"Broken Shards"

[zauberdecke]

"In the dark
I need to taste the blood
Go on, draw another line
We can cross this time."
- Blindfold by Sleeping Wolf

---



[ Essek Thelyss: Shadowhand to the Dynasty.

One who reached further then the Luxon would allow, who would do absolutely anything for knowledge. Oh no, the man did not care for power, not really. He wanted to cast himself into the portal of knowing, he wanted to surrender himself to books and learning without having to deal with the mundanities of socio-politics that all of the Kryn engaged in. It was tedious and it filled him with sickness even as he plastered on an urbane smile for all and sundry to see.

Within the Dynasty, it was customary to take pets of the Empire; they were brought in across the border of Asarius, across the mountains and into the Dynasty. There were Dynasty born pets on the other side, both lost to the ravages of the other's civilization, generally never to be seen again.

Essek had never really had an interest to begin with when it came to pets; at the market he carefully avoided the slave blocks where those not of the Dynasty were paraded around. However, it had come to this-- it had come to his trading of the Beacon, and in return he recieved a Volstrucker to serve him. And yet, for all of that, Essek Thelyss had not thought he would receive a broken Volstrucker.

In fair trade, he and recieved a dossier on the man in question and had perused it with only a small semblance of annoyance while Trent Ikithon had assured him that a man like him could be rebuilt, the honeyed words of a silken snake which Essek recognized.

After all did not a predator recognize another predator? So now he held in his household a man whom had to be guarded carefully, though Essek was not cruel despite how he imagined Dynasty pets were treated, the cage that he had placed this Volstrucker named Bren within, well it was comfortable-- he'd seen pictures of Vergossen so he supposed it must be far better than that place. But he had not precisely interacted with him-- most of his unseen servants were given the walking of him, the care and maintenance of him.

Perhaps because he did not precisely know what to do with him, or what use he had for something broken. Though he arguably did not know what manner of broken the Volstrucker was, but after a week-- he decided perhaps it was time to summon him and see for himself; acertain what sort of work was cut out for him.

If this man was worth putting back together again.

So it was one evening, he had the Empire man summoned to his chambers. ]

Comments

[ausgebrannt]

[Bren woke the next morning with a rush of sleepy confusion at waking somewhere that he had not fallen asleep. It was easy enough, as consciousness settled in to put together what had happened, and he mentally kicked himself for falling asleep like some overtired child. But there was no help for it. He had a bit of a stare down with his breakfast, but hunger won out and he ate half of it, even while that nagging voice in the back of his mind berated him for enjoying this new captivity, for not deserving this kindness and generosity.

The guilt only grew after the whirlwind up being fitted for clothes. Even if the cut and styles of the clothes clearly marked him as a Pet to be put on display, a reminder of his station and status here, the clothing was frankly luxurious compared to anything that Bren had ever known or worn, the fabrics fine and soft and...

None of this was right. He was a murderer. His hands would never be clean of their sins. He was a weapon that had splintered in the tempering rather than been strengthened, a failure of everything he had such good intentions of becoming.

So when he was set back to lunch, he couldn't bring himself to take in the food, preferring the ache of the hunger as he curled in on himself and took up his notebook. Ich bin ein verachtenswertes Monster. Ich verdiene es nicht zu leben. Repeated across the page over and over again as if he could write it out of his thoughts.]

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek had things to occupy himself with for the majority of the afternoon.

After he'd deposited Bren back for lunch, he'd had a few meetings with the Bright Queen-- there was also a luncheon at Den Thelyss which he had to go to with Adeen (not thing that he was necessarily happy about but it had been ten years and unfortunately? It was what it was). Things that he had to attend to no matter; and that kept him busy for the majority of the later afternoon as well.

When he returned, he asked for a status update on his Pet. Just basic things such as 'what he occupied himself with' (easy enough answered, it was writing in the book-- to be expected, Essek did not expect Bren to just sit there waiting for his return) but then he was told that Bren had only eaten 'half' his breakfast and then 'none' of his lunch.

Inquiries into if his Pet was sick. A negative answer, well that was curious, but also displeasing.

