused good naturedly. "Also very dramatic, it makes me feel like we are on a stage and with people watching." He pulled the pillow to himself and then bit at it, smiling around it at the thought of being called beautiful.

"You very nice to look at yourself."

[rhimineecat]

"I've a poet's heart, I'm afraid. You will, alas, find yourself the subject of its musings over and over again. No help for it." So yes, he was ridiculous, and he loved the way Alec responded to it, half snorts of laughter and rolls of his eyes and half with that faint little smile and flush that he could see behind that pillow.

It surged into his heart then, the rush of just how right this felt, how much he loved him, how Alec felt like the one he'd been waiting for without realizing he'd been waiting for all his life. Seregil did have the word for it, and he expected he ought to introduce it to Alec, and hope that the intensity and depth of such a connection didn't rattle him at all.

"It's not unheard of, this sort of performance on stage for an audience. No doubt we'd draw quite a crowd, mm? But I don't think I'm eager to share the sight of you like this with anyone."

A light caress up along the inside of his thigh, fingers pressing into lean muscles there even as his fingertips teased down along the skin between his balls and his entrance, slowly working his way down to massage a slick finger against that tight hole.

"I'm glad you think so, tali," he murmured quietly, expression softening.

[blackradley]

"I suppose for you, I will endure." he said with a tease of his own, hiding his smile behind his hand and then as Seregil pressed his fingertip against hole to massage, he let out a low almost indolent moan while he arched his hips upward even more firmly, though he decided to use Seregil's shoulder as an ankle rest for obvious reasons that it seemed the most expedient.

After all in a position like this, it was very hard to figure out what to do with legs, and he had the same slender limbs than Seregil, but also his shoulders were perhaps a bit more broad?

"I hope to never attend such a performance, if I'm being honest." he said this in between breathless gasps, why did it feel so good to have his own hole being toyed with, this was not something that would've occurred to him, but then honestly Seregil could do anything and he would be an utter whore for it-- what an embarrassing thought that he had only recently toying with.

"I do.. you are, it's impossible to not want to look at you.. for me." and then his free hand moved to slid up chest. "it's a wonder I get to touch you too."

[rhimineecat]

Another laugh, this one a low, soft chuckle. "Remind me, sometime, to tell you how they celebrate the solstice, in Aurenen."

But right now he was much more interested in the way that Alec moaned for him in utter perfection to each touch. It continued to ease those lingering worries that he'd somehow tricked Alec into believing he should want this rather than actually wanting it. The way his beloved reacted so eagerly and intensely though, all the evidence that Alec enjoyed his touch, wanted it.

And there was no doubt that Seregil wanted Alec's touch either, the way his skin sang in the wake of those fingers, the way his breath caught and he subtly leaned into it. "I want you to touch me, more than I have ever wanted anyone's touch before." It might have sounded like sweet nothings and pillow talk, but there was something of an awed earnestness to it. Talimenios. It whispered through him in every drop of blood in his veins.

That leg settling over his shoulder also entirely sublime. Like this, there was nothing stopping Seregil from leaning in and kissing at the inside of his calf. "Relax for me, tali... we will take this as slowly as you need." And with that he pressed a finger slowly inside that tight clench.

[blackradley]

He would be curious even though he had a feeling that since Seregil was bringing it up, it involved something borderline if not outright scandalous; and that this would be so much teasing to be had for Seregil-- he rather was giving the other man fodder for it, but he could not bring himself to complain since he was being so expertly prepared.

He let the subject drop, it'd come up later-- just like his dick which was currently ramrod straight and laying heavy against his stomach, perhaps there was a bit of precome leaking from it as well-- proof that he did have the trajectionary period of his brethren.

He skirted his fingertips back, looking into Seregil's eyes before he wrapped his fingers around that slender long clock and started to stroke it, spreading slickness of a more man-made sort all over it, his eyes never broke from Seregil's-- he too felt the pull of attraction, a strong chord that linked them together. He may have not known the word, but he felt it.

