: Hanahaki - Guess I'll Just Die :

[blackradley]

It was truth that Alec was not as restless as Seregil was; their little place on Half Moon Street was well lived in, though the treads in the carpet were not from Alec, not even remotely. Alec could be content to just sit in a wing chair and read, in dreaming-- in moving through books and ideas all of the ways that the world had not opened up for him before his first meeting with Seregil.

Though he did miss Seregil's presence, the chaos in the other side of the room; in all of his soliloquys and ramblings, his plotting and scheming.

The rain pattered outside, and Ruetha had found a good thing in his calmness. Her goal of comfort was to spend days in Alec's lap, and then cuddle in with Seregil at night and he supposed, as he scritched just behind her ears, that it must be a very sweet deal indeed. Thankfully she allowed him just enough time to turn the page before he returned back to his ministrations.

A lock of blonde hair fell in his eyes, those blue eyes that managed to convey so many emotions-- both wonder as well as stubbornness; but this time calm. Occasionally he would have to let out a cough which he covered with his hand-- not precisely noticing the petal that disguised itself within his palm before it fell casually and wedged within the couch cushions where one would find a veritable sea of them hidden underneath.

He thought about getting up to go search Seregil out, though he thought perhaps the other man did not want to be disturbed. Tried not to think about if Seregil was at the Avenue of Lights, perhaps in the arms of his green eyed boy. No, best not to think about that, he'd only be setting himself up for a long train of thought that he was not prepared to board.

So he sat there, whiling away the moments.

Comments

[rhimineecat]

Seregil was fine. He assumed if he repeated this enough -- silently in his head, under his breath to himself, in Aurenfaie, in several other languages he'd learn throughout the years -- it would eventually be true. Somehow though, this sophisticated and foolproof strategy wasn't working. That was what had set him out into the rainy city earlier today, the search for some other strategy, just in case full on stubbornness and denial turned out to not be the brilliant plan he thought it was.

He'd also needed to get out of those cozy room where he knew for a fact that he was making Alec uneasy with how restless he had been. Though never one for stillness, Seregil's current level of restless was a bit much even for him. He knew Alec has noticed, and he knew Alec was concerned because of course Alec was concerned because it was Alec. The boy was keenly perceptive and so generous with his care and...

Well, that was why he couldn't know about this. As if on cue, the this in question reared its head, a cough that despite his best effort to keep in, made its way free and with it, a fall of flower petals from his lips -- deep golden yellow and cerulean blue, the exact shade of the hair and eyes of a certain half-faie that he was so hopelessly and completely in love with that it was, quite literally, killing him.

After all, Seregil knew what this was. He knew this affliction. It was a malady of the Aurenfaie, one that was largely unknown outside their realm. But not entirely unknown.

He knew that Nysander would know what it was, which was why he had not brought this particular concern up to the wizard. Seregil knew the affliction, and he knew the remedy.

Love unrequited took literal root inside a faie and bloomed forth until it was either confessed and accepted by the object of the affection, or until it was quite literally rooted out with magic, the blossoms torn from the afflicted faie, and along with it, all the emotions and memories associated with it. That was it. Two options.

And neither was something that Seregil could accept. He couldn't confess that he was in love with Alec. How could he lay that burden on his dearest friend? He knew Alec was exactly the type who would take up that burden despite what it would do to him, despite there being no chance of him feeling the same. He wouldn't let Alec give up a part of himself he didn't truly want to; he wouldn't force the man he loved to lie to him that way. So that option was out. And he would rather die than lose what he felt about Alec. The boy had taken up space in so much of his heart, who would he even be without it?

Of course, dying was the third option. The flowers would bloom and bloom until they finally choked the life out of him. Legends told of Aurenfaie who'd hidden their love away and been overtaken by the curse, becoming beautiful flowering trees that wept petals in the breeze as a reminder of how lovely and dangerous love was.

He had hoped there might be some other avenue, maybe something that could at least delay the onset of the worst symptoms, give him more time. But nothing had turned up in all his frequent forays out to talk to contacts within Rhiminee.