He had thought that his own wishes be known that his Pet eat. Well, then.

Around dinner time, Bren was given one last chance to eat something. Food was provided, food that was a bit more substantial, crusty bread that was soft in the middle, a sort of gravy with which to dip it in, a block of cheese and then the fragrant smell of bacon fried in a honey molasses so that it crisped sweet and provided nuance to the dinner.

Would Bren eat? ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Bren remembered what Essek had told him about the rules, about eating being one of them. He wanted to obey, to be good and maybe be worthy somehow of being shown the kindness that he'd been met with -- but that was the problem. Even that would be a self-serving lie, deceiving his owner into thinking that he was somehow worth the trouble.

Better Essek learn how broken and worthless he was so he could be discarded as he ought to be.

The dinner smelled delicious, and his stomach grumbled its hunger loudly. Bren ignored this though, instead once more filling a page with those words before curling onto his side on the floor near his bed, tucked into the fetal position, curled around his notebook.]

[zauberdecke]

[ Unfortunately, it was reported back to Essek that Bren had not eaten and that really was regrettable, wasn't it; he was a bit disappointed but-- perhaps he could deal with this willfulness.

He assumed it was willfulness, what else could it be?

So as the darkness deepened in Rosohna, that was when Essek finally sent for Bren to be brought before him. And this time when Bren was brought into the sitting room, something would seem off. It was in the way that Essek sat in the wing chair, ramrod straight was his back and he held an expression that was neutral and yet still conveyed displeasure.

Especially as how Bren had seen smiles earlier, not fully enthusiastic-- but a calm and understated delight in styling his pet. No, this felt cold and unyielding.

His eyes flicked from Bren to the floor right in front of him-- it was a marked command. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Bren had been stirred out of his self-imposed misery by the usual unseen servants, and perhaps he ought to have questioned why it had become to late before he was summoned. Perhaps he should have questioned many things, but it was not until he found himself standing before the Shadowhand and felt the shift in atmosphere of the room, a marked change from earlier, even from the night before.

He didn't know what to make of it, not entirely, but he did not miss that unspoken command. Bren moved quickly to obey, dropping to his knees in front of his master. He set his journal carefully beside him, clasping his hands behind his back and turning an uncertain gaze up to the other man.

He did know what being in trouble felt like, after all. And this certainly felt like he was in trouble.]

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek knew he was intimidating, it was one of the reasons that he managed to get by with doing husband duties (once) a month-- it was still too much over a ten year span of time, too many times of him staring at the ceiling as if he could rip through it like a tear in time.

He crossed one leg over the other while he waited a few moments to let the silence speak-- though carefully timing the beats, finally he allowes himself to speak. ]

You did not eat but a shadow of your breakfast, and then none of luncheon or dinner.

[ his hand clasped something in his palm, if Bren looked at it closely.. it would resemble a riding crop made of black leather. ]

Are you ill?

[ausgebrannt]

[The silence was heavy and deafening and terrifying. Bren managed not to fidget too much, but he found it too difficult to continue meeting Essek's eyes and instead dropped his gaze to look down at the floor. Oh yes, in trouble.

His gaze had caught on that leather crop in the drow's hand, but he'd forced himself not to linger on it, forced himself to take a breath and then another as the anxiety began to build. Pain was coming, wasn't it? But he could abide by pain, was certain that was more what he deserved than the consideration he'd been treated with to this point.

It was almost a relief.

He did not look up when Essek spoke, did not lift his eyes even as he shook his head at the question. No, he was not ill.]

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek allowed himself a moment to process this information that was given to him-- not ill. Well at least Bren was honest which, theoretically, would lessen the punishment slightly. But still it meant that there was other reasons, ones that he had to address just as much as any sickness. ]

You disobeyed me, that is the fact of the matter-- how do you think I should deal with it, Pet? Now, I may not be experienced in pet ownership, but I have seen where discipline is needed for correction.

[ his eyes flicked toward the notebook for the shadow of a second. ] I cannot let this disregard for my orders slide-- you understand this, correct?