His own ministrations to cock made it so that he was relaxed enough to accept that finger, it slipped inside with nary a difficulty, and maybe that was because Alec did best when he had something to distract him, like a task. A rough little groan as he felt it, the press of it against his walls and then he bucked his hips eagerly against it.

[rhimineecat]

Seregil watched as Alec took himself in hand, a soft groan leaving him at the sight of it. The blond was a study in temptation, alluring and beautiful and tailor-made to drive every piece of Seregil utterly mad with need. He let his finger sink inside fully, twisting and slowly beginning what probably ought to be a familiar motion of fucking the digit in and out, rubbing and massaging against those inner walls to urge Alec's body to relax and yield to him.

"There you are. Good boy..." he purred, though his own voice sounded strained with desire. Oh he wanted to be inside him, to feel their bodies joined and moving together as one. He wanted to make love to him. For the first time. And then again and again and again.

After a few deliberate moments, he nudged a second finger inside as well, watching Alec's face. "Still all right?"

[blackradley]

"Yeah, it is." Alec murmured breathlessly, the ministrations working him open and the last thing he thought of doing was clenching, he was pliant and willing, and with his calves resting against shoulders, he was absolutely ready for the other man to fuck him.

He rather thought he would like it, and he was beginning to understand that maybe he enjoyed new experiences?

"Its perfect, Tali.. I, the need is building, I can feel it." It hadn't been anything this close both times before and maybe that it was Seregil and he was comfortable. Wanted Seregil to do this, his curiousity absolute in this moment.

"I think I'm ah.. looking forward to you being inside me." There was that admittance, for him. And fuck if that good boy didn't make his prick twitch at the utterance

[rhimineecat]

His sweet, honest Alec. Seregil could read the openness on that familiar, beautiful face, knew that Alec was not dressing his words up or giving him the answers he wanted to hear. Though he very much hoped that it was that way. ...he also was entirely aware of how Alec had reacted to those words, and he'd guessed he might. How often had he watched the other's face light up in those early days when he'd been praised for his quick learning and talents in all their various lessons? Impossible not to notice.

"I am looking forward to it too... to being inside you. To making love to you." Sentimental yes, but Seregil was more sentimental than he would ever outright admit to in words.

And since Alec liked it, that seemed the perfect reason to demonstrate that this could and would be even better. A slow, deeper twist of his fingers, caressing and massaging along the tight walls of that passage, deliberately seeking that spot inside him that he'd learned very well would send a bolt of pleasure through him.

[blackradley]

Now that came as a surprise, so much that Alec's eyes widened before they closed, his teeth burying into his lower lip for a vital second as his prostate was touched and then his walls did clench, his breath managed to huff out a question despite himself, because he did want to know everything.

"What.. was that?!" He had not felt anything like it, it was like a jolt of concentrated pleasure, and it was certainly not something that men experienced with women unless that woman was a bit more take charge and the man comfortable with their masculinity.

"Does it.. aways feel like this, would this feel similar if our positons were reversed?" He wanted to know, seregil-- he was full of a thirst for understanding even as he started to grind his hips to get another roll of that touch.

[rhimineecat]

Seregil smiled the smile of a cat who'd gotten the cream as Alec's hole tightened around his fingers, as Seregil watched the new pleasure wash over his lover's face. And then there went his Alec with a million questions. Was it wrong to be only further endeared because Alec was very much Alec even here -- even while he was half breathless with desire, even as Seregil was working him open so that he could fuck -- wanting to understand everything.

"That was what I was looking for, tali. And yes it always feels this way. It would be the same for me, if I were in your place and you were in mine. I could make you come for me just like this, you know..." By way of proof and demonstration, he continued the deliberate massage of fingers against that nub of flesh.

And there was something appealing about the idea of slowly taking Alec apart while he watched, in every way that he could think of, until his lover understood each and every way that he could be pleasured and made to rise to heights and tumble in ecstasy from them. Just now though, Seregil could feel his own arousal as an aching reminder, a throb at the thought of being inside him. "But I want so much to be inside you, to find our release together."