Returning home, he made his way up to their rooms, looking like a soggy, morose cat who'd been shut out in a storm, and he heaved a sigh to preempt another cough as he came through the door, slipping out of his wet cloak, a small rain of petals dropping along with the actual raindrops he'd brought with him.

"Do you know, Alec, that there are people who say the sky actually used to be blue?" A grumble about the weather, given how long the cold rain seemed to be lingering these days.

[blackradley]

He'd glanced up before hand, almost as if he could hear the swell and crash of something; perhaps Seregil's own brand of chaos, the hum of something on the wind and the intuition that had overtaken him and made it's presence known far more than the feelings he too harbored for Seregil-- and that was because he worried about Seregil to an amount that could be construed as unhealthy.

He'd been used to solitude within the canopy of forest, but somehow now he was used to the thrum of life and vitality, used to every nuance of Seregil's demeanor. The stories and the teaching moments, the wry smile that alluded to some great secret only he knew about. And sometimes that led to frustration that Alec wanted to be privy to those self-same secrets.

The amount of secrets though that Alec was able to shake out of him, well those were accomplishments.

The moment that Seregil moved through the door, and Alec seemed come to attention, peeking over the edge of the high backed chair, followed by Ruetha who managed to give Seregil a sleepy blink as well. Two individuals who had been passing a rather quiet rainy evening.

"The sky is always better when you are looking at it through a tree canopy." he retorted smartly and then offered the other man a smile. "Haven't eaten yet but there is cheese and meat, also some bread from the bakery down the street, but you better not get my half of the loaf soggy by dripping on it." now that Ruetha was off his lap, he was free to move, and so he did. Forward he came to take the Aurenfaie's coat so that he could hang it up (if he didn't hang it up, it'd be thrown somewhere-- Alec would bank gold on it)

"You probably will need a bath." there was a bit of the fussing of Alec. "So you don't smell like wet Rhiminee Cat"

[rhimineecat]

"Yes, yes. You can take the boy out of the forest..." But clearly the forest remained well woven within the boy. Suddenly the gloom and gray of the outside that had followed him in from outside seemed to fade away as he looked at Alec and met that gaze. There it was, his blue sky and sunshine waiting here in their cozy little home. A fluttering tickle in his lungs and he turned away to hide the cough into his sleeve.

He didn't try to stop Alec for taking his coat -- which yes, would have wound up left dripping on whatever he flung it towards. Flung over something was sort of like hung up, wasn't it?

"I would not dream of having such horrendous manners, Sir Alec. I'd never leave you with soggy loaves. What sort of scoundrel do you take me for?"

...probably the exact sort of scoundrel he was?

The mention of a bath drew a soft sigh that bordered on a groan. "Yes, yes I will. I will be putting the extent of how hot our water can get to the test I think. So if you have any desire for a bath today, you may want to join me because I cannot promise there will be water left in all of Rhiminee."

What. Wait. Did he just invite the beautiful creature he was so in love with it was literally killing him and whom he couldn't tell he was in love with to join him in a bath? Yes, of course he did. Because his mouth had a strange feature where it just bypassed his brain entirely.

[blackradley]

The flowers did not evidence themselves and it was because Seregil was back and suddenly all was right with the world-- granted, he'd been perfectly content on his own but there had been something that was missing and it had been this man who came striding through the door with that devil-may-care attitude. He nearly beamed with pleasure and then turned back around just to catch what Seregil had spoken of.

A bath.

Alec made a face, it wasn't that he objected to bathing but he wasn't the morning noon and night type like Seregil. "Listen here, I've already taken my bath for the day, this morning. So do not try to trick me into another bath." he clearly did not think that it meant anything, rather he playfully pushed at Seregil while he wandered over to the kitchen to grab up an apple to take a bite out of it.

He was still proper, still was getting over the Dahlnan bent toward propriety but at the very least he didn't freeze up like he had at the beginning when both Micum and Seregil tried to get him out of his clothing for a proper bath in one of the city bathhouses. "Besides, it is much too cramped in the tub for one person, I cannot see how very comfortable that would be."