[ausgebrannt]

[Bren managed, mostly, not to tremble at the tone of Essek's voice, at what the other man was saying. He had disobeyed, and he was fully aware of it. That hadn't been the reasoning behind his failure to eat the meals that had been given to him.

The worst piece was how hollow he felt inside at the realization that he had disappointed his master who had been nothing but good to him. Another rush of self-loathing, and he bowed his head further giving another nod to the question. He understood. He would not try to beg forgiveness or mercy.

He deserved whatever his punishment was.]

Oh no, he is really in it now

[zauberdecke]

[ Never did Essek's voice raise during this entire process.

He did not yell and would not start-- he could be a bit snappish and usually that was to Adeen or anyone who had severely tried his patience on a molecular level; however, he observed that there was a certain deep abiding recalcitrance to Bren's positioning. There was understanding there that he did wrong.

But also, Essek knew that there was a reason. He could not think of this pet 'purposely' obeying him, he'd been much too mannerly for that. Essek was not one to jump to conclusion, there was still a piece of this puzzle that needed to be solved-- and thus, his eyes strayed to that leather-bound notebook held to the side, with the pen neatly laid atop of it. A tap of his fingers lightly against the arm of his chair as he considered for a moment.

Then he made his decision. ]

Pet, I wish to see your notebook.

[ That was phrased rather neatly but at the end of the seconds that passed, that was still not a request, it was a demand. By Essek's reasoning, a pet should have no secrets-- likewise, he also knew that Bren had been very eager to scribble in it, so it was only natural that he see the notebook, as if that would slide some puzzle pieces into place and reveal the full picture.

The Shadowland would not punish his pet without understanding the entire story. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Bren waited in silence. Not that he had a choice in the matter, but even without the spell holding his voice prisoner, he had nothing to say. What was there to say in this case? He could feel the disappointment levied at him from his master, a heavy thing at knowing full well that he'd chosen not to be good. But how could he even begin to explain that he was not good, that he was so fundamentally tainted that he'd only been fooling Essek into believing he was.

His gaze snapped up at the mention of the notebook. The Drow had assured Bren he would not take away the boon for misbehavior, so this was something else.

A momentary hesitation, but he reached over to pick the book up and hold it out towards Essek. Well, good, let Essek see for himself the truth of him.]

[zauberdecke]

[ The Shadowhand would not take it away, but what he did do was reach out and take the offered book and then he spread it open on his lap. The first thing he saw was the communication of which Bren conveyed to him; no lonher relevant though the knowledge still tucked in his mind.

The second set he came across were spells written out with somatic glyphs faithfully rendered. Brilliant considering there was no frame of reference, he would put a pin in that.

Then a few pages later, words in a language he did not understand, but that was a simple enough thing to remedy. And thus, did he start the casting for Comprehend Language, near immediately as the words reconciled into meaning he understood.

Words about being treated to good, too kindly-- words of self-recrimination; calling oneself a monster.. undeserving of the time and attention of his Master.

Of fooling him, tricking him.

The clock in the room ticked audibly in time with the silence as Essek poured over it. It was only after fifteen minutes did the book shut carefully-- fifteen minutes of quiet dread before the book was placed on the side table. ]

It would appear that you have violated another rule, one far greater than that of starving yourself.

[ there was the slow tap of the riding crop against his thigh. ] Do you remember when I told you specifically that going forward, the only one to punish you would be myself?

[ it only required a nod, no paper and pen would be needed for this answer. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Bren visibly flinched when he heard the spell being cast, recognizing it for what it was. He'd known of course that nothing he wrote in those pages would be a secret, had only slipped back into Zemnian because those particular writings had been meant for himself, or the imagined memory of his parents, who in his mind must surely hate him for what he did, almost as much as he hated himself for it. Even if it was not surprising to know the Shadowhand would read these things, it was still laying the worst of himself bare to his new owner's eyes.

The silence, interrupted only by page turning, felt like it lasted hours, verging into an eternity. By the end of it he was squirming, though he went still when the other man spoke. Another rule? Had he? He certainly hadn't intended to, and for a moment he started to wrack his brain for what his other indiscretion had been, but the tap of the crop and the words that followed cleared that right up.