[rhimineecat]

Seregil's smile widened at the way Alec reacted. Yes yes, the feral thing he'd had to chase into baths when they first met did at least voluntarily deign to take them these days, but clearly he had not yet taught him to fully appreciate the luxury of the whole process, that it was something to be enjoyed, not a chore to be completed.

"You do realize that there is not some hard set legal or moral limit to bathing, hmm?" He chuckled to himself and reached out to ruffle at that soft blond hair. Just a normal casual touch, something he'd done countless times, but lately, his fingers wanted to linger, and he realized it was a dangerous addiction he was testing himself with.

When Alec pointed out exactly why the tub would be uncomfortable for two, he heaved the heaviest of sighs at Alec, and flicked the end of one golden lock. "There is so much of the world you've still to learn. I am sorry that I've failed as your teacher so badly in this way. Perhaps I should find you a tutor more to your tastes. I could ask Eirual if that lovely girl of hers is available, if you like."

He was just torturing himself at this point in time, wasn't he? The cough rose up in his chest and he lifted a hand to over any errant petals.

[blackradley]

"Maybe if you are lucky I will graduate to a bath and a half soon." Alec said with a gesture that was almost cheeky in nature, and he was finding it hard not to lean into that touch that felt so warm and familiar. In a way he was like a cat who had gotten comfortable with his surroundings.

And was very comfortable with Seregil.

The cheeks though did flush at both the proximity of his companion and mentor, the roguishly tinted question and the teasing manner where he discusses something so casually that Alec for the life of him could not bring himself to even listen to with as much casualness. Micum murmured something about taking Kari into his arms and it had Alec turning bright red.

"You don't have to, I know my way to Eirual's and I can wander there if I want---" a huff as Seregil attempts to coax him into being less proper and express his more.. ah bilary's balls.. wanton thoughts. But then his mind cycles back to connecting the first statement to the last.

Oh...

Oh.

There was that expression that Alec has when he bluescreens.

"Tali.. I..." for a moment it looks as if he has put two and two together, he finally figured out Seregil's love for him and is about ready to weigh in judgement. And then his mouth opens.. and then closes.

"..People actually do that in baths?!"

[rhimineecat]

Ah there it was, yes, that sweet, tell-tale blush on his Alec's face. Come so far in the world, but still such innocence and fluster over such relatively harmless things. So he couldn't help the way his expression softened even as he was reminded quite plainly that yes, he did know the way to Eirual's because Seregil had personally shown him the way even if it had broken something in his surprisingly delicate little heart to know that Alec's taste ran quite fixedly towards the pink lanterned houses.

Seregil was quite ready to continue the light teasing because that was the normal thing to do, even as the tickle of petals rose in the back of his throat, but then he saw Alec go quiet. Then that strange breathless moment where he felt like something had risen in the air, the charged feeling, the way the world held it's breath before lightning struck. Tali the endearment that they both traded so effortlessly, though Seregil was certain that Alec didn't understand the full weight or significance of it. He couldn't. And Seregil didn't want to tell him anything that would stop the other from calling him that.

Then it passed. And he choked on another cough, quickly wiping petals down and along his trousers.

"Oh Tali. People do that in places you would not think it was physically possible. Passion is one of the greatest drivers of creativity. Poems and love songs, yes, but also extremely inventive venues and positions. Baths are quite classic, really."

[blackradley]

"You understand more about poetry and songs then I do, but they sound nice coming from your lips." he wondered if he should mention the poem he'd read in Seregil's notebook, the drawing of that young man looking all sensuality-drowsed. The thought alone managed to continue that blush against his cheeks and keep it steadied there.

"But still, I can hardly imagine." he was trying to keep himself occupied cutting up the meat and cheese and attempting not to look at Seregil just because he was finding himself unaccountably shy at this moment, he wondered.. darkly, if Seregil had ever bathed with his green eyed object of affection-- and then he tried to choke it down, he coughed a bit and quickly hid it in the crease of his elbow.

A flower petal, black... and a few silver ones like starlight, but he shook his arm very quickly, or attempted to.

[rhimineecat]

Well, for once in his life, Seregil was the one who felt a flush rising in his face at the rather sincere compliment. He'd been praised for his voice and his songs by many, yes, but few whose opinion ever mattered quite so much as Alec. So he's not prepared for how it has his heart tripping over itself. So here they were, the two both of blushing and not looking at each other.

In the deepest, most selfish part of his heart, he imagines himself stepping closer, tucking himself up against Alec's back, nosing at the downy soft hair at the back of his neck, breathe him in and tell him that he doesn't have to just imagine. But no, that wasn't something that was his to take when it was not something that Alec wished to give.

He would have had to fight off a sudden unhelpful melancholy if something didn't catch his attention. That flash of silver, and he watched the petals fall.

Oh. Oh no. Nonono. Now his heart dropped for an entirely different reason. Without a word, his hand snapped out to grasp at Alec's arm, one of the flower petals caught beneath his thumb. "Alec. How long?" No playfulness in his tone at all now, quiet but intense and so deathly serious.

[blackradley]

"Huh?" Alec was drawn from the flush and the spradic chopping, and then he looks down at what was caught within Seregil's fingertip. He finds himself furrowing his brow at it, not truly comprehending. "What do you mean?" he was looking at the petal and then he shrugged a bit as he sliced the cheese into sizes that would melt the easiest over a peace of bread toasted with a poker.

He honestly had no clue what the petals had meant, did not know the nature of it and that it could possibly mean. The only thing worse than what it meant was not knowing what it meant.

"A few weeks now? I.." he raked a few fingers through his hair before looking to Seregil while he attempted to process the intensity in Seregil's gaze. "Why?"

[rhimineecat]

"Illior's light... a few weeks..." Seregil felt a wave of nausea roll over him and he tightened his grip on Alec's arm without consciously intending to. His heart was racing at a lightning past, only a scant second slower than his thoughts. Weeks. How had he missed it? Too caught up with his own stupid miseries, and he'd let Alec suffer. Because Alec wouldn't know, of course he wouldn't know.

As Alec turned to him, he took the boy's face between his hands, looking into his eyes, holding his gaze so that he would know if he tried to downplay any of this, to make less of it than it was. Alec was not one to lie, but he was one to dismiss concerns over himself in favor of focusing on others. It was one of the many things that Seregil loved about him.

"Who is she, Tali? We'll need to find her straight away. Better not to waste any time. The progression can be tricky to predict..."

[blackradley]

His face was taken, and it would have been something for him to shrug off if he hadn't truly wanted it-- but he liked it, even as it filled the flush in his cheeks again, but there was also something that Seregil was not telling him. His brows furrowed as he looked straight into Seregil's eyes despite the colouring in his cheeks which felt embarrassingly uncontrollable.


"You have not answered my question."

There was a hint of impatience to Alec, that infernal need to know that have gotten lesser men into far more trouble. It was also why he dogged Seregil on answers and refused to let up until he was communicated with. Something that Seregil had probably always desperately needed in his life. "Who is she? What are you talking about?"

[rhimineecat]

That damnable stubborn insistence on knowing. It was infuriating and admirable and Seregil wanted to shake him because this wasn't the time for history and magic lessons. Time mattered here and now. But rationally, if he took a moment to push down the blinding panic at the idea of something happening to Alec, Seregil knew that he deserved to know, to understand.

Reluctantly, as if it was physically challenging to make himself end the contact, he let his hands fall away from Alec's face. He carefully picked up a stray petal still clinging to his tunic. Silvery and delicate, lovely really, if not for what it meant. At least there didn't seem to be any blood staining the petals just yet.

He held it up between his index and middle finger. "This affliction, even among the Aurenfaie it is very rare. But it is very well documented. No one truly understands how or why, perhaps the magic in our blood... that doesn't matter. It starts as a seed with, well, love. Love kept secret and hidden away. And it begins to take root, very literally."

Curling his hand into a loose fist, he kept hold of that flower petal. "It begins in the lungs, a flutter, a cough. Then the petals come, followed by full blossoms. They grow inside you, and if allowed to continue, they'll strangle you from the inside out, work themselves into the places where the air should be in your lungs. And whether it's suffocating on the blossoms or the roots working their way to your heart, it is lethal."