He looked up, opening his mouth to protest that he... but ah. Well, he had, hadn't he? His mouth snapped shut, and slowly he nodded.]

[zauberdecke]

[ what Bren wrote, they were personal and he did not judge them-- but there were words underneath the surface and between the lines, words marked in such self-loathing, he could feel it.

This man was shattered fragments, a broken mirror that he kept trying to peer into.

Most Pets that came to the Dynasty needed to be broken, it was a sad statement of fact. Adeen's own pet had been broken and he had unfortunately seen most of the promise; now? She was his perfect pet in her brokenness, pitched only to serve him. Grateful that the Pet took Adeen's focus off him.

Here was Bren though, broken.

To be a sufficient pet, he would need to be put back together. ]

You require and deserve punishment, for the infractions you committed in the past twenty-four hours; and I am fully prepared to do so. I will not be disobeyed nor my rules flouted, my kindness is not weakness nor is it unaware.

[ He then got up from the chair, unfolding himself gracefully before he arched into a hover ] You will strip right now and the lay yourself over the table, and you will beg to be in my favor again, you will beg in the only way you know how.. my mute little Pet.

[ausgebrannt]

[Another nod, hesitant, uncertain, but in agreement. He did deserve punishment, whatever that punishment would be. Hells, he was certain he deserved to be discarded entirely, but for some reason that did not seem to be what Essek was doing. Instead he would be punished, and perhaps he could be better.

He watched as Essek stood, eyes following the Shadowhand as he rose, quite effectively looming over him where he knelt, like some worshipper ready to beg indulgence and offer silently sung paeans for the mercy being shown him. Trembling fingers fumbled at the fastenings of his clothes, but he still complied quickly, stripping naked and glancing to the other man for a moment before settling himself on his stomach over the table.

Haunted blue eyes lifted to Essek and he mouthed a silent please at him, quite eager to beg forgiveness and favor and for Essek to maybe, somehow, help make him worth all the trouble.]

[zauberdecke]

[ The quickness with which Bren complied spoke well in his favor; it meant that he was eager to please him, as well as just as assiduous in wanting his Master to correct him. The mouthed please cast from ruby lips, from such bright eyes that glimmered with some undefinable emotion. And then that lean back with a spine that he could see, the way that it arched downward into the small before rising up to a freckled ass.

Really, all of his pet was freckled.

Just like Essek, even though Essek used prestidigitation to cover them-- always felt like he would not be taken seriously with the moon marks scattered across his skin.

He comes to Bren's side them, and then he lifts his riding crop so that he could trace it against that bottom, just a precursor of gentleness, of mercy-- an 'I'm only doing this because you've given me no choice' and then he lifts; there is a whistle in the air as it then comes down sharply on the plush underside of ass where it will leave a mark, not now-- but momentarily. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Bren tried not to tense at the first brush of the crop against skin, gentleness that belied the sting about to come. This was better though. He could understand punishment and pain, could wrap his mind around the certain truth that he deserved that. Less easy to understand was how desperately he wanted Essek's favor, wanted his master to look at him like he may be worth something after all.

The only sound he was capable of was the startled gasp as the crop struck his skin, the sharp sting, the heat that rose in the next moment as skin reddened. He could feel his face reddening too, the humiliation of being naked and with his ass presented like some misbehaving child -- except no, not even that, a naughty pet who had to be taught his lessons.

Bren was no stranger to pain, after all. All of Ikithon's methods of honing his Volstrucker seemed to involve it. He could try to ignore the way this seemed different, as if this might be for his own good, somehow, to make him worthy of being called a good boy again.]

[zauberdecke]

[ It was different, because Essek was not getting off on this, this was to improve his pet-- to make him better; and he knew that Bren had it in him, he had seen the quiet intelligence in those eyes that was hidden in the depths. He could hear that soft little whimper, the red mark that was slowly taking shape as a strip. He reached with his other hand to run his fingers through Bren's locks of red hair that fell haphazardly against shoulders.