There was no embellishment in Seregil now, no music or poetry. This was not the teacher instructing his eager apprentice or the bard putting on a show. This was just a man looking at the person he loved most in the world and contemplating the unthinkable concept of a world without him.

"But if it is caught soon enough, there are cures. First is confessing your affections to the object of your desire. There's a bit of a gamble there. If those feelings are returned, recovery is all but guaranteed. If they're spurned... if it's early enough, the confession may be enough to stop it. If not..."

He shook his head, not wanting to continue. "There is also a magical remedy... though that is not without side effects."

[blackradley]

Alec did not know what to think of everything that Seregil stated, he wanted to get a second opinion because this seemed very romantic and sentimental and he.. well he knew that he was not. Or if he was, he was not aware of it. But with the confusion that Alec was looking at Seregil with, it was clear that Alec had no clue whatsoever who it could be, or even what to do with someone if he loved them.

But there were signs and those signs he had not really caught onto yet. Such as the way that he gravitated toward those who looked the most like Seregil, like some sort of candle. But how could he know, he did not even think that it was possible even though he felt a little bit of jealousy when he thought of Seregil's preferred companions.

But he had to think about it; and he was not always conscious of when he did so because well, they came at unbidden times and he did not have the capability at this time to put two and two together. "There is no girl, and the ones that I do know.. well." he shrugged, he had a crush on Beka when he'd arrived at Micum's homstead, but that had quickly turned into a brother and sister type relationship.

"I cannot confess if I do not know who to confess to." he said this quite calmly.

[rhimineecat]

"You... you don't know?"

Sorry, Alec. This was Seregil looking at you like you'd just gone utterly insane. Was he joking? It didn't look like a joke. He rather thought he knew Alec well enough to tell when he was joking, and this wasn't funny.

But the petals were proof, tangible and undeniable proof. Was it possible that Alec's heart had gone and found itself stolen away without letting its owner know with any awareness? He knew the boy was sheltered, and so genuinely earnest and pure-hearted, so maybe that was just Alec.

"All right. That... that actually makes this very simple then. The magic cure is our best bet. Come on. We'll need to go to Oreska. Nysander is, as always, our best bet."

Would Alec find it strange that Seregil had mentioned side effects of the magical cure, but now didn't seem at all concerned with them?

Some of the tension in him eased. "My bath can wait, and this really should not. Grab your coat. The rain isn't done with us, Tali."

[blackradley]

"No, I really don't." he looked confused and a bit chagrined; it was slower growth then normal after all. As far as Seregil could see, it came at a half pace, certainly not as plentiful and only a few petals here and there, and maybe that was because of his half Aurenfaie that had slowed the growth a bit.

Regardless to say, he dug his heels in.

Because Alec remembered, Alec always remembered-- he was a fucking elephant like that.

"Side effects, you mentioned side effects to magical cures. So what are they, Tali? I need to know the side-effects." he was really got going anywhere until Seregil explained it all-- explained everything that was relevant to this cure he spoke of.

[rhimineecat]

"You are infuriating, Tali," Seregil murmured, even as he let the back of his fingers brush along Alec's cheek, soft and achingly affectionate. "I am supposed to be the cat here, and yet curiosity is going to be the death of you." The words were gentle teases, now that some of the worst panic had slipped from Seregil. Alec would be all right.

And that was really all Seregil needed, though he suddenly had to fight a coughing fit of his own. No, nono. Not now. Hold it together. He managed to keep it to a clearing of his throat as he stepped back.

"The cause of the affliction is love, so that is what the magical cure removes. All the love that is causing it, all the memories of emotions you have of this person, they will be gone. It doesn't leave any hatred in its place or anything so dramatic though. Just nothing. Emptiness to give you room to breathe freely again. But if you don't even know who it is, then I imagine it may not even be noticeable?"

[blackradley]

The words, lookimg into Seregil's panicked eyes and seeing his favorite colour there-- silver.

But also that caress against his cheek brought a purr to the back of his throat, it felt good and right and he wished for more of it. Instincts were the only thing guiding him, always had been. The aching closeness that he felt for Seregil that he thought was deep abiding friendship; if Seregil never stopped it, that would be quite alright; he'd be happy.

It was easier to not give way to Jealousy when he did not have a reminder that there were other people that caught Seregil's eyes, and his own dalliance at Eirual's place had been to well make it something he had chosen instead of something he had been sorcerered into. But there were things he far preferred doing, and he had gone out that night to search for Seregil. If there was anywhere in the world he gravitated to, it was Tali.

"Before we take drastic measures at that, give me time to think of who it could be." and quite seriously. "I would like to think on it, if you do not mind too much, and if I can't figure it out myself within two days then I will go with you to the Oreska."

Alec hoped that would be a suitable compromise.

[rhimineecat]

Seregil couldn't quite help himself, he let his touch linger, given that Alec did not seem to mind it. It was a reassurance to himself that Alec was not quite so far gone that he could slip away from him before Seregil could do something to stop it.

He sighed, clearly defeated. "Two days then. And no longer than that. And if things worsen in that time, then I will truss you up in ropes and drag you to the Oreska myself, and the whole city will wonder what Lord Seregil and Sir Alec get up to in our spare time." Kidding, but also one hundred percent serious. It also meant that Seregil would have to stop his own restlessly melancholy wandering for the next couple days. He would not be leaving Alec's side.

This would prove challenging given his own condition. The longer he spent with the object of his affection, so wonderfully close but so achingly far, the blossoms in his own lungs seemed to surge like flowers bathed in their own personal sunlight. But it would be fine. He was Aurenfaie, and had survived worse before.

Another quiet sigh and he leaned in and up -- they were of a height near enough that it was quite an easy, natural motion -- and pressed his lips to Alec's forehead. "You will be the reason my beautiful hair goes gray before my time, you know. I'm sure I can feel the strands threatening to turn even now."

[blackradley]

"Well I suppose it is better to wonder in that way then to give away our nighttime activities in the shadows of Rhiminee." Alec said with a wry smile, those blue eyes giving off wonderous light as he started to head back toward the little counter of the kitchen area; both him and Seregil usually took their dinners either in the finer establishment or at the Oreska house (because they were Nysander's boys and he was hellbent on feeding them and caring for them in their own way) but Alec had taken about stocking the larder with things for snacks.

In case they did not want to go out; forethought was that.

Alec then looked to Seregil as he placed the cheese and dried salami on a plate, with slices of crusty bread, and the melted cheese he'd placed over it. "Did you accomplish much on your walk this afternoon evening?" he inquired as he carried the plate over toward the couch where they could have a comfortable coze.

[rhimineecat]

"Look at you spotting all the bright sides today," Seregil remarked wryly with a shake of his head. Yes, much better for folks to speculate that Lord Seregil and his young protege played bondage games in their spare time rather than being secret spies for Skala. Yup.

For a moment he hung back, watching Alec wander back to the kitchen. This place had wound up feeling more and more like home, the longer Alec stayed. The stocked larder, the lively conversations, the quieter sounds of another person he trusted and cared for simply existing.

And the damnable questions. Seregil did wonder at their shit luck that they both could be afflicted with this same malady at the same time, and he hoped that his own case of the malady hadn't somehow been catchy enough to jump start Alec's. He'd feel tremendously guilty at that.

As Alec worked at plating their snacks, he subtly tried to hide a cough of his own into a handkerchief pulled hastily from a pocket -- and repocketed just as quickly, without looking to see what he knew he'd find there, those honeyed gold and cerulean blue. He shook his head. "Disappointingly little. I thought I had an interesting source, but it turned out to be nothing worth pursuing."

And like a dutiful puppy he followed along with Alec back to the couch, settling with at least some pantomime of the usual casual ease.

[blackradley]

Both of them were inclined to get itchy feet when it came to adventure, though Alec would never had known where to get those leads, the very fact that Seregil was out pursuing them-- that was rather nice all things told, better to think about that then the surge of jealousy he felt whenever he was faced with his.. no not his, but Seregil's foray to the Green Lanterned house with the green eyed boy he'd seen draped over him.