Another strike, his goal was not to completely take the other man out, but rather to impart a lesson. ]

If you are so fond of punishment, you need only ask.

[ He said this with a very firm thwack against the ass, this time a little bit harder. ] But I absolutely forbid you punishing yourself, you are mine [ Though it was becoming increasingly clear to Essek that he may not be able to leave his Pet alone. ]

You are a needy little thing, aren't you?

[ausgebrannt]

[The juxtaposition of the stinging heat in his rear and the gentle touch of those fingers through his hair threatened to undo him. If he'd had his voice, he would have cried out, but the only sound was a rush of breath over parted lips. His face heated further at the words. Was he fond of punishment? Did something in him actually crave this, crave being put in his place and reminded of his role?

He flinched at the next strike but did not shrink away, though tears had started to gather in his eyes -- the pain, shame at his own behavior that had led to this, shame at the act itself, at the way it set a strange heat racing through him that had nothing to do with shame.

Bren let his head fall forward, another cry leaving his lips in silence, but this time those lips were forming unvoiced pleas -- though whether it was for Essek to stop or continue would have to remain a mystery for now.]

[zauberdecke]

[ It was a mystery but the thing with Essek was that he did not enjoy such mysteries, he was not like Trent Ikithon who enjoyed games and experiments, and this? This felt more like therapy than anything else; this felt like offering Bren something that he needed to not be self destructive. He'd have Bren's things moved up to his chambers, would monitor him (since his those staff in his household had decided that they would not tell him until retroactively) and it also meant that Bren would be a full fledged pet that accompanied him wherever he went.

Including in to his work.

This opened up other things that Essek knew he would have to purchase for the ginger. Such as another collar, perhaps better served 'out-and-about' wear but he could handle that, could send sepcifications. Bren's measurements were already obtained.

A third one, for good measure. It fell on slightly pinkened skin. Third was good, it adhered to the Rule of Three. Suitable of course to provide a warning of what could be, but also it was a taste of other punishment that the Shadowhand could dole out. Finally he moved away and laid the riding crop back down on the table just next to the book.

Of which he picked up and then laid right in front of Bren's flushed face. ] You will be moved into my rooms so I can closely monitor you; it appears you are a needy Puppy who requires constant supervision from his Master-- what lesson have you learned today? Write it in your book so you may look on it and remember.

[ausgebrannt]

[Essek saw him too clearly, though Bren was not aware of this yet. It would be apparent in time, no doubt, that the drow had recognized the particular jagged edges of the broken pieces of him. It would be overwhelming to be perceived so fully. For now, Bren was too caught up in his own inner turmoil to have such realizations.

He was braced for further blows when Essek set the crop down, and he looked up in something rather like surprise. Kindness again, and that flicker of realization that he would continue to be met with this mercy that he did not deserve.

His gaze turned to the book as it was set down, shifting off the table and back onto his knees, sitting back on his heels -- albeit gingerly the way his ass currently stung -- and taking the journal into his hands. Another confused flicker in blue eyes. He kept waiting to be discarded, and instead the opposite was happening. Moved into Essek's rooms?

Admittedly solitude was the worst time for him, when he was left alone with himself. Too many years lost in himself in Vergossen, and he could feel himself slipping sometimes, but the madness had been dispelled and he was left only with his thoughts.

The worst.

He opened his book and considered the page. It took a moment to decide where to begin, but then the words poured from the pen, driven by an honesty he hadn't expected to come so freely.]

'I have learned that I am yours. That I am not to disobey, that punishment will come only from you. I have learned that I do not like disappointing you. That was far worse than the crop.'

[A moment of hesitation and he added.]

'I have learned that I would rather be your puppy than HIS attack dog.'

[zauberdecke]

[ There were many things that Essek had observed in the little time that he had spent with Bren; his obedience was one thing, but also the disobeying which he was aware that hadn't truly been disobeying insofar as much as it had been the punishing of oneself, of which had been evident when he had paged through the book. Enacting on his own psyche for a sin that had been committed.