Out of sight, out of mind.

But somewhere in his subconscious mind, he wondered what it would be like to drape over Seregil, feel that hand trailing lightly against his skin. Perhaps every since that night he'd had a few dreams that had fled with the light of sun through the curtains-- of silver eyes and a sensually curved smile that was maddeningly teasing.

He settled the plate on his thigh and settled in close. It was a couch that could fit four comfortably but it was funny how he was used to closeness, had been used to it when he and Micum and Seregil had shared a pallet together, with his back tucked up against Seregil's front, with those arms wrapped around him; and with Micum's snores filling the air around them.

"If you need anything else, just tell me." Ruetha also hopped up, not wanting to be left out of this cuddle pile.

[rhimineecat]

Illior's eyes, they really could do with a decent job right now. Maybe that sort of distraction would help him keep the worst of the overgrowth from his chest a little longer, while he desperately searched for some secret fourth option to the '(1) confess and impose his feeling son Alec in a way he refused to do, (2) let some wizard pull these feelings for the other rom him which was unthinkable and not an option at all, or (3) die?' situation he'd found himself in.

Alec settled in so close, it was a wonderful torture, bespoke in a way that it was both the best and worst thing that Seregil could think of. He took a slow breath to steady himself.

Father. Brother. Friend. Lover. Already all but that final piece, and no. He couldn't.

Well he half expected he could have coaxed the boy to his bed if he truly tried, but he wouldn't. That would not be fair to Alec, and Seregil would not be the one to ask him for things he had no business wanting. He'd decided that their friendship would be enough, would have to be enough. Then this damnable affliction and its melodramatic tragedy, made for poetry not for someone to actually live through.

"No, this is perfect..." Too perfect. That was part of the problem.

He snagged a morsel of fruit from the plate, popping it into his mouth. And then he seemingly began choking on it, except nope, no, that wasn't what he was choking on at all. The couching wracked his shoulders, and he could feel them welling up in the back of his throat, larger than the petals had felt. Ah well, fuck him. Again that handkerchief to his mouth to hide it away, to catch the lovely little flowers that fell in showers of gold and blue from his lips.

[blackradley]

"Seregil, are you alright?" Alec had noticed this time around, it was unavoidable now that they were on the couch and sharing space in a comfortable way that felt like every breath from Seregil was his own, and then he caught the handkechief coming to Seregil's mouth, something a bit frightened came to his mind.

Was.. Seregil? But no, he couldn't be.

But....

"Do you need some water, some ale? I think we also have some honey mead." the young man cared too much and too deeply, and it was very apparent in his eyes as he watched Seregil. And the soft press of his fingers to that cheek, in a manner that he had learned from Seregil. He had learned it because Seregil was very effusive with affection; he searched those eyes with a strange sort of perception.. as if he was a hairsbreadth away from plucking Seregil's secret from him.

All it would take was a single petal.

[rhimineecat]

Seregil was going to need Alec to be less Alec right now, because everything about him had Seregil wanting to fall into those arms, and the steel-sure knowledge that he could not and should not, made breathing all the harder. He fought another wracking cough, for a moment, handkerchief remaining quite solidly in place for a moment until he was certain it had passed.

He shook his head, barely movement at all, like he didn't want to do anything to interrupt the warm touch of those fingers at his face.

Meeting that gaze, those eyes that he saw in his dreams, eyes so purely, vibrantly blue that he couldn't even bring himself to put the truth of them to page because he felt like that would break the secret to any who saw. Fuck, truly. And as secrets went, it was a poorly kept one. Micum knew already. That he was in love with Alec, not that he was currently dying from it. That detail hadn't been evident the last time he'd seen his friend.

Seregil let his gaze drop from Alec's. He hated lying to him. "I will be fine. Too much time in the rain, perhaps."

When he was confident the fit was through he lowered the handkerchief, careful to fold it as he did, to slip it straight back into his pocket. He was good with sleight of hand, and it was well accomplished.

If only it hadn't been for the single cerulean blue petal that had caught on his lower lip.