The words provided were read as he leaned down to do so, the eyebrow raise of acknowledgement turned into the most subtle lip twist of approval directed at his pet; very good-- this Empire Pet wanted approval from him, just a glance into that face and he could see it. As a reward, he placed a hand on the top of Bren's head and he very lightly ran his fingers through the copper flame hair. ]

Punishment will only come from me, if you wish to be punished-- you need only ask me for it; but I think it is better that it comes from my hand than yours; yours has thus far proven unreliable. [ And much too cruel, but he would not say as much; an Empire Puppy need not know the details. ]

I, too, have learned something, that your unoccupied mind is a dangerous thing; of which I will have to endeavor to occupy it as much as possible.

[ He then releases his touch to Bren's hair and then he walks over to the bookcase near the fireplace, the one that Bren had seen filled with books, favorite books. He removes two from the bookcase and then comes back, slowly depositing the both of them on the table.

There is a leather-bound volume, rather thick of which states "Common to Undercommon" and then he follows it up with a book of Dynasty History, completely in Undercommon, laying first one and then the other on top of each other. ] This will be your new project, to learn Undercommon; I have noticed your mind is vibrant-- perhaps if we filled it with something, it would distract you from your traitorous thoughts.

[ausgebrannt]

[There was that rush of pleasure at the hand atop his head, the part of Bren that desperately wanted to be worth something, to be good enough absolutely thrilling at the small scrap of approval. His eyes fluttered for a moment but he kept them open to look at the other man. For a moment he considered the idea of asking for punishment, wondering how broken someone would be to want punishment enough to ask for it.

Except, he realized in the next moment, they'd have to be exactly as broken as he was, because he knew he would ask for it, would beg to be punished in some desperate hope that it could fix him, could make him better than what he was.

Bren watched Essek walk to the bookshelf, curious now what Essek was doing. When his master presented him with the two books, the failed Volstrucker's face lit up, and he nodded in eager agreement. He reached for the books immediately, though before he opened them he remembered himself and took up the notebook.]

Thank you, Master.

[And then, as an after thought and presented held up while Bren peered over the top of the book wish as much chagrin as he could manage.]

I am very hungry.

[zauberdecke]

[ it would appear that they were at an understanding then, Essek could see the way that Bren considered all of the things he said; the strictures laid down immaculately, the utter need and desire to please.

Essek had not been wrong then, had not been wrong at all about his assessment of the Empire Pet-- his Empire Pet. He needed structure and he also needed to feel useful and needed-- there was also that fear of disappointing people.

Gods, they were more alike than Essek cared to admit, not that he would ever admit to anyone, but he understood that need and he would nuture it and also give Bren whatever punishment he required to make him feel absolved, even if it was only temporary. ]

Good boy--

[ he then he made the incantation to send a call to the Unseen Servants, to have them bring up some food for Bren; there was other servants that were owned by Adeen, but his magic servants were not those that could be swayed (and) they were tethered to the house and were devoted to him, only answered to him. ]

Food will be up soon, until then you are allowed to peruse your new books; I am unclined to stop you, I too have done things the Dynasty would not approve of, we are not so different I think.

[ausgebrannt]

[The fact that Essek saw him so clearly, when Bren was still struggling to fully see himself, it should have been overwhelming and frightening. And while there was something indeed overwhelming about all of this, the change in his life, there was also relief in it, about the idea that he could perhaps surrender entirely to something that wasn't himself.

The words Good boy struck through him again, like they were as good as a spell against which he had no hope of saving. Maybe he didn't want to. Maybe he wanted to this, to give himself over to something else, to someone else. There was a hint of adoration in blue eyes as he watched Essek, as the Shadowhand moved about the room. A hint of something that would undoubtedly grow, a seed given soil to take root in that was surprisingly fertile.

This time Bren did not bother to write, but mouthed a silent thank you, Master before turning to his books. ...he was still naked. He probably ought to remember that at some point, but there were books and a goal set in front of him, and he was distracted, diving directly into the dictionary.

A pause though to glance up, surprised by the words. 'We are not so different.' The last thing he would have expected to hear, and he did not bother to hide the curiosity on his features or the flicker of a smile that found its way over his lips.]